Will I Be a Good Mom?

I lean my elbows on the scuffed wood of our apartment balcony, freshly painted by my husband only a few weeks ago and look out over the fields of corn that stretch for miles in our small farm town. 

It's a beautiful day and the day stretches out endlessly before me with no work and no responsibilities–not a care in the world. 

I look down at my belly, full of incredulity that there is an actual human being inside of me and I doubt myself. I doubt my own happiness because I'm afraid I won't measure up to the be the type of mother that this baby needs.

Except of course, for the one that seems to hit me smack dab in the face every time I look down. 

I'm pregnant with our first child. 

And I can't seem to shake the thought that I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. The pregnancy was a bit, well, unexpected, you could say, and I feel like I've been playing catch-up in the motherhood game before it even started.

Through it all, I just hear one question echoing through my head. 

“Will I be a good mom?”

beach baby bump
Image via J & J Brusie Photography

I  have no idea how to reconcile the fact that I really haven't become an adult with the fact that I have some serious growing up to do–and fast. My baby, due in just a few short weeks, seems like one of those strange dreams when you wake up wondering if what you dreamt was actually true.

Except that I'm not dreaming. I really am about to become a mother.

{ MORE:  Unplanned Pregnancy Increases Risk of PPD }

The truth is, I want to be excited about having a baby. I want to be excited about fulfilling my life-long dream of becoming a mother. But my fear is stopping me. 

I'm afraid I won't be good enough. That I won't love enough, protect enough, know enough. 

I look down at my belly, full of incredulity that there is an actual human being inside of me and I doubt myself. I doubt my own happiness because I'm afraid I won't measure up to the be the type of mother that this baby needs. 

I'm afraid I simply won't be a good mom. 

ADVERTISEMENT

Fast forward five and a half years…

Since that day, I'm happy to say that I went on to have that baby–who, of course, turned out to the most perfect first daughter of all time, and two more after that. 

And with each pregnancy, the fear never went away. There was also a fear that I wouldn't be enough or have enough or give enough for what that baby needed.

But I needn't have worried, because with each pregnancy and each baby that I was blessed enough to hold in my arms, I have been reminded over and over of the most valuable lesson that motherhood can impart on all of us:

All you really need is love. 

And maybe a whole lot of diapers. Those help too. 

MORE:  7 Celebrity Moms Who Were Pregnant Brides }

 

What do you think?

Will I Be a Good Mom?

Chaunie Brusie is a writer, mom of four, and founder of The Stay Strong Mom, a community + gift box service for moms after loss. ... More

Tell us what you think!

3 comments

  1. Serenity says:

    Its a fear everyone has no matter how many kids you have I bet even the duggars wife has that fear still and shes going on number 20 I think.

  2. Phammom says:

    That’s every moms fear.

  3. Diana says:

    Great article.. just the way I feel

Advertisement
[x]
×

EverydayFamily.com Week-by-Week Newsletter

Receive weekly updates on your pregnancy or new baby’s development as well as Free Stuff, Special Offers, Product Samples, Coupons, Checklists and Tools you can use today, and more from EverydayFamily! Plus all new members are entered to win FREE diapers for a year! Receive weekly updates on your pregnancy or new baby’s development as well as Free Stuff, Special Offers, Product Samples, Coupons, Checklists and Tools you can use today, and more from EverydayFamily! Plus all new members are entered to win FREE diapers for a year!

Due Date or Baby's Birth Date


By clicking the "Join Now" button you are agreeing to the terms of use and privacy policy.

Send this to a friend