Facebook for Grown-Ups: 5 Most Annoying Updates of All Time

fb fail 6

Facebook is one of those things: you hate it, even though you love it, even though, really, you kinda hate it.

If you don't have a Facebook page, people are always telling you to get one, and if you do, people are always telling you all the reasons you shouldn't.

Personally, Facebook is my jam. It's a network I enjoy connecting with people on, and one I need to run my business effectively. But I love it hard, and I hate it harder.

What is it that ruins the Facebook experience for all of us? Simple user error–Facebook-page owners using them for evil, not good. They must be stopped.

Do-do-do-do-do-do! Awesome Mom to the rescue (swoops in with apron tied around neck like a cape).

Here are five things that must be stopped!

fb fail 1

Hello worst cliff hanger of all time. No one likes cliff hangers. No one.

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fb fail 2

Almost the same thing as the cryptic excitement post, only worse because now I'm not just annoyed but I'm worried about you, which is making me even more annoyed. I don't mind dropping a prayer on your behalf every now and then. But I like to focus and to not have to stalk your page incessantly to see if you pulled through whatever crisis you were in the throes of when you had time to log into Facebook–but only enough time to type a one-word update after doing so.

fb fail 3

The chronic health updates from someone who doesn't have a real medical condition and instead is just sick with common colds and seasonal allergies. Like all the rest of us. Because we're human.

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fb fail 4

#Selfie. Every day. Numerous times, in fact. We're all for a little self love and confidence boosting from time to time. I love seeing your new hair cut, or your new lip gloss, or your eyebrows after a waxing fail (OK, this one is by far my fave). Everyone appreciates the desire to share and get feedback on these things. But when I look at your stream and the last five updates are photos taken by you–of you doing duck face–chances are good that I'm going to hide you. I won't unfriend you, because you're my cousin, but I will hide you so hard.

fb fail 5

Those trick-me-into-posting-something-lame-on-my-page updates. You know the ones where it's like “I love all of my friends, and they are so special to me, and if you are one of my special friends please leave a comment,” and then when you do, just this once, to be nice, they're all “booyah, now go post all this nonsense about some nonsense on your page.” It's like the chain letter of Facebook. Chain letters were a waste of postage, and these are a waste of time. And they kinda make me think we're not really special friends because you're tricky and mean and I can't trust you. Also, playing tag wasn't that fun when I was fast, it's so much less fun now that I'm not.

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Facebook for Grown-Ups: 5 Most Annoying Updates of All Time

Amanda has been wowing the Internet since 2008 when she launched her pretty-much-useless guide for parents, parenting BY dummies. As it turns out, her parenting advice is not generally useful for more than a good laugh, but sometimes that’s exactly what you need! Amanda spends her offline time (which is embarrassingly limited) running a photography business, working as a social media director for a local magazine, writing freelance articles about stuff she loves, wrangling her 3 little Dudes ... More

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2 comments

  1. pumpkin says:

    mmm i might get flamed for this one but one of my pet peeves on the good ol facebook has been a bit more recent. i am one of 6 girls that gave birth within a 2 year period. now hey if your kid took his or hers first steps, crawled for the first time or did something else AMAZING then by all means post away… but what i can live without is knowing that your kid just pooped…. or sneezed… or is sleeping… ya’know i think ya’ll catch my drift here…

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