Husband Building: 10 Things I Say to My Boys to Make Them Good Husbands

The thought that my boys will one day choose another woman to love and leave me for makes my eyes leak.

I know it's going to happen, and deep down, I want it to happen. But also, sigh.

Despite my reluctance to release them fully from my womb, I have made preparations for that day by helping them learn how to be good husbands.

If some chick is going to take them, I want her to recognize their awesome. Courtesy of me, of course.

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Husband Building: 10 Things I Say to My Sons to Make Them Good Husbands

Your undies go in the hamper.

Not on the bathroom floor. Not behind the door in your bedroom. Not hanging from the ceiling fan. In. The. Hamper. And it's your job to get them there, not mine.

Gimme the remote.

Not because I really want you to watch the Miss Universe pageant with me (although I told you it would be awesome), but because it's not all about you. Sometimes it's about me.

Do you like my dress?

Because I want them to get in the habit of noticing. And remarking. In a kind and thoughtful way that makes the woman in their life feel beautiful and recognized.

When I speak, you listen.

It's how you show me you care. And it makes this relationship work. And I know things, possibly all things, so you need to listen to me so that I can help shorten the list of things you don't know.

My talking is basically a favor to you. Plus, you need practice listening because your wife is totally gonna know the difference between your actually-listening-to-her face and your pretending-to-listen-while-actually-thinking-about-your-Call-of-Duty-kill-ratio face.

Like I said, my talking is basically a favor to you!

Go ahead and cry.

Real men have real emotions that they really know how to express. Plus, your feelings are important to people who love you, and sharing them with those people is part of a healthy relationship.

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Save your money.

Give some to charity. Use what's left wisely. Buy me flowers and shoes.

Thanks for standing up for me.

Call me a cavewoman if you want, but it feels good to know that my boys care enough about me and my honor to get fired up when someone hurts me.

They never fail at this task (seriously, try to tell a “yo mama” joke around here!), and I always praise their efforts and then tell them I got this. My feminist traits won't let me hide behind a man, but it's nice to know they will be there just in case someone gets crazy.

And hold the door, too. Chivalry is a thing that has no business being dead.

Go cut the grass. And when you're done, come help me with dinner.

One of the main reasons women cite for marital discord is lack of support around the house. I want my boys to be able to hold their own in the cooking and cleaning departments, and I don't want them to need a woman to take care of them. Unless it's me, and then come to mama.

Don't you lie to me.

No one likes a dishonest human. Trust is like the absolutely most important element of any single relationship.

Give me a hug.

Arms around my neck, hard squeeze. Women appreciate a man who can show affection. Now, don't go showing affection all over the place; reserve it for those who deserve it. And me. Always have a hug ready for me.

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