5 Questions About Multiple Miscarriage You’ve Wanted to Ask
Miscarriage is not easy to talk about, but I believe it's an important conversation we should be having. It's not easy to hear about miscarriage either because it's not a happy topic, but again, I believe it's imperative to listen. You can learn a lot about how to support the women and families who have been through miscarriage and talking can be a big aid in the grieving process.
I've been pretty open about my multiple miscarriages. I've shared many times about where I am in grief, how the losses have affected me, but I know there are some questions people have, but are maybe too shy to ask.
Here are the answers to five questions I have been asked a few times about my miscarriages that maybe you've wanted to ask, but haven't felt comfortable enough to.
What is the cause of your multiple miscarriages?
Where I am, doctors typically don't look into the cause of miscarriage until you've had three consecutive losses. That means you have to have three in a row before they'll do any testing so it took a while for us to get a good idea on what was going on.
For me, it was a three-fold: I had undiagnosed celiac disease, a problem with low progesterone, and I was eventually diagnosed with Factor V Leiden–a blood-clotting disorder that can affect pregnancy.
Why did you keep trying?
You know that biological clock that people talk about? I had it–bad and I had this intense feeling that someone was missing. I knew since I was very young that I wanted to be a mother and after my first two miscarriages, that feeling as more intense.
My husband and I had explored other options (freezing my eggs, adoption, etc.), but with my doctor's OK, we felt getting pregnant was our best option at that point. I really wanted to be a mother, I wanted to have the experience of pregnancy too, so I explored all my options.
What did your doctor do to help?
My doctors (I had a small team) first and foremost, were very caring, understanding, and really supportive. They gave me support and helped me understand what my options were and without that, I don't think I would have had any hope.
While I was trying to conceive, I was on low-dose aspirin to help thin my blood and counter the Factor V Leiden. I also was charting for ovulation because it was important to know as early as I could if I was pregnant.
When I had a positive pregnancy test, I was put on progesterone supplements for the first 20 weeks of pregnancy. It was originally going to be only the first 12 weeks, but a bleeding scare put me back on them and that's what we went with for the next pregnancies.
I was also on Fragmin injections due to Factor V Leiden, which caused my body to clot faster than normal. This thinned my blood and prevented blood clots from forming and causing harm to the baby, the placenta, or myself.
My doctors were amazing and I was welcomed with warm arms when I would head to the office without an appointment just so I could hear the heartbeat over a Doppler if I was worried.
How do you get through the grief?
One day at a time and sometimes one hour at a time. Early on, I didn't take the time to process all that was going on and can tell you that in doing so, when it all hit me, the grief did hit hard. It's important if you've had a miscarriage, multiple miscarriages, or stillbirth that you take the time to reflect, talk about your feelings, let out your anger, sadness, and frustrations. Talk about how you're disappointed, how you wish things could be different, and vent to trusted family and friends about all the issues that can come with the loss.
I got through (and still do) by doing just that. I take self-care measures when I know a trigger, such as a date or event, is coming up and I have my husband who will hold me and just let me sit with it all.
How do you cope with another pregnancy?
Pregnancy after loss (after loss) is scary. It really is because it all feels so out of your control and even if you have all the “tools” your doctor has outlined for you, it still can go wrong.
I celebrated every day because I learned very early that it's not going to hurt any less or any more if I didn't. I wanted to be excited as anyone who hasn't had a miscarriage and while it was always there –the worry–I didn't want it to overtake the excitement for that baby. I had a great team of doctors, a great support behind me, and I took it one day at a time.
Are there any questions you've wanted to ask? Share in the comments.