Will I Love My Second Child as Much as My First?

mother with her childrenI, currently, have one daughter. I can’t imagine loving another person as much as I love her. Actually, a fear of mine is that I won’t love my second child as much as my first. Those of you with more than one child now are probably rolling your eyes, but for those with just one child so far, it’s a very real fear.

I took this thought to the proverbial streets, asking my friends about their fears and what they realized upon becoming parents to multiple children. Here’s what they said:

Aubrey, a mother of two boys, had the same fear as I do. When she was pregnant, she was terrified that she wouldn’t love her second child as much as her first. When she delivered her second son, she thought her fears had been realized. She said, “I had some postpartum after he arrived. I loved him, but I didn’t really have the need to be with him, like I did Shawn- who I was still worried about short-changing.” However, Aubrey found help for her postpartum depression, and after a relatively short time, she fully discovered her amazing capacity for love and devotion for both children.

Lynn, a mother of two (a boy and a girl), told me her biggest fear was not having enough love for both children. Lynn was worried “about how to have both children understand that I love them both equally—how to divide my limited time so both feel loved, no competition needed.”

Ralph, a father of two (a boy and a girl), came from a pretty large family—seven kids. He never really had the fear of not loving the second child as much as the first. He told me, “Coming from a large family, I knew that there wasn’t a finite amount of love to give. You don’t love the new one less, or have less love for the older child. The biggest thing that you realize is they are two different people, not ‘first’ and ‘second’ child.”

Hearing these stories made me feel a lot more confident. If you’re feeling stressed about adding to your family, and you’re worried about not loving your second child as much as your first, call a couple of friends, talk to a parents group, or find a chat-board online. You may hear stories from parents who had your same fears, or who had different fears, and learn how they discovered their infinite source of unconditional love.

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Will I Love My Second Child as Much as My First?

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27 comments

  1. Hope says:

    I’m afraid of this too. I’m due to deliver my second girl just 2 weeks after my first turns 3. I’m equally afraid of not bonding with the new baby and (Unintentionally) pushing my little girl away

  2. mommy nhoj says:

    I’ve been thinking about this even if we are yet to try to conceive for another one. We will try our best to give all the love and attention that our children may need. I don’t want sibling rivalries. I sincerely hope I would never ever compare them to one another

  3. gfeld says:

    You end up loving em all. The only thing is their personalities may differ and you’ll compare them and may treat them differently. Be careful about that. The kids will hate that and ultimately give you a difficult time bout it. Never say, “why can’t you be like your brother? He’d never do this.” Seperate kids, seperate achievements.

  4. Dominique says:

    I am 22 weeks pregnant with my second child. My first child is a healthy seven year old boy. Now I am expecting another boy and it terrifies me a lot. Is it normal to feel like this

  5. MrsPearson says:

    Ill be having a little girl any day now an my son is super happy… i know that everything will go well he tells me mom ill be there with you the whole way an im so happy how he say what he’ll help do etc.

  6. Dario says:

    I will love all my kids, I mean how can you not?! They’re so precious

  7. renee200823 says:

    I am pregnant with my second girl, my first is almost 5 years old and she is soo excited and I am so glad they will be 5 years apart because my first is done with being the only child and is ready for some company! I love my first child more than anything in this world and nothing will compare to that kind of love and I already feel an overwhelming love for my second baby (even though she is not born yet). Nothing can compare to bringing new life into this world even if its the second time you experiance this love. I cant wait to be a mommy of two and neither can my daughter and husband! =]

  8. Brooke says:

    I have a 3 yr old daughter and I am pregnant with twins!!!! I am worried that she will feel left out or forgotten when these babies are here…

  9. RMack says:

    I am having these very same thoughts. My daughter is 11 and is an only child. At 25 weeks pregnant with our second daughter, I have been asking myself, will I love my second child more, less? How to share my love three ways instead of two all these years, (my husband and first born daughter?)

  10. Stephanie says:

    It’s scary to think of a subject like that but it’s reality I just hope after 9yrs with my daughter now having my son my loves stays the same

  11. Pennier81 says:

    That’s a scary thought

  12. verochka31 says:

    Don’t worry the fear goes aways once you hold the new baby for the first time. your love is bigger than you think. I will be going through this the 5th time and am as excited as with the first…………..you will be fine

  13. Dominique says:

    That’s crazy that us as mothers have these fears but all I know is I so both my kids the same love no matter what and I’m going to make sure to do the same with our third one

  14. Mandy Wright says:

    Its so crazy that this article was written because i honestly thought i was the only person who felt like this! I have had 14 years with my daughter and now we are having another baby…crazy and scary at the same time. I have really been struggling with these emotions for months now but i still have time to sort things out since i am not due till June…but great article and a real concern for some of us. However i do believe that this will pass and that this child will be as big a part of my heart as the first!!!

  15. julia says:

    HI , I also have a daughter and also currently pregnant with my second daughter and i just can’t wait till I have her, I’m super excited in meeting my second baby.

  16. MeMe says:

    I have a daughter and I’m currently pregnant with my second child and its something that I think about because I don’t want to love my second child less then the first she like my first love so it is hard but the love just comes natural

  17. joselynn says:

    it is realy hard to imagine loving another child or any thing as much as the child you already have!

  18. DesMarie13 says:

    seriously a wonderful article! this was a serious concern of mine. and i do come from a large family, but as a sibling (and my mothers favorite) i had a couple siblings i chose over the others that i am more fond of.
    i know its terrible, but at this point, how could i not think i may be partial to one child? but i feel that having a boy and a girl it will be easier for me to love them equally because its a different love.
    for the first 2 years of my daughters life it was JUST the 2 of us, we clearly have a very special bond because of that.
    my only concern now is how to have as deep a connection with my son as i do my daughter.

  19. chelle says:

    I enjoyed thanks!

  20. marichinno says:

    This is a great article and could amit that I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my son I didn’t think that I would love him enough like I did his sister. I love them both the same and they are so different from eachother. I am pregnant with my 3rd and now I know that I will love this baby just the same and so will brother and sister.

  21. Sasoo says:

    I don’t know if this is why I ended up so spoiled as the baby. Were my parents trying to make sure that I didn’t feel unloved?

  22. McKenzie says:

    I am pregnant with my third and I want to make sure I give them all the same love I already do with my two but I don’t know how my kids are going to react to my third.

  23. Sasoo says:

    I can’t wait to have a second child and I hope the love my parents gave to me as "the baby" will translate into my own family.

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