Will I Love My Second Child as Much as My First?
I, currently, have one daughter. I can’t imagine loving another person as much as I love her. Actually, a fear of mine is that I won’t love my second child as much as my first. Those of you with more than one child now are probably rolling your eyes, but for those with just one child so far, it’s a very real fear.
I took this thought to the proverbial streets, asking my friends about their fears and what they realized upon becoming parents to multiple children. Here’s what they said:
Aubrey, a mother of two boys, had the same fear as I do. When she was pregnant, she was terrified that she wouldn’t love her second child as much as her first. When she delivered her second son, she thought her fears had been realized. She said, “I had some postpartum after he arrived. I loved him, but I didn’t really have the need to be with him, like I did Shawn- who I was still worried about short-changing.” However, Aubrey found help for her postpartum depression, and after a relatively short time, she fully discovered her amazing capacity for love and devotion for both children.
Lynn, a mother of two (a boy and a girl), told me her biggest fear was not having enough love for both children. Lynn was worried “about how to have both children understand that I love them both equally—how to divide my limited time so both feel loved, no competition needed.”
Ralph, a father of two (a boy and a girl), came from a pretty large family—seven kids. He never really had the fear of not loving the second child as much as the first. He told me, “Coming from a large family, I knew that there wasn’t a finite amount of love to give. You don’t love the new one less, or have less love for the older child. The biggest thing that you realize is they are two different people, not ‘first’ and ‘second’ child.”
Hearing these stories made me feel a lot more confident. If you’re feeling stressed about adding to your family, and you’re worried about not loving your second child as much as your first, call a couple of friends, talk to a parents group, or find a chat-board online. You may hear stories from parents who had your same fears, or who had different fears, and learn how they discovered their infinite source of unconditional love.