7 Secrets to Slacker Parenting
If you're currently expecting a little bundle of joy, you may be wondering only one thing:
How on earth will I survive parenthood if I'm constantly this tired?
So, in response to that, I have good news and bad news. The bad news? That exhaustion really never goes away. In fact, it may get worse.
But the good news?
We have a few tried-and-true tips for surviving as a “slacker” parent without guilt. Your secrets are safe with us.
I trick the kids into cleaning the house.
I would like to feel guilty about this one, but I just don't. My son actually cries for the Swiffer and loves zooming around the kitchen sucking up crumbs. Almost every morning he sneaks a wet wipe from the pack while I'm changing the baby and happily scrubs away at the dresser to help make it clean. Now who am I to take that away from him?
I let the baby sleep in her car seat.
With four little kids, I spend a lot of time driving back and forth from school and preschool. And instead of fighting the fact that my two-month-old spends a lot of time in her car seat, I just go with it. If she's napping, I will often just leave her in the car seat to nap, or if I worry that taking her into the house will wake her up, I've been known to just lug my laptop out to the car and work next to her. Sometimes, you do what you gotta do.
Soiled undies go in the trash.
A good parent would think of the earth and scrub those accident-filled undies that are inevitable during the potty-training process, but as for me? Nope, no way. Into the trash they go. It's at least less waste than a disposable diaper, right?
I resist the toddler bed.
Sorry, but I don't care what the experts say. I'm keeping my son in his crib as long as humanly possible. It's just too convenient that he stays put in the morning so I can get the baby changed and fed without him completely destroying the house. Plus, he's quite comfy in there. (For now … )
I watch my TV in front of the baby.
When my first daughter was a baby, I would never watch TV in front of her. The horror! Wasting time that could be spent gazing into her eyes? Never! Now, though, I know better, and take full advantage of any time that I have alone with just the baby to catch up on my Netflix shows. I think of it as cuddle and relaxation time, which sounds like a win-win to me. Take advantage of it while you can, before they learn to start demanding their own shows.
Lunch always looks the same.
While admirable, lunch at my house will never look as impressive as this one. Instead, with a tight schedule to fit in everything during the day, I keep lunch very simple and unvaried. On any given day, lunch time will look like some variation of mac and cheese (I buy an all-natural version so I don't feel as guilty) or peanut butter and jelly (with all-natural peanut butter and homemade jam, again for the guilt factor). When they are babies, again, I keep it simple and buy some all-natural, organic baby food. Unless it's a banana or some smushed peas, I keep it simple and my kids are none the wiser.
I use “The Voice.”
Moms-to-be, listen up: this is the great secret of parenting. If you want your kids to do something, all you have to do is use the “The Voice.” You'll know the one when you hear it. That high-pitched, elevated voice that teachers and moms everywhere have perfected. Say anything with enthusiasm and excitement in “The Voice” and the answering will more than likely be cheering from your eager kids. Who wants to see how fast we can clean this room? Yay! Who wants to help paint Mom's nails? Woohoo! Who wants to go through the extra-special fun Starbucks drive-through? Oops, I may have just given away my last secret to slacker parenting with that one …
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