It’s OK To Complain About Pregnancy
When reality star Luissa Zissman, 30, (she's on the British version of The Apprentice, which I had no idea was still running) recently had the audacity to complain about pregnancy in an Instagram post, her followers ripped her apart for it.
“Feeling sick in bed,” the soon-to-be mother of three captioned her post. “Hate growing babies literally don’t enjoy anything about pregnancy 😩🙈 It goes on FOREVER too, I mean feels like I’ve got ages 😩😩😩 shouldn’t moan I know but it’s no fun, thank god I adore giving birth. 😂 #pregnant #miserable #sicky.”
Zissman is a busy working mom of two daughters already, who are only 5 years old and 11 months old, so I can definitely sympathize with her so much. Anyone with kids that young is going to have a hard time just dealing with them, but then throw being pregnant on top it? I can already feel the morning sickness creeping up.
However, not everyone agreed that the star should be complaining so publicly about being pregnant. Some women commented that she should “just be grateful” and be more sensitive to the needs and feelings of women who may be struggling with infertility.
“Be thankful you are blessed to conceive, carry and birth babies. Some women would give anything to be in your shoes,” commented on follower. Another woman shared her story of losing two pregnancies and how she found Zissman's post to be incredibly selfish.
Zissman actually acknowledged the commenters and noted that she is fully aware that some women would do anything to have a baby–but she also pointed out that that knowledge doesn't exactly make pregnancy any less physical and emotionally trying on her presently. “I’m very aware of that, however doesn’t make pregnancy any better, it’s still s – – t,” the star replied back in her Instagram comments.
Insert uncomfortable cringe face here, because yeah, this is a loaded topic.
On one hand, I completely understand where the women are coming from. I have always been someone who has never found pregnancy to be an especially easy or joyful time in my life; pregnancy, for me, is very difficult physically and there were times I honestly felt like every breath, step, and movement was going to do me in. I complained about almost every single aspect of being pregnant.
And then I went through a miscarriage.
I will say going through that really did change my perspective completely. It is so, so hard when you are in that state of loss and grief to see anyone say anything negative about pregnancy, even if they are joking or casual and especially if they are joking and casual–because nothing feels funny or casual to you anymore. To be so callous as to joke about something that has caused you so much pain feels like a direct knife to your heart.
I completely, totally get that.
But on the other hand, pregnancy can be incredibly difficult for some women and it's important that we don't make women feel like they aren't allowed to speak the truth about the incredible sacrifice and hardships that they are going through. I think when we present pregnancy as just this magical, glowing, wonderful time in life and then a woman has the complete opposite experience–throwing up constantly, going through difficult hormonal changes, battling swollen legs and nerve pain and sometimes life-threatening complications–it can make her think that she's alone or that there's something wrong with her for not loving every aspect of pregnancy. A woman might feel defeated or even have some negative feelings that she's already doing motherhood “wrong” because she doesn't love pregnancy and that's just not true.
The truth is, it can be incredibly, incredibly painful for women who have suffered through infertility and/or a loss to hear another woman complain about pregnancy. But pregnancy can also be incredibly, incredibly difficult for some women and talking about the experience is a way for them to get help and support too.
We all have different experiences and hopefully, we can mindful of each other's feelings while speaking our own truths. That might mean being selective about who we discuss our pregnancies with or reaching out to someone we know won't be hurt by our words, if possible.
What do you think? Did you ever complain about being pregnant?