Dealing with a Miscarriage
Tiffany had three miscarriages in a row. All of them occurred within the first few weeks of pregnancy, and each one was just as miserable as the last. After trying so long to get pregnant, she saw her chances of having a baby as slim to none. Yes, having a miscarriage is heartbreaking. It doesn’t matter if you have only known you were pregnant for two days or 3 months, there is still a great loss present for a woman who miscarries. And while you are in pain, the well-intended words of doctors and friends can only sting more. ‘It’s probably for the best,” is not what you want to hear right now. Your doctors may act fairly untouched by your loss and simply convince you to try again as if you are shooting for a hole in one on the golf course. The truth is that miscarriage happens.
It is estimated that 2 out of every 3 pregnancies ends in miscarriage. The vast majorities of these miscarriages show up as late periods and occur before a woman even knows she is pregnant. The others normally happen within the first trimester, with the bulk occurring around the 9-10 week mark. This is the time when your baby’s heart should start beating and when a large genetic split takes place. And while it isn’t comforting, often the human body aborts a fetus at this stage if something is not developing correctly. In other words, it is just nature taking care of things. This doesn’t mean it has anything to do with something that you have or haven’t done.
If you have had a miscarriage, you should be encouraged to mourn. You should also realize that you can and should commemorate this little life that you loved, even briefly, in any way you choose. It doesn’t matter if other people think you are over reacting or being dramatic. The moment you know you are going to have a baby, you turn into a mother, and you love that child – regardless of how far along you are. From that moment, you begin drafting hopes and dreams for the future. A miscarriage feels like an end to all of that, and you deserve to take some time to recover emotionally and physically.
Instead of relying on friends to help you through, try to find a support group of people that have experienced the same thing. You will be surprised at just how many women there are who have had the same thing happen to them and who understand your pain. You should also allow your body to recover from the hormonal changes caused by pregnancy and miscarriage for a few months afterwards.
Most often, if you have had a miscarriage, you will be super anxious about your next attempts at pregnancy. First of all, relax! Talk to your OBGYN. As a precaution, many doctors will put women on progesterone for the first trimester to make sure that implantation occurs and that hormones respond appropriately. A miscarriage doesn’t mean that you are not ever going to have a child. In fact, it means that in many ways you already did – and are on your way to motherhood.
Remember, dealing with a miscarriage is not easy and not something you have to do alone. Get the support you need, and take time to grieve your loss in the ways that feel right to you.