“Yes, I’m Due Tomorrow!” and Other Lies I Tell Complete Strangers About My Pregnancy
There comes a time in every pregnant woman's life when she finds herself at a crossroads of just how she will respond to the 10 million comments she gets about her pregnant body out in public.
All the comments that come her way, like, “Wow, you must be due any day!” or the infamous “Are you sure it's not twins?!” or just that slow look of horror that crosses a stranger's face when you inform them that, actually, you aren't due for another 2 months, but thanks for asking.
For me, that time of reckoning has come sooner and sooner with each pregnancy. Primarily because I have just seemed to get bigger and bigger with each pregnancy, perhaps thanks to the fact that I'm now pregnant with my 5th baby, but also thanks in part to tacos, non-dairy ice cream, and my body's penchant for producing more amniotic fluid than I once thought physically possible.
All in all, I start to resemble what a normal woman might look like at 9 months along sometime around 5 months. And that, my friends, is when I am forced to make a few decisions about how I want to respond to the inevitable comments that will follow my impressive girth around.
So what's a cranky, hormonal, sweaty, large pregnant woman to do? Well, lie, of course. Here are all the lies that I've become totally accustomed to telling complete and total strangers about my pregnancy (and please tell me I'm not alone in these!):
Lie #1: “I feel great!”
I mean, really–has any pregnant woman in the history of time ever felt “great”? But I don't want to appear ungrateful, nor do I actually think the acquaintance casually asking how I feel really wants me to launch into a litany of complaints about my back pain, swollen ankles, weird hip cracks, or uncomfortable, broken sleep. So, honestly, it's just easier to just give them the answer they're looking for: “I feel great!” and leave it at that, because no one really commiserates with the plight of pregnant women unless they're waddling alongside of them, am I right or am I right?
Lie #2: “Yes, I'm actually due tomorrow!”
I won't lie to you, despite the fact that I have definitely lied to other people: I'm not due tomorrow. I'm not actually even due for another two months, but after the 1,000th time of getting “the look” from people when I informed them that that I still had literal months to go, I got tired of it and decided to switch my tactics. If they offered up a “Wow, you must be due soon!” I just smiled and agreed with them. If they looked horrified/shocked/dismayed in any way, shape, or form by my appearance and then proceeded to inquire as to my due date, I was sure to bump it up by a few (or 10) weeks. It was just way, way easier that way. And when I see them again in public after my supposed due date, well what you can you do?
Lie #3: “Oh, we're sooooo ready!”
I don't care how many babies you have had–is anyone ever really ready to have a baby again? I mean, sure I might have some onesies laying around and my mom may have thrown a pack of diapers my way, just in case, but as far as the life-changing event that having a baby is and the physically grueling task of giving birth, trying to deal, having to keep another human alive with only my boobs for nourishment, and oh, never sleeping? NO OF COURSE I AM NOT READY. But if you ask me, I'll probably just nod and smile and say something pleasant like, “Oh yes, we can't wait!” Even if the truth is more like, I will not actually be “ready” to have this baby until the physical discomfort of being pregnant trumps the nightmare that is giving birth for me. Ugh.
Lie #4: “No, I'm not hungry, thanks!”
Um, if I say I'm not hungry, there's a 100% chance I'm lying and just don't want to horrify you with how much I can actually eat.
In most normal circumstances, I am not a fan of telling lies, but as we all know, pregnancy is not a normal time in our lives, and I fully support any pregnant mama doing what she has to do to get through. So tell me: what little lies have you told to get through your own pregnancy?