5 Hilarious Stories of the Ways Toddlers Embarrass Us

Image adapted via Flickr/ Katie Thomas

Toddlers are an interesting age group because they're still little and adorable and their communication skills are starting to catch up with their growth, but they're still learning some key factors.

Like their filter.

You know — when it's appropriate to say something and when it's best that they keep their mouths shut.

Adults sometimes have trouble with this social filter, but toddlers don't have any regard for it. They're still learning, so in many cases, it's just something that embarrasses us parents while they grow and learn this tricky skill.

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If you have a toddler of your own, or you've ever interacted with one, chances are you'll have heard them say some things that make the adults want to bury their faces in the sand. Read these five funny stories of toddlers embarrassing their parents, because it's not always the other way around.

Image via Flickr/ CarbonNYC [in SF!]

Observational, with No Filter

“We were in a McDonalds with my 2 1/2-year-old daughter, Kelly. She was observing people all around, and then she pointed to an obese man in line behind us. She said, ‘That man fat.'

“After our cajoling her to be quiet, she then looked at us very seriously and said, “I don't like fat people!” Funny to everyone but the fat guy and us!” — John Kennedy, neuroplastician, author of Zombie Thinking: Why we do what we do and how to improve it

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Image via Flickr/ quinn.anya

National Security?

“When our boys were little, we lived at the end of a secluded cul-de-sac on the edge of our neighborhood, adjoining a hundred acres of private wooded property. From the time that they could crawl, the kids spent most of their time outside and learned as part of their early potty training that it was generally fine to drop their pants and pee on the nearest tree. It never occurred to us to teach them discretion in public since both were still in diapers and under our immediate supervision whenever we ventured out. Even during a family vacation to Washington, D.C., the kids were always in arms or within arm's reach.

“It was only during an impromptu picnic lunch on the grounds across from the White House that the older boy (not yet 2), toddled off by himself to make faces at a large man walking casually among the sparse crowd, wearing a coiled wire earphone and occasionally speaking into his long-sleeve shirt cuff. One instant later, our son was bare to the ankles and happily ‘watering' an ancient oak tree.


“Panicked, I rushed over and picked up the boy, who giggled over the attention, and proudly continued to spray the tree. ‘Best to just stand there,' I decided, holding the kid at arm's length while he finished his business. Then up with his pants and back to the picnic blanket, hoping no one had seen this embarrassing display.

“At least one person had. The Secret Service agent was having a hard time maintaining his professional demeanor, grinning from one side of his mouth and waving at our boy with a flick of his microphoned wrist.

“Our son might not have been socially or hygienically appropriate that day, but at least his behavior was not a threat to national security.” — Donald B. Stewart, M.D. Chief Visual Humorist at The DS Art Studio Gallery

Image via Flickr/ quinn.anya

Road Rage

“I was taking my niece to Toys'R'Us for the first time, which was about 40 miles south of where we lived. I took the Southern California Freeway like always. … When we got back from the trip, Mommy asked my niece how [her trip was], and she said, ‘We met a lot of people named Dick.' ” — Tina Janke, Midtown Marketing Group, Inc.

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Image via Flickr/ mliu92

Doesn't Like What He Sees

“When our son was 2 years old, he came to visit me in the hospital. (I was in a serious car accident.) When he arrived, my younger sister, who was 17 years old at the time, had a friend of hers with her. My 2-year-old son walked in the room, he looked up at my sister's friend, and said “Ill (dragging out the illlllllll) you look scary” as he bunched up his face like he was going to cry. I wanted to crawl under the hospital bed; I was so embarrassed.” – LaShawn Dobbs

Image via Flickr/ makelessnoise

Guess What Mommy Did …

“I have lots of stories of total embarrassment, but one that sticks out the most was one time [when] my youngest son and I were checking out at the grocery store. My son decided to chat up a conversation with the checkout clerk. He said out of the blue, “Guess what my mommy did in her sleep last night?” I was horrified at what he was about to say because I didn't even know what I had done in my sleep. And he said at the top of his lungs ‘She farted, like this … !' He then made this horrendous noise that sounded something between a duck and a train.

“The clerk tried to be nice by not laughing, but she was turning red from holding it in, and the man standing in line behind us turned his back so that I couldn't see him bursting into tears. I was absolutely mortified.” — Tara Smith


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What is the most embarrassing thing your toddler has done to you? Share in the comments!

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5 Hilarious Stories of the Ways Toddlers Embarrass Us

Devan McGuinness is the founder of the online resource Unspoken Grief, which is dedicated to breaking the silence of perinatal grief for those directly and indirectly affected by miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death. Using her own experience of surviving 12 miscarriages, Devan has been actively supporting and encouraging others who are wading through the challenges associated with perinatal and neonatal loss. Winner of the 2012 Bloganthropy Award and named one of Babble's “25 bloggers wh ... More

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1 comment

  1. Vetmom says:

    Shortly after her fourth birthday, the day before Thanksgiving my ex and I took our daughter to his parents’ house so the guys could have man time and I could help cook the big feast. Our daughter entertained herself, running from room to room with her older cousin watching her. My MIL was mumbling but I paid no attention. The next day, the whole family and her grandpa’s boss and his wife are at the table for Thanksgiving dinner and my daughter is asked to say grace. She replied that she didn’t know what to say, so I asked “remember what Nana said last night that started with dear God?* and she said she did. I told her to say that, and she said loudly and clearly ” dear God, why the hell did we have to invite all these a$$holes to Thanksgiving?” Jaws dropped and faces turned colors, and I was as mortified as Nana, but we all ended up having a good laugh, except my daughter who didn’t know why we were laughing and her grandma who was the butt of many jokes.


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