My Partner Doesn’t Understand My Pregnancy!

foot rub

You know how in all the movies and TV shows, when a lady is pregnant, her man suddenly becomes super attentive and loving? Running out the door to buy her pickles and ice cream at 3 a.m.? Rubbing her feet every night? Talking adoringly to her belly?

My husband wasn’t anything like that.

Sure, maybe with our first daughter I could get him to feel my belly once in awhile as she kicked and squirmed in there, but by the time our third child rolled around, I swear the man didn’t even remember that I was pregnant.

So much for that foot rub.

I struggled with feelings of occasional resentment and loneliness during my pregnancies, wishing my husband would dote over me and the precious cargo that I was carrying. But if anything, with each consecutive pregnancy, I felt less and less connected to my husband.

If you’re experiencing similar feelings during your pregnancy, here is some advice from a well-worn mama who has been there:

  • Stop being so good at your job. Seriously, sometimes I felt like the reason my husband didn’t dote all over me or beg me to sit down and put my feet up is because I was just too darn good at being pregnant and still carrying on the house and work responsibilities. He’s not a mind reader, nor has he ever been pregnant, so he honestly had no idea that I was struggling a bit to keep up my workload.
  • Take what you need. Are you dying for a massage? Need a break just to plop down on the couch and read a magazine? It took me a while to learn this lesson, but stop waiting around for your significant other to suggest that you take time for yourself and just do it. Now.
  • Tell him how you’re feeling. Obvious? Maybe. Easy? Not so much. It can be challenging to try to explain what pregnancy is like to a man, especially if you also have other children and work responsibilities going on. The extreme fatigue alone is enough to knock a person out, and he may honestly not realize how tired you are. Without attacking him, try talking to him about how you are feeling. We’re not complicated creatures—sometimes all we need is acknowledgment of a job well done.
  • Two words: date night. Although it may be a struggle to convince your pregnant self to get dolled up and out the door, it will do wonders for you and your relationship to take some time together. Even a simple dinner out can be a refreshing change. And remember—you have extra cleavage now. Use it. 

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My Partner Doesn’t Understand My Pregnancy!

Chaunie Brusie is a writer, mom of four, and founder of The Stay Strong Mom, a community + gift box service for moms after loss. ... More

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