I Want Another Baby, but My Husband Doesn’t

A funny thing happens when you're busy birthing babies, pushing through sleepless nights, and changing diaper after diaper–

All of those “it goes by so quickly” admonitions that everyone tells you with a wistful shake of their heads suddenly become 100% true. 

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I had a grand plan for our childrearing years: After having three kids back to back to back, almost every two years to the day, I declared that we were on a baby break. My husband and I had hit our stride, so to speak — we were out of nighttime nursing sessions, everyone could walk and talk, and we even (gasp) had two kids that could buckle their own car seats. We were feeling pretty carefree. For the first time in six years, we were looking forward to a little bit more free time, maybe exploring some different career options, and heck, even doing something crazy like paying down some of our massive student-loan debts. 

Yes sir, we were done having kids for a while. I wanted to give my body a much-needed break, take a breather, finally get back in shape, and then when we felt ready, cherish the heck out of our last baby.

I felt like I had gone through three pregnancies so quickly — and the resulting babies — that I was merely just surviving them, not really cherishing those moments or enjoying my pregnancies at all. I really, really wanted to savor every last moment of our “last” baby. 

Can you guess what happened next?

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Image via Chaunie Brusie j&j brusie photography

Yup. You guessed it. 

I got pregnant again, and we had our fourth baby almost exactly two years after our third, bringing the grand total to four kids in seven years. 

My pregnancy was tough on me. Physically, I had some complications from polyhydramnios (that's me at only 35 weeks in the picture there — I was huuuge), and mentally, I struggled, too. I didn't feel ready to go through another pregnancy, let alone another baby, and I spent those nine months pretty fearful of what lay ahead. 

Of course, everything turned out more than OK, and my daughter is a tremendous joy in our lives. She is the most easygoing baby to date, and her smile alone lights up our entire world. I am so, so thankful she is here. 

But now that the whirlwind of my pregnancy with her, an induction at 37 weeks, and the newborn stage (she's 4 months old now!) are all over, I find myself right back to where I was before she happened along–

Wanting just one more pregnancy, one more baby, one more postpartum time when I have nothing to worry about save breathing in that delicious newborn scent. 

I want what I wanted the first time around — to just really enjoy being pregnant for once and to soak up every last minute of babyhood without feeling like I was rushing through it all. And there's just one problem–

My husband doesn't want any more kids.

Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any good compromise on having kids. It's not like we can have half a kid, for instance. I have a feeling that, eventually, I will be able to make my husband come around, because, honestly, how can you say no to more love and baby smell in your life? But for right now, we find ourselves at a very strange place, with me wanting a baby and my husband saying “no way.” 

{ MORE: Woman Gives Birth One Hour after Discovering She's Pregnant }

So tell me — have you ever encountered this situation? How did you resolve it?  

What do you think?

I Want Another Baby, but My Husband Doesn’t

Chaunie Brusie is a coffee mug addict, a labor and delivery nurse turned freelance writer, and a young(ish) mom of four. She is the author of "Tiny Blue Lines: Preparing For Your Baby, Moving Forward In Faith, & Reclaiming Your Life In An Unplanned Pregnancy" and "The Moments That Made You A Mother". She also runs Passion Meets Practicality, a community of tips + inspiration for work-at-home mothers. ... More

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7 comments

  1. Profile photo of Shelly Shelly says:

    I’m not quite 38 yet….just looking for advice I guess. I ha e four beautiful children already between the ages of 15-3. The three oldest girls are with my ex husband, my three year old son with my fiancée. I long to have one more child with him, to give our son a younger brother to form that special brotherly bond with…or sister, but boys run strongly on his side. He is dead set against it, claims at 42 he is too old. My heart is breaking more with every passing day. I have opted to have a few procedures done as a preventative measure against cervical cancer which reared its ugly head in some of my relatives, but before so….I wanted to have just one more. I don’t know what to say or do at this point, we have a great relationship, we have been together for five years, but I feel myself getting resentful. My heart just aches!

    • Profile photo of Megan KlayEditor Megan Klay says:

      I’m sorry to hear that, Shelly! I think the best thing you can do is continue to talk to him about it. Tell him you don’t want to be resentful, so you’re sharing your feelings. With that, you’ll have to understand that he’ll likely share his as well and they may not be what you want to hear. Through talking with one another hopefully one of you will be able to find the same desire as the other. Best wishes!

  2. Profile photo of Tori Tori says:

    With men, it’s not about not wanting a baby just because he’s probably tired of not sleeping, changing diapers, etc. More often than not, men are programmed to be “providers” and more often than not, with more than 3 kids, the mom stays at home, and the father makes the income. So more than likely, this could an issue with your husband making this a financial decision. Having kids is the most rewarding experience I can think of, but you don’t want to become “kid poor” and having to struggle make ends meet, struggle to provide for them day in and day out. I want more kids, but I also want my kids to live a happy, healthy, stress free childhood, and if we are barley able to make ends meet, that causes tremendous family stress.

  3. Profile photo of Monica Monica says:

    I was like you… I kept having babies back to back. My baby boy turn four I wanted another one…. I have three boys and told my husband I want to try for a girl. I enjoyed it so much…. I finally got my girl. She is awesome. She is 6 months now and I want another one, but my husband is saying no… But he will come around…. He talks about it too…

  4. Profile photo of Sidra Sidra says:

    I just had my first baby in December. She is 10 weeks old now. My husband already has 3 more. He said that he doesn’t want anymore children. I know why but I want another so I can enjoy my pregnancy. From being told that I’m barren to me conceiving (having 2 miscarriages prior) and then having this baby after 5 years of marriage this pregnancy for scary for both of us. I was having complications and was high risk but I made it to term and was induced at 38-39 weeks with perfect and fast delivery. I didn’t get to enjoy this pregnancy cuz we were so stressed about baby n my life. now I know that I can have children and we can make it to term I want another one. Not now but in a few years. I don’t know how I am gonna convince him but I know I’ll have another baby.

  5. Profile photo of Regina Regina says:

    I think someone telling you that you are pushing your husband into something he doesn’t want to do and that you already have enough kids is incredibly insensitive and judgmental. I’m sorry, I’ve been where you are. Your husband has feelings, but so do you and both are valid and important. You have just as much right to say that you want another baby as your husband does to say he doesn’t want another. I think the key is just to keep the communication open and to respect and love each other always. My husband felt like that too after our three kids. I kept praying for what God wanted us to do and I really felt like we weren’t done yet. It took my husband a few years, but he prayed about it too and finally got on board again. We are expecting our 4th and he is as excited as I am! 🙂 Just keep praying for God’s will. 🙂

  6. Profile photo of Nolan Nolan says:

    It sounds like your grand plan was to have 4 kids in the end, just that the last one came a little bit early. You saying
    “just one more” sounds pretty scary to a man, when will it stop?

    Think about your husband, think about your 4 kids, think about your rough last pregnancy, and think about giving your body a break. isn’t 4 kids enough? I don’t see how pushing your partner into more than he’s comfortable with is a good idea. You already have so much, why not just enjoy it?

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