7 Rules for Visiting a New Baby

You are about to have a baby.

Moment of silence for your awesomeness.

You are about to bring a new person into the world!

And that means… you are about to get a bunch of visitors.

Does that excite or terrify you?

I teetered between both emotions to be honest.

You will be overwhelmed – whether it’s with love or fatigue or a need to pull your knees up to your chest and rock in the corner. So what you absolutely don’t need is an army of ill-equipped, well-intentioned, rubber-neckers hanging around. You need help. And a smile. And a compliment or nine.

As the person carrying the baby the masses will soon be fawning over, you have a duty – an unavoidable responsibility – to educate these loved ones before your baby is born, your hormones go haywire, and you send your mother-in-law home in tears.

So, here are the rules for your guests. Feel free to mass e-mail your entire address book. Or, you could just tape this to your front door? Hehehe.

You’re welcome.

Time Ain’t On Your Side:  When visiting a new baby, understand downtime is at a premium.  Sure newborns sleep a ton, but new parents (and new babies) are uncoordinated.  Feeding takes time, burping takes time, swaddling takes time… and before you know it, the cycle repeats.  Be sensitive to this.  Ask new parents what time you should visit, and when that time is set – stick to it.  Don’t be surprised, though, if your once perfectly planned time slot turns into a meltdown moment.  Newborns happen.

Don’t Come A Knockin’:  A good friend of mine visited me in my final month of pregnancy.  She brought minestrone for my freezer and made me vow not to allow a single houseguest to enter the premises without food in hand.  She’s wise.  The last thing on any new mother’s mind is meal prep.  Bring something.  Anything.  It doesn’t need to be five courses (cupcakes were key for me!).  It doesn’t even need to be food.  Paper plates should get you in the door.  Paper plates and a casserole should get you extra snuggle time with the baby.  Oh, and if there is an older sibling (or in my case, dog sisters), you may want to bring something for them too!

Wash Your Hands:  A non-germophobe can turn into an antibacterial bandit overnight when she brings a child into the world.  Wash your hands.  Even if you just did.  There are no exceptions.  Exposing babies to a healthy amount of germs is not your job.  Your job is to wash your hands.  And if you are feeling sick, your job is to stay away.

Mum’s the Word:  After you have a baby, there is only one thing you hear more in an average day than your new baby’s cries.  And that one thing is ADVICE.  Everybody has advice.  EVERYBODY.  Keep yours to yourself unless the new parents invite it.  Many people want advice.  Many people don’t.  Unless yours is requested, your commentary should revolve around how cute/smart/sweet the baby is.

Lend a Hand:  After my baby was born, my mother-in-law did piles of laundry and scoured my shower.  My aunts did my dishes.  My mother walked my dogs and kept my Starbucks cup full.  My uncles offered to make returns at Babies R Us.  My friends brought cupcakes and helped me address thank you notes.  Those things were magnificent.  Offer to do those things.

Prepare for TMI:  A new mother’s body has undergone a lot.  Pregnancy and labor most likely stripped her of some modesty, and new parent fatigue has most likely stripped her of her filter.  Prepare for boob talk, labor play-by-plays, hemorrhoid updates, and a lesson in padsicles.  Google it. 

Be Nice:  If ever there was a time to pay someone a compliment, it is now.  Motherhood brings about a whole new world of insecurity and anxiety.  Tell us we are glowing, that we are naturals, that you are soooo impressed.  Tell us we are amazing, because seriously, we are.  And a few months from now, once we’ve gained a grasp of our new normal, you can stop playing by these rules and go back to treating us like you used to.  Or not.

What other guidelines would you like your guests to follow?