The Elusive Orgasm: Why Is It Harder to Have One Post-Childbirth?

couple intimately kissingSo, you have had a baby! And now, you are back in the groove of being intimate with your partner. Sadly, you may start to realize that sex after baby is nothing like sex was before. You may be uncomfortable, or thinking about your new baby, or not able to achieve an orgasm at all – no matter how hard you try. Learning to deal with sex in a new way can be frustrating; but just as it took some time to find out what worked for you after your first sexual experience, you can get your groove back after having a baby!

Focusing during sex requires that the amygdala shuts off; if not, you may not be able to achieve an orgasm!

The Reasons

Your brain depends on one vital thing to allow you to have a pleasurable sexual experience: the amygdala. This is the part of your brain that controls your fear, anxiety, thoughts, and feelings. With a new baby in the house, your stress levels are likely through the roof, not to mention the lack of sleep and hormones surges you are also dealing with. Focusing during sex requires that the amygdala shuts off; if not, you may not be able to achieve an orgasm. You may also be experiencing low testosterone, which can lower your desire for sex.

Another factor could be the weakening of your pelvic muscles, due to childbirth. The pelvic muscles help by sending stimulating senses to your brain, leading to sexual desire and an orgasm. Weakened pelvic muscles may not respond to the stimuli that was successful before giving birth.

Strengthen Your Pelvic Floor

You may have heard of “Kegels” while preparing for childbirth. They are a series of exercises that help strengthen your pelvic floor (the pelvic muscles and tissue beneath your pelvic girdle) and make childbirth easier, as well as keeping incontinence from occurring.

Kegels can also help you achieve that much needed orgasm again! Kegels involve contracting and releasing your pelvic muscles repeatedly, in the same way you would release the muscles to urinate and contract the muscles to cut off the flow of urine. Kegels can be done anywhere, at anytime, including during sex to intensify the pleasure of an orgasm.

Get In The Mood

With the amount of stress that comes from simply having a new baby, as well as losing sleep at night and adjusting to your post-baby body, getting in the mood may just not be in the cards – and it's no wonder! But there are some things you can do to help yourself feel desirable again.  

  • Attempt to have an intimate, sexual moment when you know your baby is well fed and sleeping.
  • If you are comfortable with it, consider having friends or a family member watch your baby at their house, while you have “special time” with your partner at home.
  • Make yourself feel sexy! Put on sexy lingerie, shave your legs, smooth your skin with lotion, and do your hair and makeup.
  • Set the mood by lighting candles and playing soft music, anything else that worked prior to having a baby.
  • Have fun and get creative with foreplay. Try giving each other massages, or talking dirty and role-playing.

Explore Alternative Options

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According to Sexologist Dr. Logan Levkoff, most women are unable to achieve an orgasm through penetration alone. If this is the case with you, consider other methods of  clitoral stimulation, including physical and oral possibilities and sexual toys, to achieve that elusive orgasm. Good luck!

 

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The Elusive Orgasm: Why Is It Harder to Have One Post-Childbirth?

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9 comments

  1. kelly says:

    getting in themood with children woot

  2. liz says:

    i did kegel exercises all my pregnanacy and y think my sexual life now is better than it was

  3. My boyfriend is scared to have sex because he thinks it will hurt the baby. I’m trying to get it as much as possible!

  4. joanna says:

    I’ve done the kegal exercise its really easy…im currently breastfeeding so that also makes your sex drive low

  5. how long should you hold & release on the kegal exercise??

  6. Great tips, I love how discrete kegel exercises are. You can kegel-cise while your cooking or even working!

  7. Phammom says:

    Will keep these all in mind.

  8. Tara says:

    Yeah for kegels!!!!

  9. EbyMom says:

    Wow this is a good piece. My hubby and I are doing great after 2. I guess I will intensify my actions on the act. That kegels during sex is wonderful. I do it all the time, during sex, urinating, sitting down resting.

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