4 Steps to Maintaining Friendships with Those Who Don’t Have Children
Pre-baby, you spent hours with your “bestie” each day, chatting on the phone, laughing in the coffee shop, and watching romantic comedies in her living room.
“The birth of a child changes one’s life drastically, including the friendships.”
Now, it’s been so long since you’ve seen her you can’t remember the color of her eyes.
Pauses in friendship are an unfortunate, albeit common, experience after a new baby’s arrival, particularly when only one of you two has a child. Though this drifting apart can happen immediately following birth, oftentimes friendship migrations happen so slowly you may not notice the rift until you’re oceans apart.
While you may think this could never happen to you and your best girl, Tina B. Tessina, PhD (aka “Dr. Romance”), psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, says, “The birth of a child changes one’s life drastically, including the friendships.”
Your life, which may have revolved around shopping and coffee and chatting about life pre-baby, will, at least for the first several months, be devoted entirely to your new baby’s needs. Often, says Tessina, when a couple has a new baby, “they will essentially disappear for a while.” Midnight feedings, trips to the doctor’s office, and a teeny tiny baby that depends on you for everything creates the need for a new schedule, which your friends may not be able to follow.
Though, Dallas Louis, author of The Mommy Diaries: How I’m Surviving Parenting without Killing Anyone, says, “It’s always important to try not to isolate yourself and become an ‘island mom’ all to yourself and your new baby.”