When You’re Not Ready For Another Baby

Yesterday, my husband and I returned home from what was supposed to be a fun and relaxing kid-free trip to Mexico with our in-laws. After experiencing being pregnant on our honeymoon, I was looking forward to the trip as a “second honeymoon” of sorts–just me with my husband, lots of drinks, and lounging on the beach, of course. 

Until I found out that I was pregnant two weeks before we left. 

And I found myself right back to that dark place I was almost exactly six years ago, when I discovered that I was unexpectedly expecting during my senior year of college. Embarrassed, ashamed, and most of all …

Downright terrified. 

I feel like I am in danger of sinking into a prenatal depression of sorts. (Is that even possible?) I walked in to our kitchen last night after a grueling 13 hours of travel – exhausted, queasy, and still fighting off a lingering Mexican stomach bug – to children that were fighting with each other, a house that seems to overwhelm me with its bulging laundry baskets and overflowing toilets, and all I can think is,

How on earth can I manage another baby?

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Image via j&j brusie photography
Image via j&j brusie photography

I want to be one of those joyful expectant mamas who excitedly plans their baby's nurseries on Pinterest and post weekly bump updates, but honestly, I just want to get through this pregnancy. 

So I guess that is where I'm at right now, still learning the lessons that motherhood is teaching me, even after three children. That in all honesty, it's ok to feel scared and overwhelmed. 

I'm a bit mad at myself, for “letting” this happen–even as I write these words, I know there will be judgment from other parents, but sometimes, we simply can't judge what goes on in other parents' lives, can we? We can't accurately determine the intricacies of the conception of life, nor can we assume what is right for one family will work for another.

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So I guess that is where I'm at right now, still learning the lessons that motherhood is teaching me, even after three children. That in all honesty, it's ok to feel scared and overwhelmed.

And unfortunately, there's no right answer or formula to follow to get you to the place you want to be as a mother; maybe it's about giving up the unrealistic expectations you had about crafting every day while breastfeeding, or perhaps it comes in accepting that sleep will have to wait. 

But either way, as I'm about to find out in a very big way, the lessons of motherhood never stop teaching. Because motherhood, whether it's your first or your fourth child, is overwhelming and scary. 

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And the beauty of the love we have for our children never ceases to be all that we need to go on. 

Have you faced an unexpected pregnancy that left you feeling overwhelmed? 

What do you think?

When You’re Not Ready For Another Baby

Chaunie Brusie is a writer, mom of four, and founder of The Stay Strong Mom, a community + gift box service for moms after loss. ... More

Tell us what you think!

6 comments

  1. Mary-Hope says:

    This I definitely needed to see!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!

  2. Kristin says:

    I have personally known a couple of women who got pregnant right after they had a child. I know for me i would not feel good about it.

  3. gfeld says:

    Never did I have a pregnancy that left me feeling overwhelmed, planned or unplanned, so I can only sympathize with you that you feel this way.

  4. Briansmommy says:

    Remember how much you love your child that came from your first unplanned pregnancy and in many ways, all the good that has resulted from that first unplanned pregnancy. Keep that in mind when you think about this unplanned pregnancy. And remember, God has a plan for everything. Want to make God laugh, tell him your plans! So He’s got a plan for this unplanned pregnancy. And, hey, at least you’re married for this unplanned pregnancy – so you don’t have that aspect coming into play. Not saying it makes it less scary, just one less thing to think about.

  5. Tabitha says:

    I know exactly how you feel! Baby number two came as an unpleasant surprise, and it has taken me the entire pregnancy and the entirety of her newborn stage to even begin liking her, much less loving her. And that feels ugly. How terrible of a mom must I be that I didn’t want this child? That I didn’t immediately fall in love with that perfectly round head, full of red hair, and that porcelain doll skin that I just know will burn with only 15 minutes of sun exposure? At 4 months, she has a beautiful smile, and she babbles and coos like I’m doing the best job in the world. But I still feel like Cinderella’s stepmother… rotten to the core.

    • Don’t feel rotten. Some Mom’s are like that. I have a friend who couldn’t attach to her son till he was two. Then she found the bond with him. I am still having issues finding that bond with my one year old. My husband and I planned on having a child, but not for another year. I was just rising the ladder at work and making a name for myself when I became pregnant with my son. My job required me to lift and move a minimum of 45lbs and work 60 hours a week, but with my high-risk pregnancy I wasn’t allowed to do any of what my job entailed by doctors orders. Now I am back down to what I started at, all my accomplishments lost because I now have a child to put first. I am sad to say, I kind of resent my son for it, even though I know it is not his fault. In time I will be able to try for that strive again, just not with the company I am at now.

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