Potty Trainer for Hire: Literally One of the Crappiest Jobs

Image via Flickr/ ToddMorris

So, there was this one time when my mom was trying to potty train my younger brother, and crap hit the fan. Not literally, thank goodness, but things were not looking up. My mom and two of my brothers, including the one who was potty training, went to a sporting goods store (a typical stop for a family full of boys), and my youngest brother needed to go to the bathroom. The fact that he recognized that he actually had to use the bathroom instead of letting the trapdoor open and let everything out was a monumental step in his potty progression.

But once he exited the men's room and out of nowhere asked my mom for new clothes, they knew that the trip to the toilet wasn't as successful as they had hoped. My brother went in to survey the damage, and reported that he checked all of the stalls and none of them looked like they had been used. However, the log in the urinal and the trail of poop that led from the urinals to the door spoke volumes of the trauma in the bathroom.

{ MORE: Potty Training Boys: The Battle of Yellow River }

I'm sure this story isn't unique in any way shape or form. In fact, I'm sure poop has been found in even weirder places than a urinal. (I'm still trying to figure out how he hoisted himself up there and balanced on the porcelain waterfall machine.)

And because this type of thing isn't unheard of, professional potty trainer Samantha Allen has started her own business that has the promise of being able to potty train your child in just a couple of days!

If this gal would have been around when I was being potty trained, my mom wouldn't have had to spend so much money on Starbursts. (Starbursts were the only thing that would give me enough incentive to run to the bathroom instead of soiling myself.) Of course, she would have spent the money elsewhere, because these services don't come cheap.

{ MORE: Potty Training Boys }

I haven't reached the position of potty trainer yet, I've only been the potty trainee, but I have heard from first-hand accounts that this is one of the least favorites of all of the childhood milestones. So would you be willing to shell out a $1,000 for the services of the Potty Whisperer? (Yes, she charges one grand to teach your kid to use the porcelain throne.)

What are some of your potty training horror stories? I want to hear about them!


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Potty Trainer for Hire: Literally One of the Crappiest Jobs

Jace Whatcott is a self-diagnosed introvert who loves crossword puzzles, golf, and reading. Despite being a male contributor—one of the few on this particular website—he is not in unfamiliar territory. Because he is an English major, 90% of his classmates are females, so he’s not too worried about being a fish out of water. One of his favorite things to do is to raid local thrift stores for used books. He’s always looking for something to read, or for something to put on his endless to-r ... More

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