What to Expect with Pregnancy After Miscarriage
This month, I joined the one in four women across the world who have experienced a loss through miscarriage or stillbirth. I lit my candle in remembrance of the baby I will never get to meet and I then I went and hid in the bathroom to cry because well, we all know the shower is the best place to cry, right?
My miscarriage has been a hard experience, a lot of it because I already have other children and I have wondered if I have the right to be so sad. But I guess grief doesn't care how many children you have or how far along you were or how much you feel guilty, it just kind of does its own thing.
Going through a loss like that has changed me and honestly, I've been thinking a lot about whether I will ever want to try for another baby or not. Because the thought of pregnancy after a loss can be a scary experience.
A pregnancy loss changes you forever and it changes how you experience pregnancy forever. If you were fortunate enough to have complication-free pregnancies in the past, like I was, you will never have that carefree attitude towards pregnancy again. You may mourn the fact that you have to experience pregnancy in a new way and you may even begrudge women who have not had a loss for being able to sail through without a second thought — that's completely normal.
It doesn't seem fair that having one loss should rob you of the experience of having joy in your next pregnancy and you know what? It's not fair. I wish I had an easy answer for you, but I will say that I know those feelings of being terrified of ever being pregnant again and opening myself up to that amount of pain again.
But you are truly not alone. There are many wonderful organizations, such as Pregnancy After Loss Support, dedicated specifically to women going though pregnancy after loss and many women who are sharing their stories of pregnancy after loss. There won't be an easy way or a simple solution to “turn off” the very real fears that having a pregnancy after a loss will bring on, but luckily, as these organizations and women show — there is hope and there is always support.