Shout Out to All the Moms Who Stockpile Pregnancy Tests Every Month

Almost every single month, I go through the same ritual. Approximately ten days before my period is due, I start taking obsessive inventory over my body. 

Are my boobs bigger? They are definitely sore … but are they too sore? OMG, was that implantation pain I just felt?

Now, my husband and I have no plans to have a baby anytime soon. And despite the fact that we plan carefully not to have a baby anytime soon, my mind still automatically goes to wondering if I could be pregnant. Every. Single. Month. 

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Actually, just between you and me, it's kind of exhausting, isn't it? For a variety of different reasons, I am unable to use hormonal birth control, which means that in the back of my mind, I feel like there's always that slight chance that the unexpected could happen. And let's face it, even with other forms of birth control, the unexpected definitely happens, too. 

Image via Flickr/ Johannes Jander

So every month, I take a mental inventory of the possible signs of pregnancy. Having had four kids already, you think I would be pretty sure of what is actually pregnancy and what is PMS. And honestly, deep down, I think I know when I am pregnant and when I am not. There's this visceral, gut feeling I have had with all of my pregnancies when I just knew I was pregnant before even testing. But still, every month, I put myself through a torturous “what if” scenario. And in my defense, PMS and pregnancy symptoms are very similar, so I swear I'm not totally insane. I think. 

What's really going on with all the testing, I think, is that part of me almost wishes another pregnancy would happen. After going through a miscarriage last summer (a pregnancy that was unexpected and again, that I knew was there before even testing), I haven't felt ready to try for another baby yet. But part of me still longs for that chance at new life once again. 

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It's that small spark of hope, I think, that keeps me testing. I tell myself I won't, that I'm being ridiculous, that I know I'm not pregnant, and it will still be a waste. And then next thing you know, I'm sprinting to the bathroom to pee on a stick. Maybe I'm addicted to the adrenaline rush? That heart-pounding moment as you hold your breath and wait for the tell-tale line to appear? I don't know … Or maybe something is just seriously wrong with me? 

Whatever is it is, I can't seem to stop myself from testing every month, “just in case.” And I've spent a regrettable small fortune on pregnancy tests over the years. Thanks to Amazon Prime, my little habit is even easier, since I can ensure my stockpile never runs low. 

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So this is my official shout out to all the similarly obsessive moms out there, who secretly stockpile pregnancy tests and take them every single month. Even when we know better. Just know that I'll be right there with you, peeing away on a pregnancy test, even when I know it's pointless. Because who knows? Maybe one of these months all of our obsessiveness will come in handy. 

Do you take a lot of pregnancy tests? Tell me I'm not alone!

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Shout Out to All the Moms Who Stockpile Pregnancy Tests Every Month

Chaunie Brusie is a writer, mom of four, and founder of The Stay Strong Mom, a community + gift box service for moms after loss. ... More

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