One And Done?

girl on mom's pregnant belly 

It's good to know I am not alone. Tick tock. You hear it? Yep, it's my biological clock and it seems to be ticking louder than ever. I'm one of those older moms, you know, a lady who waited till age 35 to get in this game called parenthood.

How old were you when you entered this journey? Does your age affect your thought about the number of children you will have?

I've never regretted waiting those 13 years with the hubby before starting our family. Though it took us about a year to conceive, the other 12 years were simply spent building careers, making a home, doing a little traveling and, in general, enjoying life. I never thought much about how entering into parenthood as an “older mother” would affect me or my child's development.

Do you think you parent differently based on your age?

I definitely do. I imagine that if I was 20 or 25 or even 30 when I became a mom, I think I would have been a lot less patient and a bit more rattled at some of the adventures. As it goes, 35 was a great age to settle into parenthood. I felt balanced. I felt secure. I was ready to hang out with a tiny tot and never missed the “good old days.”

Now the question becomes, am I done at one? As an older mom, should I be?

Newest research off the press suggests there are more women like me (older) and NO, they are not done after having one child. Specifically, this research concluded that among “all women whose first birth occurred between age 35 and 44, nearly 40 percent had at least two children in 2006-2010, up from 26 percent recorded in 1995.  According to government statistics, about 7,500 women gave birth at age 45 or over in 2008, so the percentage of moms who’ve had two or more children after age 34 is probably even higher.”

What will be the impact to these children? Do you think their families will be more settled, both emotionally and financially? Or are older parents just that, old, and too tired to enter into this journey?

Of course, the question is magnified when you consider adding a second child at an older age.

As for me, one and done? I think so, but you never know. Just like the journey itself, I may change direction just one more time. 


What do you think?

One And Done?

Jeannie Fleming-Gifford is a mama to one little lady, freelance writer, and the director of education for a non-profit community school of the arts. Graduating with a B.A. in Music and a M.A. in Child Development, Jeannie began her career in quality child development programs as a teacher, then moved into creative administrative roles with science centers, symphony orchestras and arts programs. Owner of 170+ year old house, Jeannie loves living in small town America where walks to the park and ... More

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  1. JQBMom says:

    If only due to the fact that I am obese, and developed gestational diabetes, I would be done.
    But, even growing up, I only ever wanted one child.
    My husband had a daughter, who is now 16 years old, and she lives solely with us; I call her daughter, too. So we got more than we thought we would with this new baby, who is less than a month from being born. We’ll both be 38 by that time, and financially, emotionally, and spiritually, we feel this one is ~our~ only one… unless God has other plans, we’re going to prepare for her to be the last baby born to either of us, and are really quite happy in that decision.

  2. verochka31 says:

    I feel sorry for any only child. I know a number of them and they hate it. They all wish to have had atleast one sibbling. Friends are great but not the same. I am the oldest out of eight. my husband and I have 5, going on 6. it gets loud and crazy at times but its fun and great memories. I am not judging peoples opionions. I am just expressng my opinion andthe fact that I would have hated it if I was an only child.

  3. Marie says:

    Im glad I waited to both get married and have children. I got to get drunk, party, date, work, live alone, travel. … I have no regrets. My husband and I get the luxury of regreting or wanting for nothing. I choose not to work now and its not a financial strain… I just dont feel like leaving my baby. It is a luxury and I know it.

  4. Dani says:

    My husband & I agreed one & done from the start. We are both happy with our choice.

  5. Susan says:

    One and Done! That is what we both wanted anyway!

  6. Denise says:

    This is my first baby I think I only want one… What do you think ?

  7. Christina says:

    I have always wanted two kids (one of each gender) since I was little. I loved having a little brother and he claims to have loved having a sister, so it just made sense. Now that I am 30 and married to a single child it is still easy for me to want two but I think just having one is a little overwhelming to him and we are only 22 weeks pregnant! I still want one of each but as time passed and it seemed like we would never get pregnant, I stopped caring. I would like to say that we will have a second child after our first is born but I just don’t know how things will go for my husband. Fingers crossed.

  8. mommy nhoj says:

    My ideal age to have family was 25. I got married at 30 and gave birth the following year. I still wish I had it earlier so I can have at least 2 kids now or my first born should have been a cutie toddler now. My daughter will be 1 next month. I can say that delaying marriage has helped both of us prepared – physically, emotionally and yes, financially. I can say that we are a stable even if it turned to be one income family. We have do have our long term goals – thinking beyond today. I still tease my husband for not marrying me earlier but I completely understand him 🙂 I hope we are not done with one! Fingers crossed!

  9. Nicole says:

    I had my first when I was 16 years old. I was ready to drop out of high school, before I found out I was pregnant. When I found out i was having a baby, I decided I couldn’t drop out. It took me a couple of extra years, but I did graduate. I am 32 now and pregnant with my 4th. After 3 girls, I am happy to be having a son. His Daddy, who also has a daughter from a previous relationship, is pretty excited as well. Being the only male in a house of 5 females must be quite difficult.

  10. I am 23 and never thought I was going to have kids till I was 30. I have such high career goals and wanted to finish building them before I had a baby. Well…plans changed!! I am still going to complete my goals but it might take a little longer.

  11. Bianca says:

    Im only 20 and im having my first child and im already saying thats it ill be 21 by the time i have him or her but i never saw myself giving birth to my own child for some reason. i always wanted to adopt which i still will one day hopefully but this one was a shock so crazy enough i might be done giving birth after one. i know i know after i see them or get to know them ill probably change my mind you say…doubt it. i love kids i just didnt see this as the path for me in getting them.

  12. I planned to start having children in my 30s, but life had other plans. I was 6days shy of turning 22 before becoming a mom. My husband was estatic, since he is 8years older than I am, but it turned out better than I expected.

  13. Whitney says:

    My mother was 31 when she had my older brother and 37 when she had me and my twin sister. I always enjoyed having an older mother than all of my friends because she was so much more fun and laidback than their mothers. I am 29 weeks with my first at 30 years old and I am glad I got to enjoy my 20s and my husband before becoming a parent.

  14. I am in my 20s and have 6 children.I have well behaved good mannered children. I am energetic upbeat and able to relate to my children. As much as I love my family and friends who are much older than I, I don’t have the same issues that they do. They complain a lot about their children (how they don’t get enough me time and they complain about their bodies more than moms that I know closer to my age). They have much less energy (keeping up with their kids).
    I’m very glad that I started young (very for the standards of some) when I’m 43 they’ll all have graduated high school and I will still be young enough to begin a career (I have a college degree but I believe being home with our children is more important) vacation, and enjoy being a college student parent and even a grandparent.

  15. Angela says:

    The only drawback I can see to waiting to have children is the length of time you actually get to have with them. Or rather, the amount of time they get to have with you. My parents had me when they were 19 and 22. My best friend’s parents waited until they were in their late thirties/early forties before having children. I’m now 24 and both my parents are still alive. Last year, my friend lost her father to a heart attack. She just turned 22.

  16. meredith says:

    I always thought I would have started having children earlier, but I waited until 32 and would like to have 2 more, but we’ll see. I can’t imagine having children any other time in my life now though.

  17. I think the age doesn’t matter, but you have to consider the risks for mother and child when you decide to conceive after 35… although medicine in this years has a lot more to help old moms during their pregnancy. I had my first at age 21 and I had no experience, although I already had like 6 nephews and nieces is never the same than having your own… for me having my kids at a young age has been great, I have enjoyed every single minute with them…

  18. I think it doesn’t matter what age you are when you have a child, just as long as you are ready. My husband and I were married at a young age, I was just 18 and now we are having our first boy or girl 2 years later. =)

  19. Jasmine says:

    Having a baby when YOU feel mature and ready is the best time 🙂

  20. Jessica says:

    I had my daughter one month before my 21st birthday I really wish I did not have her at a young age. I was unprepared, did not know how to tell my family or even have my career started. The father has not grown up one bit he is 23 and does not show any incentive that he wants to help. He was not there during the pregnancy nor when i had symptoms of a miscarriage. If it wasn’t for my family I don’t know what i would do. Although now my daughter is only 16 weeks and i am almost done with my schooling and will start my career this summer. I have done everything my instinct. and have learned from my daughter how she wants to be calmed down and what she likes. I would love to have more children but I want to find a man who will accept my daughter as his own and treat us both well. I do not want another abusive relationship. I want someone who will always be there for me and my daughter. I am more prepared now and we have finally settled into our lives.

  21. Leeana says:

    I had my first child at 21 and I think had we waited it would have been more beneficial for everyone. At an older age, I would have been more prepared and patient with parenthood. At 21, I was young and not sure about how to parent. I have learned many things over the past years and we are on baby number two. I do feel that i am more prepared for anything and have also learned alot regarding parenting these past years.

  22. Tara says:

    I had my first baby, little girl, on Mother’s Day of this year. I am 21 years old and I had to have an emergency c section. Having the c section has made the decision of having other children a little scarier but I definetly do not want to have just one baby. I think that having at least one more will be wonderful and I already love being a mommy!

  23. mary says:

    I had my first son when I was 36 the second at 42. I’m glad I didn’t have them sooner. I think everybody is different and you have children when you are ready. It has nothing to do with finances, because I am a struggling single mom, with wonderful friends and family. My children are loved and thats what counts.

  24. I am 20 years old and have a beautiful little two year old boy. Having a child at such a young age has been a difficult journey but I have always been happy that I had him at a young age. I agree with you about the stress and patience levels that comes with being a younger mommy, but I love that he pushes me and keeps me going.

  25. Patricia says:

    I am 25, almost 26 and i have three wonderful children. two boys and a girl; ages 3,16 months and 6 months. My last two are 10 months apart, of course not everyone thought it was going to be easy. I do wish I would have waited so my children would have everything. I’m going to school for early childhood education to start my career that i wanted to 4 years ago. If i would been more careful my children would have more than they do. but i do have alot of patience with my children, and it helps they are so good. i think when you are ready to have children its a good time. i wouldnt change my life for anything just wish i had more to give.

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