Will I Ever Enjoy Sex Again After Pregnancy?
In an ironic turn of events, right before I inadvertently conceived my fourth child, I was on a marriage-improvement mission of sorts. Meaning, although nothing was glaringly wrong with my marriage, my husband and I were definitely facing some of the drudgery of three kids in four years, work, and all that normal-life stuff.
One of the biggest areas that I was focusing on improving in my marriage was in the bedroom.
I will admit that I had lost a lot of my groove, both from sheer exhaustion and also out of a huge fear of getting pregnant again. (Ha! I wonder why I was so worried …) I felt unattractive—still carrying extra weight from my third pregnancy—and I struggled with feeling sexy or desirable again.
But when I started to notice that my marriage could use a little pick-me-up, and when my youngest started sleeping more regularly through the night—giving me more energy—I decided it was time to invest in my marriage again.
And it worked. More time and attention for my husband translated into a better relationship for both of us; we were laughing more, talking more—just being silly during the everyday moments with young kids that might have stressed me out previously. More sex definitely made a difference.
However, I am definitely questioning my marriage moves, as I feel like I am back to square one.
I'm struggling with this pregnancy, worrying about my weight again, and also wondering in the back of my mind if I will ever enjoy sex again after this pregnancy.
I'm only eight weeks into this pregnancy, and I'm already having a hard time—horrible morning sickness, extreme exhaustion—really, it's embarrassing. You would think that I had never been pregnant before!
You know, the last thing on my mind is any action in the bedroom, and I have a sneaking suspicion it's going to stay that way for a long, long time. With a summer pregnancy, recuperation from childbirth, breastfeeding, and the inevitable fight to get the body I never had back, things aren't looking so good.
Then there's the question of finalizing this family planning business. My husband and I will definitely need to have a serious conversation about if we are “officially” done in the baby-making department before I can really start to feel comfortable. Part of me feels bad about my misgivings in the bedroom, but honestly, I don't think my feelings are all that abnormal. The fact that my body has been solely mine only for about a combined 11 months in the past six years is enough to make a girl want to run and hide!
But really, I know that our marriage will find a new “normal,” and I will have to learn to settle into my role as a wife and a mother of four, and I will have to find a place where I can be content with my postpartum body.
It might just take me a while to get there.
How about you? Did you have a hard time getting your groove back after baby?