Tuesday’s Top 10 (on Thursday) – Keeping Your Sex Life Alive
How is your sex life? I know, I know, that’s really a personal question and one that rarely, if ever, gets an honest answer (And I don’t REALLY want to know).
A few weeks ago, an acquaintance of mine was sort of bragging about her awesome sex life. The rest of us moms sitting there, listening to her stories of romantic interludes, were shifting in our chairs, sort of uncomfortable because sex, for us, has turned into a race against the kids bursting through the bedroom door. I honestly believe this woman was lying, because for one: I have seen her husband. And 2: we found out yesterday that the couple is getting a divorce.
Seriously speaking though, dissatisfaction with marital sex ranks high upon the list of reasons that people divorce. The problem specifically is that people go into long-term relationships with unreasonable expectations of how their sex life will be in a few years – once pregnancy and the kids come along. And, kids change your sex life in more ways than one.
So this Tuesday, it’s a Top 10 list of ways to keep your sex life alive. (G-rated of course!) And please, feel free to share the ways you keep the spice in your relationship alive as well. Truth is MOST of us are in the same boat here – whether we admit it, or not.
1. Bathe. I love seeing new moms, but I don’t like smelling them. The mixture of baby vomit, sweat, and greasy hair is a huge turn-off. As a mother who had NO help with twins the first year of their life, I know how hard personal grooming can be. But, not only will it make YOU feel better, it will enable you to feel more comfortable getting close (if you know what I mean) to your man. Heck, I am sure he will appreciate the shower as well.
2. Get over your body's imperfections. Who cares if you have stretch marks, if you have a C-section scar, or if you aren’t perfect? Have you seen what some strippers look like? (Finger down throat) And most men will agree that your body is perfect to them – so get out of your own head with negative talk about your body.
3. Remember to treat your man like a grownup. Stop calling him Dad or Daddy all the time. Don’t baby talk him. Avoid telling HIM what to do. Don’t nag about how many more diapers you have changed. Remember, you and him had a relationship FIRST.
4. I have always slept with my kids, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t get up and visit the bed my husband is in. If you lie down with your kids and fall asleep, sneak into your bedroom when you wake up to pee (or because the kids are kicking you in the face) and make love to your man. (We all know it doesn’t have to take long)
5. Shower together. This takes care of number one, and is a nice way to have some private time together. Who knows what will happen? Even if you don’t have sex, you will keep the intimate connection alive.
6. If you are with the kids all day, make sure you let your man know that you are still thinking about him. Send him a flirty text. Leave a note in his car. In other words, take 10 seconds to show that you are still interested in him, even if you are exhausted. Sadly, men love to have their ego rubbed.
7. Don’t get into a “who initiates sex” war. It doesn’t really matter, does it? Often, couples become leery of one another and worry about being rejected, so they don’t initiate at all. He’s afraid you are too tired and you’re afraid the kids are going to walk into the room. Just do it for goodness sake.
8. Lower your standards a bit. Before the kids, the two of you made love for hours, woke up together, and did it again. If you have toddlers or teens, that probably “ain't gonna happen!” Settle for a quickie – in the car in the garage if you have to. Be creative.
9. Schedule sex. And I mean seriously put it on your calendar, just as you did when you were trying to get pregnant. If you don’t, suddenly a week leads to a month, which leads to 6 months and so on. It’s much easier to stay on the sex bandwagon because once you fall off – it’s hard to figure out how to hitch a ride.
10. Talk about sex. Make sure that having the kids hasn’t turned you into a mom-prude. Yes, it can be hard to switch hats from being the butt-wiper to the kind of woman that gropes her man while watching TV. Make sure sex is still in your vocabulary. Make innuendos, keep it fun, and see every opportunity with your mate as a chance to show them you are STILL sexually interested in them.