With a New Baby, You Owe Your Spouse Even More

If you have a newborn or child on the way, you know it’s a game-changer. Life is different now, and that’s a good thing!

But just like when you fell in love with your partner, having a baby around will suddenly thrust you into exploring and expressing new emotions. New traditions will commence. Your routine will change. This unchartered territory is going to test your patience, resolve and complacency.

However, stay strong, dear friend. There’s no need to run for the hills. The reality is, this baby will enhance your relationship and multiply your bounty for love. Because with great, new power comes great responsibility.

The baby stuff – that’ll come naturally. It’s called instinct. Animals have it, and we do, too. But when it comes to your spouse, you just have to remember a few steadfast rules. Your spouse needs just as much care, attention, and love as that new baby. But in a different way. 

{ MORE: Dear Exhausted Mama: I See You }

your spouse
Image via Pixabay

Show respect 

There are differences in men and women. The differences do not make one better or more right than the other, just different. We parent differently, we prioritize differently. We nurture friendships differently and have different interests and modes of communication. It’s what defines and offers distinction between masculinity and femininity. But neither a male nor female approach to parenting is wrong.

So, always treat one another with respect. Things can get testy as the child grows, and heaven forbid, abusive. No matter whether that abuse is physical or verbal – both horribly wrong – there’s also the likelihood of another crime. And that’s disrespect toward a spouse. If you witnessed that as a child, don’t repeat history. And if you treat one another with disrespect now, there’s a good chance your child will learn that and pass it on to the next generation, not to mention grow up with other problems.

Recall your vows 

Remember those promises you made on your wedding day? Those words mean something, and they weren’t just part of that day’s ritual. Those words you willingly said were covenants you made for life. You’re supposed to live them. Every. Day.

All vows are worded a little differently, but they have the same gist: “I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and health; I will love and honor you all the days of my life.”

And if you’re not married, they’re still rock-solid statements to live by. There’s something very comforting about another person making a promise not just with you, but doing so in front of everyone they know and to an even higher authority.

So, keep your vows top of mind, especially during these new baby days. They’re like your family’s mission statement.

Stand united 

While your kids are growing up, they need to see you united as one strong parenting force. Stand together. Believe each other. Trust each other’s decisions and judgment, and never contradict one another. But remember, in order to do all this, you have to be on the same page and discuss decisions first – not acting alone and independently. One day your children will realize just how blessed they are for the unified guidance you gave them. 

{ MORE: 4 Ways Your Partner Can Be a Hands-On Parent Before Baby Arrives }


Sacrifice involves setting aside our inner self that wants to be first and the focus of attention. It doesn’t mean that we become insignificant or give up our identity, but we’re no longer a single entity. In a marriage, two people are now one. When you do something for your spouse, you’re doing something for your marriage. These can be little things. Put your appetite or indulgences aside, help fold laundry when you’d rather rest, let your spouse relax first. Do this often, and even your new baby will benefit from seeing beautiful spousal love.

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With a New Baby, You Owe Your Spouse Even More

Tom Konecny is a dad of four children and husband to wife, Erika. Tom currently serves as a private consultant in writing, communications and marketing. In 2013, Tom founded Dad Marketing, a site dedicated to exploring the world of marketing to dads. He previously worked in sports marketing, served as an associate editor and writer for several publications, and directed an award-winning corporate marketing department. His first book, "DADLY Dollar$" will be published this summer, and he is c ... More

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