The Ups and Downs of Marriage

Shockingly, at the age of 30, I have been married almost ten years. And despite the fact that I still kind of sort of feel like I can't possibly be a real adult, here I am. And if there's one thing I am hoping about marriage, it's this:

That marriage, kind of like my weight through four pregnancies, definitely has its ups and downs. 

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Sometimes I wonder what other people's marriages are like. Do they too sometimes go between hating their husbands, despising the way he does that gross sniffle thing, to swooning over the way he is just the greatest man ever for getting the baby to sleep? Do they too look at other couples' lovey-dovey Instagram posts about how they justloveeachothersomuch#soulmates and want to throw up a little? Do they too sometimes wonder when marriage with kids turned into some sort of business relationship requiring an intricate exchange of schedules, children's bowel habits, and texts to pick up milk?

I certainly hope so. Not that I do any of those things, of course. Ahem. 

Just between us, I'm going to go ahead and say that marriage is just freaking hard. I actually wrote an entire book about how much I suck at marriage. (No, seriously.) There have been days I have fantasized about running away and ditching it all. Hopefully I'm not the only one who has done that. 

But marriage over the years has taught me one thing: that despite the hard days, there really are good days too. Just when I think our marriage is reduced to fights about toilet paper or bickering about work schedules or whose day was worse (um, did he have to deal with endless amounts of poop from a toddler?), there will be one finest reminder of why our marriage isn't so bad after all. And just like that, the tide will turn and we're climbing out of the dark hole and back on one of those up parts of marriage. 

During the up stages of marriages, I feel a great sense of relief, like I was so silly for every worrying during those inevitable down slumps. But then, the tide will shift again and it's down again, sometimes when you least expect it. Blah. 

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The truth is, maybe I just suck at marriage or maybe everyone's marriage is different or maybe marriage with little kids is just super hard sometimes and more than likely, the truth is some kind of combination of all of those things. Either way, after almost 10 years, I am not giving up, because I've learned enough to realize that just as much as I know I will experience the ‘downs' of marriage, the ups are just as real too. 

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Have you experienced ups and downs through marriage too?


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The Ups and Downs of Marriage

Chaunie Brusie is a writer, mom of four, and founder of The Stay Strong Mom, a community + gift box service for moms after loss. ... More

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