Sexual Admissions from a Stay at Home Mom

woman touching a man 

Everyone likes to talk about sex.  Unless of course, they are talking about their own sex lives.  In that case, most people make up a lot of stories, keep their mouths completely shut, or spend a lot of time ruminating about whether their coupled sex life is normal or not. 

What is the national average?  Is a marriage doomed if a couple goes a month without having sex?  Is it always the men who ‘want it more,' and the women who don't ‘put out enough,' as the old cliches seem to indicate?  Is bigger really better? And what do women really want in the bedroom?

Women are so often accused of being or becoming non-sexual creatures once they have children.  Men stand around water coolers and complain that their wife is just no longer interested in sex.  But is THAT really the case? 

sex survey that dates back to the late 1800's seems to indicate that women DO and ALWAYS HAVE had a healthy appreciation for sex.  The 1867 document, that is dubbed the world’s first sex survey, indicates that women have just as much of a healthy desire for intimacy as do their male counterparts.  And even more interesting is that the fantasies of women may even surpass that of their male partners.  Just look at the immense success of 50 Shades of Grey.

So why all this miscommunication between the sexes?  Today, if a woman wants to be sexual – she should be able to put aside her maternal instincts long enough to ask to be satisfied by her man.  Is it still considered ‘unladylike' to do so?  Is a woman who loves sex considered a slut? 

And if men, so interested in having MORE sex with their partners are really that interested – why don't they quite simply put a little more effort into pleasing their woman? 

Perhaps then, they would find a much more willing partner who is not just willing – but excited, ecstatic even – to put the baby down for an early nap. According to a Cosmopolitan survey, 83% of married women surveyed felt that their partners quit trying to please them, or became uninterested in the quality of their sex life once they were in a committed relationship with children. 

Come on guys!  Man up a little.  And ladies….let's be honest about your needs.

If the women from the 1800's could admit that the pleasurable sensations of sex were a natural part of a happier, more natural existence – then why can't the women of 2013 do the same?  

What about you?  Has the QUALITY or QUANTITY of your sex life declined since you became a parent?

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What do you think?

Sexual Admissions from a Stay at Home Mom

Stef Daniel is the 40ish year old, experienced (meaning crazy already) mother of count ‘em…4 daughters (yes, she takes prayers) who have taught her nearly E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G she needs to know about raising kids and staying sane. She hails from a small town in Georgia where she lives with her family in a red tin roofed house (with just ONE bathroom mind you) on a farm - with tons of animals of course. One day, due to her sheer aversion to shoes and her immense lov ... More

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80 comments

  1. Lauren says:

    When I was pregnant my husband and I were having sex constantly, multiple times a day even. After my son was born we still had the same sex drive which was nice. Then I got an infection and it hurt to have sex, of course I got on meds and it went away. But after that my sex drive was almost nothing my husband had to beg me to have sex, pleading with me. I thought maybe it was my birth control affecting my sex drive. For me it feels like we have sex all the time, for my husband he feels like we go forever without having sex. In reality we probably ave sex 3-4 times a week. But I am definitely not as enthusiastic as he is. I enjoy it one we start but I almost never initiate it. And its not that i don’t want to, I think my body just doesn’t want to respond. What do I do?!

  2. Courtny says:

    Me & my man used to be inseparable in the bedroom until our first child, than things changed.. We went through a lot of ups and downs but now with our second child on the way things are getting way better.. Its like he’s actually trying & sex has become amazzzing again.

  3. natalie says:

    My husband and I had a good sex life until I was about 4 and a half months pregnant. Then it stopped completely. 🙁 I made it to 8 months before he would even cuddle me again. Now we might have sex every once in a while but it’s only when he wants it. My son is due in a week or so and I honestly don’t think it will get better. Even if it did I will always be tired. My husband doesn’t even get out of bed when the dogs bark so hebisnt going to be much help when the baby cries. Side note my husband even took testosterone boosters that he claims he needed but there was no increase in sex drive… At least not around me

  4. Michelle says:

    My husband and I are having more intimacy with me being pregnant than when we were dating! We were discussing it recently and we cant decide if its due to the pregnancy or the marriage. Either way, I’m loving it! I hope that it will carry on after our little one is here!

    • amy says:

      My husband was the same way, he said it was because I was so much hotter (body temperature). Fortunately, even after my temperature returned to normal the sex stayed the same, pretty much. He was always considerate of mom duties but when every he could get it he was thrilled.

  5. sheena says:

    sex is different for each person and iv had 5 kids going on 6 so that shows you i still love and like sex no matter how many kids i have we have a awesome sex life we have no completes in that department;) hehe

  6. Sonia says:

    everyones sex life is different i think couples should understand each other

  7. Samantha says:

    My husband and I have very different sexual personalitys. To him “I always want sex” where to me he is a once a week kind of guy. My system to get mine as much as I can are as fallows: when he does something nice for me I praise him A LOT. I will praise him all day for that one thing, even if I asked him to do it. When he tries to do something “out of the box” special for me, I lay it on thick about how wonderful I think he is for that, even if he royally screws it up. I make a point of telling him I love him everyday, and tell him he’s wonderful everyday. Finally if he does do a good job in bed I tell him, he did do a good job in bed for like a week. Men like being prasied, cause their performance is a big deal to them even if they are not a every night kind of guy. But with lots of praise, constant RESPECT, love, and affection I discovered you can turn a once in awhile guy into every nite kind of guy. I have a really great man in my husband but he came to me a little banged up emotionally, sexually, and mentally. And even tho he wants to be better, my constant desire for him, my praise of him, love, and patience has helped in way neither of us thought would happen.

    To put it in perspective, after being insulted by exes ( whether it was true or not) was more damaging to him than, the one time I was rapped. He was VERY supportive, never pressuring. Even now always careful of my physical, and emotional scars from that trama. I feel blessed to be able to help him thru his own issues, after all the TLC he has given me. LOVE MY HUSBAND! Sorry too full of love.

  8. Samantha says:

    I’m 29 weeks and my husband and I usually are very sexual but now I feel like I have to beg or force him to want it anymore. I’m hoping this is just a phase.

    • Member ALEX says:

      You act different way like…..change dress and use only bra & panties… and do sex different angle and posssition..then you enjoy more..more….any doubt call me i will explain more…

    • karen says:

      Dont let it get you down or stress you out. It isnt good for the baby to feel that way. Im 16 weeks pregnant and ever since we found out our sex life has decreased majorly. Im sure your a very beautiful woman pregnant or not. And if it bothers you that much take care of yourself. It will help keep you positive and feeling good about yourself during the time your waiting for the good stuff. Hope things get better and stay positive girl!

  9. Zolimar says:

    My baby is grow have 3 pounds and 5 onz

  10. Joe says:

    come on guys, it takes EFFORT!

  11. Rebekah says:

    What I found after my husband and I had our first baby girl, was that if the quality of the sex was becoming monotonous, it was because of another aspect of our marriage. For example, if the house was constantly a pigsty, I was stressed and he was too, after work, and the house just added to it: basically impossible to set any kind of romantic mood. Another thing that worked against us was if we didn’t make time to just talk together and keep getting to know one another. No matter how long you have known someone, they develop new interests and hopes and dreams, and if they don’t feel like you are trying to keep a connection with them, then the romance department plummets as well. As soon as we felt like there was a special time for us together, even if it didn’t involve intercourse, the romance started to feel like it did when we were dating. I can honestly say that my husbands and my sex life has only gotten better since the baby, since it gave us a whole lot more to discover about each other. Also, look or ask for little things that your man likes to have done on a daily basis, because just maybe if he sees that you are making time to do the little things that he likes, like maybe keeping fresh underwear ready daily for him, or keeping the coffee table cleared off so he can go through some books, then he will be more open to trying to do something extra special for you too.

  12. Melissa says:

    My fiancé and I haven’t has sex in five months. Our DD is three months old. I have all the desire and he has none. We have talked about it so many times and nothing has changed. He claims we never get time to ourselves but last night his mom watched baby for an overnight and guess what? Nothing happened, we went to bed just the same as when she’s home. I’m tired of being the only one who wants it and I can’t handle anymore bedroom rejection so I’m sadly coming to terms with the fact that ours will be just another loveless marriage. 🙁

    • monica says:

      Don’t give up. We went 8mos w/o any lovin after our baby was born and now only have lovin about every 2mos. Sometimes I cant even remember when we last had sex. He just really doesn’t have the drive. But I know that he loves me and he works 12hr shifts 5days a week so that I can stay home with the baby and go to school part time. But I had to let the expectation of sex in our marriage go. And it was sad. When I thought back, I realized that he was never really interested in having sex with me, but I was too stoopid to realize it. It hurt so bad to be rejected. I used to try to get him to have sex with me all the time, it was driving me crazy and I was miserable. He rejected me 3xin one week. After that, I was like F this and stopped trying. It took a lot of time/mental training/soul searching/meditation/counseling and anger, but I was able to let go the expectation of frequent/regular sex and am able to be happier now. I’m able to take what he gives and just enjoy it – cause I never know when it’s going to come again. He’s a genuinely GOOD man and takes his responsibilities seriously when it comes to providing for us. I hope that some of my experience is helpful to you. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. It is just about the worst feeling there is to be rejected by your spouse – but just be full in your self and nurture yourself, cause you are worth it. Many Blessings and much love to you.

    • Michele says:

      My husband and I were having the same issue for a while. Than we decided to sit down and make of thing we like sexually and things we would like to try. It really seemed to help us out. We also try just holding hands, cuddling and making out. We will even hit on each other just to make interesting. I hope that some of these Ideas help you out.

  13. Tiffany says:

    The sex drive is definitely there for me, even being almost 6 months pregnant and in pain most of the time. What kills the mood is that I am still working full-time, taking care of the house, all the yard work, and paying for 90 percent of the bills by myself. My fiance expects myself and my 12 year old daughter to take care of everything, while he thinks it’s ok to play video games all day or veg out with a movie. Then he wonders why I am not affectionate or sexually attracted to him. Men, it’s important to support your significant other. Not in just helping with housework, but physically as well. I don’t get back rubs or any other physical relief after stressing myself out with all the work both at my job and home. I’ve tried talking to him about this. Things will get better for 2 days at the max and then revert to “normal.” I now have to just pleasure myself because I am so turned off by his actions.

  14. JonPaul says:

    Personally, with a 3 month old, I’d say that the quantity of sex I have with my husband has (slightly) decreased, but the quality definitely has not.

    • Member ALEX says:

      Not decreased the SEX always increase the sex, you can try different way & possition…. first you sleep withonly black bra & red paties..automatically sex mood is increas–we are doing same way and doing every day minium 4times Sex..it is very enjoy and beautiful.

  15. Aubrey says:

    After the birth of my 3rd child, breast feeding and subsequent tubal ligation, I have to say I really wasn’t all that interested in sex. Too tired, didn’t feel sexy when I had milk dripping (even though the hubby thought it was cool) As long as I wasn’t too exhausted I made time for the hubby in the sheets. He always made sure to pleasure me before he got off himself. Once I was finally done breastfeeding (made it to 15mo) I ended up purchasing a bunch of toys to assist in bringing my sex drive back. My little guy is now 22mo and the hubby and I are back to 5times a week on average. I think a woman does have to work on bringing her sex drive back, and the man needs to help.

  16. stephanie says:

    I agree with this article. It’s not that the desire isn’t there but that the quality of the sex has gone far from where it was so it feels like your getting a routine rather then the good stuff you once knew and wished was still there. lol. Its a bit complex in my own sex life because I’m so far into my pregnancy that all I feel is pain (leg pain, back pain, Braxton Hicks…you name it) plus my husband has cancer and undergoing treatment. So for now I can just say good bye to sex 🙁

  17. Things declined from his end since we’ve had kids. I workout I eat healthy I am pretty darn attractive 🙂 so I don’t know why he’s less interested… but I am definitely very interested and I am to put it bluntly not hardly getting any.

  18. Dj says:

    I have a 4 month old, and while i was pregnant I could not get enough sheet action. My boy friend on the hand didn’t want anything to do with it. After having her it was the other way he wanted to go back to before we were expecting and I just could not. Then when we both were getting back to normal it almost seamed not worth it. I rather be with the baby then be disappointed, or used it seamed like. He didn’t care about what I wanted or didn’t. I tryed to work with him, but it felt the more I tryed the less he had to. So it got to the point where I was just going through the motions. That’s not a good place to be. Like stated in the article they don’t have to try because they have tied you down with kids, I just relised that its a two way street. As girls we are taught to kiss the frogs and one day we will find our prince. Some times that prince goes back to the frog mind set and we kiss again. At what point do we stop kissing that same frog and give them a turn to kiss “the princes”.

  19. Phammom says:

    I sometimes feel like its a chore.

  20. Amanda says:

    TO THAT RUDE GUY NAMED “LEE”
    If a guy actaully LOVED and CARED about his wife, he would love her for who she is….. old guys like young women because they cant “get enough” and are pigs… and can not get over the fact that they are old now and that the women their age know better to date you because they know how you all are… and young females only like you old trouts because they want your money…. sorry but its the sad truth. once they get enough they move onto the next younger looking older guy… so dont feel special… and if guys cheat on their wives because of how they look after they have kids… then thats ridiculous.. not everyone can magically “bounce back” weight and looks wise…and if the wife is the only one taking care of the kids and house and cooking and everything.. then you should feel like crap! men work and expect their tired, busy wives to do everything… im sure you wern’t all brought up that way.. maybe the “old guys” were since thats how they treated women back in the day… but when women have to do everything.. how do you expect them to have spare time to go to the gym? Maybe offer to get a baby sitter once in a while, and get a gym membership together.. that can make you two have a closer bond and enjoy spending time together while staying healthy and in shape… women dont like when their husbands let them selves go but expect their wives to stay sexy for them…thats not fair… you gt married and take vows to love each other and stay together through sickness and health among other things.. grow up and get a pair.. when you get older it does get harder to keep weight off.. especially when they are depressed and forced to live with an egotistical d-bag like you!

    • Frances says:

      He’s not only rude. He’s ignorant and empty which to me is even worst so full of demands but we would have to actually ask his wife does he even please you is he even man enough?? Cuz he sure don’t sound like it…

  21. Amanda says:

    I dont know if it only has to do with pregnancy. I notice i used to love havig sex everyday a few times a day, a few years ago, but once i got in a serious relationship with my fiance’, i think we got so comfortable, my sex drive just started to go away ..maybe i felt i didnt need to please him in worry that he would leave, like i used to with past boyfriends.. i dont know but im sure pregnancy will make it worse and that worries me.

  22. Rachel says:

    My husband and I have a healthy sex life and it did slow down for a little while after having our baby but picked back up. Its not always easy to just jump right back in but you figure it out. 🙂 And Jason as far as your wife she may be depressed? I don’t see why she would completely stop taking care of herself. I am sorry to hear that.

  23. PaulaPC says:

    I think it depends on the woman really. The drive before pregnancy… probably 1/4 that is what will be left after for at least a while… at least any of the women I know I guess. For me? I have a high sex drive. I used to like 5-7 times a week. I just had my baby 2 months ago. My drive is down to 1-2 times a week and likely will be for another few months maybe. This is my 3rd baby and I just had 2 surgeries a few weeks ago, so I tend to be a bit tired. Once recovered though I don’t see an issue. Never slowed down much with my previous 2 children. We’re already talking of a possible #4 though too. 😛 Some friends of mine though were once a week types and now they’re down to once a month.

  24. GeorgeMorris says:

    All of you ladys that are suffering,I have a hell of auh lot of time on my hands!

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