“We’re Pregnant” or “I’m Pregnant”? What’s the Correct Expression?

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Image via Flickr/ Ken Wilcox.

Maybe some of you saw this last week on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. Mila Kunis, who is expecting her first child with her fiancé, Ashton Kutcher, revealed her big time issues with people that say “we're pregnant” when the female in the relationship has a bun in the oven. 

Honestly, I've never understood why people say this. In her (scripted) rant, she hits it right on the head.

Does the guy have a small human sucking calcium, nutrients, and energy out of his body?

No.

Does the guy have issues sleeping because of the way that his baby is kicking and laying?

No.

Does the guy have sudden weight gain coupled with the unexplainable appetite for weird food and the desire to constantly be napping?

Probably. But that's not the point. 

{ MORE: Losing a Twin During Pregnancy }

From what I've seen, dads don't do a freaking thing during pregnancy. Except maybe stand around and deal with her maniacal hormones and impulsive cleaning fits.

Pregnancy does mean that a baby is coming, yes, but it doesn't just characterize the impending advent of a brand new human—it's an all-encompassing state of existence that consists of nine months of pain, exhaustion, hunger, grumpiness, emotions, and ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream.

That being said, dad blogger Jay Sokol has decided to change his wife's pregnancy into their pregnancy. He writes a pretty underwhelming argument as to why he thinks that Mila was wrong in saying  that guys have no place in the ownership of a pregnancy. 

He says that “any man who is excited to become/be a father should be recognized positively, for fatherhood is just about the best gift possible.”

That still doesn't change the biological fact that you aren't pregnant, bro. 

{ MORE: What to Do When You're Scared to Give Birth }

What do you think? Is saying “we're pregnant” a way to make the pregnancy a team effort, or are you as literal as they come and stick to only the one carrying the baby saying “I'm pregnant”?

Let me know!

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What do you think?

“We’re Pregnant” or “I’m Pregnant”? What’s the Correct Expression?

Jace Whatcott is a self-diagnosed introvert who loves crossword puzzles, golf, and reading. Despite being a male contributor—one of the few on this particular website—he is not in unfamiliar territory. Because he is an English major, 90% of his classmates are females, so he’s not too worried about being a fish out of water. One of his favorite things to do is to raid local thrift stores for used books. He’s always looking for something to read, or for something to put on his endless to-r ... More

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66 comments

  1. rachael says:

    “I’m pregnant,” but “we’re expecting!” 🙂

  2. Mike Wallens says:

    We use millions of phrases in English that are not meant to be taken literally. It’s said metaphorically but I think to suggest the wife is the only one experiencing the symptoms of pregnancy is a bit insensitive to the male partner. Believe it or not, some of us are empathetic enough to feel sick and uncomfortable when our wife feels sick and uncomfortable. If she’s up in the middle of the night so am I, worrying and trying to take care of her. I’m experiencing the pregnancy too in that sense. Seems to me energy is being wasted on pettiness instead of applauding the father for being so emotionally invested in the proceedings. I think you would be much better served criticizing unavailable fathers than ones that care and are committed enough to use this phrase. Besides, if my wife agrees in the acceptibility of the phrase then I’m not sure who appointed you the arbiter of police person of our language. Familiarize yourself with the meaning of metaphor and you will see it pops up routinely in everyone’s speech.

  3. Leonid says:

    Well of course “im pregnant” is the only technically correct term because only a lady can carry a child. Sadly this politically correct twaddle is common and does make nonsense of the wonder of child birth but I guess it is a sign of the times. Does not detract from the importance of a joint role of man/woman however

  4. Sobia says:

    It’s always “I am pregnant”. Guys have no idea what women is going through.

  5. arleen says:

    I think it’s so sweet when I hear soon to be dad’s say “we”. It shows how much he feels a part of the process and connected to what’s going on. Anyone getting their undies in a bunch is ridiculous. Obviously the woman is physically pregnant, but both parents are expecting. If things are as expected he’s there to see,experience,listen,support, massage, do late night food craving runs for us. Definitely sounds like team work.

  6. Erica says:

    My husband and I have two kids, both times I would use the term “we.” It instills the man with responsibility for the pregnancy also. He helps with Dr appointments, massages my feet, legs, back, shoulders. He readies for the baby also. I have a friend that wasn’t married to the father of her child, she didn’t use the term “we.” I think which you use tells about the relationship, one that is not solidified or one with very independent partners I would imagine are more likely to use the term “I.” This is from my personally experience, just because you say “I,” doesn’t mean you don’t have a good marriage or are selfish. Sometimes, it does feel like a “just me” kind of experience.

  7. Audrey says:

    Well it does in fact take two to create that lil bundle of joy.. without the help of the father of course he or she would not b there.. so I do think “we r pregnant”.. is the right choice of words.. yes the fathers dont have to deal with all the wonderful experiences of pregnancy that us women do.. but fathers do go threw their own issues during that 9 months.. some of which they have to deal with our emontional outburst or attitudes.. and crazy cravings.. and some of which us women will never understand.. I do know that the worst thing for them is…. they have to sit back and watch the one person that thwy love dearly go threw the worst pain and know that their is absolutely nothing they can do to help… I can only imagine what that is like… all I know is when I talk about my daughterwhen her father is around. . Its not my, its our daughter..so my pregnancy experience was definitely his experience as well… everytime I talk about my pregnancy. . Im constantly saying ours or were .. or something alobg those lines. Well that is just my opinion.

  8. Jessica says:

    and biblically 2 become 1 in marriage, so why can’t we be pregnant 🙂

    • Kathleen says:

      Because we are not talking about the Bible, we are talking about biology. Cast your mind back to 8th grade biology, there are certain functions that can only occur in a female. So, both are thrilled and happy parents to be. Only she can be pregnant; the biological fact does not negate their joy and his involvement.

  9. Jessica says:

    I personally don’t think it matters. It is simply up to the couple themselves as to how they wqnt to refer to their pregnancy. I dont understand why anyone else would care if a couple decides to refer to a pregnancy as theirs. The fact is that it does take 2 to tango and men have to put up with alot from their pregnant wives or significant other. I personally love the idea of sharing this pregnancy with my husband in any way he wants to involve himself. It is a wonderful bonding experience for the 2 or should i say 3 of us 🙂

  10. Member says:

    I personally think the expression “We are expecting” is appropriate, as both parties are expecting a child, but the woman is the ONLY one who is pregnant. No matter how much extra slack the husband picks up, or how many hormonal swings or late night cravings they go get. They are NEVER experiencing the pregnancy INSIDE their body 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!

    • Kathleen says:

      It is a biological impossibility for him to be pregnant, therefore, “we” are not pregnant- even if he has sympathetic cravings. I am a professional writer and this inaccuracy disturbs me because the person using it seems to be unaware of the distinction.

  11. Caroline says:

    I think that “we’re pregnant” is for insecure people trying to make men feel more involved. Being pregnant means carrying a child, so, no, men are not pregnant. They may be expecting a child, but not pregnant. For the women out there who said “we are pregnant”, did you also say “we are breastfeeding” when your husband watched you feed your baby? Study a bit of biology and check the dictionary: men cannot get pregnant (unless they are transgender).

    • Samanthababy says:

      Absolutely Caroline! Finally, there’s someone with brains Pheew:) Pregnant means a woman carrying a baby and despite that it takes two to make a baby, only a woman gets pregnant.

  12. Robin says:

    I like to say we are going to have a babi because even though I’m the one carrying our child, we are having this child together. My husband does what he can to help me deal with my pregnancy problems ie rub my back, let’s me think I’m always right, and run out at 2 am for chocolate cupcakes and orange juice. He’s also been getting up with our first born in the morning so I can sleep in a little longer. Even though he can’t do all the things I have to do as the mother, he does try to make it easier on me because he loves me and our children more than anything and I say that gives him the right to say we are pregnant.

    • Kathleen says:

      That is lovely and you have the right to say what you want, inaccurate as it is. Why not say, “We’re having a baby!” or “We can’t wait to be parents!” have the right to yell fire in a movie theater even if there is none, so- should I do it?

  13. Amanda says:

    Well in my case it was “I’m pregnant”. I was actually on birth control just in case even though my dr said it was unlikely that I could get pregnant. I have always wanted kids so I was always upset. But against all odds I did get pregnant and had no idea for 4 months! My daughters father almost killed me in a car accident that left me unable to walk with a shattered femur that they put a Steel rod in and will never be taken out. Also a fractured hip along with cuts and bruises all over my body. Then left me for his ex. A few months later I found out that I was pregnant the whole time. So I did everything by myself he didn’t go to dr appts. or anything. He wasn’t there for me at all, but I did perfectly fine by myself, and still do, even though I was still healing from the car accident. I had a beautiful baby girl and she is perfectly healthy! She’s my little miracle baby. She is now 3 months old and the father has seen her once so the phrase “We’re pregnant” in my case hits a nerve because he wasn’t even around let alone actually pregnant. But now his new girlfriend is pregnant so hopefully he’ll be there for her. So I believe “We’re expecting” or “I’m pregnant”. But someone saying “We’re pregnant”, Is unnatural, He’s not.

  14. nichole says:

    My husband and I have been married 8 years. And when we found out this time around I said We’re pregnant and We’re expecting. It makes him feel apart of it even though I am doing the carrying and nurturing. 🙂 but when he says it its Nichole is pregnant hahah its not a were thing with him saying it. But i think it just depends on the person and the situation i suppose. Either way it pretty much means the same thing to me 🙂

  15. Cherise says:

    WE are pregnant. without him you wouldn’t have a bun in the oven. if you are a single parent.. yes YOU are pregnant. it includes the dad from the beginning, encouraging him to stand in his role.

    • Kathleen says:

      Do not confuse the donor’s role with the biological fact that only a woman is pregnant. I guess if you want to be brutally frank you would say, “He inseminated me and I became pregnant”, but who says that? However, it is only you who is pregnant. You do not need to bend biology to “encourage him to stand in his role”; just keep saying, “He’s the dad, isn’t that fantastic!” Are there not any women with backgrounds in life sciences on this site?

  16. Jenna says:

    I am pregnant. WE are expecting. Physically, he can’t be, so he doesn’t get that term. He can expect, be looking forward to, etc.

  17. Brandi says:

    I believe WE are pregnant. We are expecting a child, and we are in this together. Granted, it’s my body and she is growing inside me, I wouldn’t be able to do this without him. I carry her and support her, while he Carries and supports me. I hurt, he hurts. I’m hungry, he’s hungry. When I had morning sickness for the first 5 months, so did he. If I need rest, he lets me rest or cuddles right next to me. He cooks and cleans and makes sure I don’t do any heavy lifting, or any at all. He take the kids Out( our older ones). He’s an all around great partner. Long story short, he may not be PHYSICALLY carrying OUR child, but he has been going through everything WITH me. So yes, WE are pregnant.

  18. Brandon says:

    We believe it should be “we’re pregnant” in the situation that its a couple having the child together and “I’m pregnant” in the situation of a single mother .

  19. Kornisha says:

    I think we’re pregnant is a better way to make the father more apart of the pregnancy. Plus when we are having our pregnancy mood swings, they have to deal with it. When we are feeling sick, they are there to take care of us, when we are having those weird cravings and need for them to go to the store at all hours of the day, they go and do it, when we are having those crazy dreams and waking up at all hours of the night, they are there to comfort us. When you get so big and can’t see to shave, who do you think is going to be there to help? They don’t go through as much as us, but they do play a role. Because I know I can be a B* sometimes(sorry but true) so it’s take a lot to put up with me.

  20. Melissa says:

    I say I’m Pregnant and We’re Expecting. My husband isn’t going through all this stuff so there is no we in pregnancy.

  21. Annabelle says:

    My son and daughter-in-law are having my first grandchild. She is pregnant, but I say all the time “we are having a baby” “our baby is due” etc. It is a group effort to make it through a pregnancy and it takes a village to raise a child 😉 From, Mother-in-law, Renee.

  22. Brittany says:

    i believe everything is a we thing except for the pregnant part in pregnancy so i would say im pregnant 🙂

  23. Rhonda says:

    I tend to say “we’re” with everything in pregnancy! my husband and I have been together for 16 years married for 7years! Everything is ours by now (except when the kids are notty, then there his kids…lol..j/k) recently my husband and I suffered a loss at 5 months with our last baby…we made to through together along with our faith in Christ. We are just over 5 months again with this baby. And while I know he is not actually pregnant persay….he has picked up the slack during my bed rest and all of my chores and our other children and been right by my side every time things have gotten scary with this pregnancy……so in our cases “we’re” pregnant is deserved…..men really do have to go through all the joy or heartache that is associated with pregnancy!!!!!

  24. Shannon says:

    I’M pregnant.
    WE’RE having a baby.

    Although it doesn’t really matter to me, it just sounds funny if WE are pregnant. Haha

  25. Eddie says:

    I’m an expecting dad and i tend to use the term “We’re expecting” rather than “we’re pregnant”. If I am using the term pregnant its in the terms “She’s Pregnant” or combine it as such, “my wife is pregnant and we’re expecting a baby boy”

    All of that said I don’t agree with making the guys who use this term as villains. I read a comment on the Huffington Post article posted which read {The “we’re pregnant” phase is used by selfish men who can’t stand to surrender the spotlight to the mother-to-be, even for a short time.} Seriously?

    How about we focus on more important things such as, is the father to be supportive, attentive, kind and loving. Is he providing the needs for his pregnant wife and will he be there for his child? I understand that the Mila Kuniz thing struck a chord with women who agree, but honestly, it was a just comedy sketch. Let the guys off the hook if there intentions are good.

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