When You Want a Baby and Your Partner Doesn’t
Deciding to have a baby is a big decision; but what happens when you’re ready for a new addition to the family and your partner isn’t? Read on for tips on how to cope with this seemingly irresolvable relationship problem.
If you’re reading this article, then the communication in your relationship is probably decent enough to have established the facts of the situation—that is, you’ve got the baby bug, while your partner is apparently immune. That doesn’t mean there’s not room for improvement when it comes to your communication skills, however. Ask yourself whether or not you’ve truly expressed your feelings to your partner in a clear and comprehensive way. Does he know why you want a baby? Does she realize the extent of your desire? You should also stop and reflect on whether or not you really understand your partner’s feelings. Do you know why your significant other wants to wait, and for how long? These are all issues that you need to get out in the open completely, before you can even begin to decide where to go from here.
- Make a Choice.
If you’ve both expressed your feelings to each other and still can’t come to a resolution regarding the potential baby-to-be, then it may be time to make a choice between your own feelings and the good of the relationship. If you’re not married or seriously committed to a long-term relationship with this person, then you may want to consider whether or not the relationship is worth giving up your dreams of being a parent. On the other hand, if you are in a committed relationship, then you may have to put your own feelings aside, at least for a while. You can’t force another person into becoming a parent; and even if you could, the results would certainly backfire sooner or later.
- Consider Other Options
If you are in fact in a committed relationship, one that you value and want to preserve, with someone who isn’t ready for a kid, then you may have to consider your other options—options that don’t include having children at the moment. After all, having kids isn’t everything (though you may certainly feel like it is). Researchers at the University of Michigan have found that having children doesn’t impact a woman’s happiness long-term; but having a strong personal relationship, such as a husband or committed partner, definitely does. If you decide to back-drawer your maternal or paternal yearnings for a while, then consider other things you could do in the meantime that you may find fulfilling, such as babysitting, volunteering at a children’s hospital, or teaching Sunday School, for instance.
Disagreements with the important people in your life are always stressful; but when you disagree about something so significant and potentially life-changing as having a child, the debate can be particularly taxing on your emotions. The best thing to do is to take a deep breath, hear each other out, and then come to an agreement that works for both of you—even if it means agreeing to disagree, at least for now.