It’s Not Just Mom That’s Pregnant – It’s Dad, Too. We’re Both Pregnant!

When my wife and I discovered our first child was on the way, we were overjoyed. The thrill of becoming a father and growing our married love was becoming reality. It left me pumped, euphoric, and over-the-moon about the huge change we were about to experience.

But I also felt left out.

You see, when a couple becomes pregnant (more on that expression in a moment), it’s the woman who gains instant adulation by way of carrying the child. The wife goes shopping for new maternity clothes, often with sisters or girlfriends. She’ll likely be guest of honor at a baby shower with lots of guests, food, and presents. She’s starting to change physically and is receiving extra consideration at doctor visits. She’ll get to request special foods not normally part of one’s daily diet (which is a nice way of saying that she has a license to eat whatever she wants).

It is a wonderful, exciting time, and any husband is happy to see the added care and consideration his wife gets. The husband’s life will change too, but the lack of attention can easily make a dad feel shut out. 

{ MORE: Dads Look Different Now. This Book, DADLY Dads, Offers Proof }

Of course, there’s plenty the wife can to do make a dad feel like a part of the team. Do things together. Register together, attend appointments, plan the room, and feel the baby’s kick. All of this should go without saying. But the best idea is often overlooked. 

So, what is that one, easy, surefire, free way to make dad feel appreciated and involved? 

Let everyone know you’re both pregnant. That's right. Both pregnant.

Image via Flickr/ Krista Guenin

Sure, we all know that, technically, the child is growing inside the female. But we also know that none of this is physically possible without a male – and that child is his, too. 

So get used to saying it: couples become pregnant.

By telling the world, “We’re pregnant!” and “Our baby is on the way!” it’s a telltale endorsement to friends and family that the baby is yours together. That the dad-to-be is every bit an equivalent parent as the mom-to-be. There’s no better way to make dad feel like a valued, equal part of the team. And yes, dad’s heart melts, too – he loves hearing togetherness words. 

When women inevitably exclaim, “I’m pregnant!” it’s not that they intentionally mean to exclude the husbands, or invoke any fatherly emotional detachment from the baby. It’s likely they just didn’t realize their word choice, or forgot, or omitted, or assumed, or overlooked.

Yet, that’s what happens to dads all the time.

So, make a pledge to use the proper pronoun during your pregnancy and beyond. Let everyone know that you're both expecting, both pregnant. Your relationship – as well as a genuine, committed, unified parenting approach – will be the better for it. 

{ MORE: Do You Have the ‘World’s Greatest Dad’? So Do I. }

What do you think?

It’s Not Just Mom That’s Pregnant – It’s Dad, Too. We’re Both Pregnant!

Tom Konecny is a dad of four children and husband to wife, Erika. Tom currently serves as a private consultant in writing, communications and marketing. In 2013, Tom founded Dad Marketing, a site dedicated to exploring the world of marketing to dads. He previously worked in sports marketing, served as an associate editor and writer for several publications, and directed an award-winning corporate marketing department. His first book, "DADLY Dollar$" will be published this summer, and he is c ... More

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4 comments

  1. Agree completely with the ladies below. ‘We are expecting’ is completely accurate. ‘We are pregnant’ is borderline ridiculous. The emphasis on what a pregnant wife ‘gets to eat’ and ‘gets to shop for’ rather than what she cannot eat, has to eat, needs to shop for due to the physical changes that are NOT shared with the father – is pretty dismissive of what a woman experiences while pregnant that is inherently not inclusive of a father’s experience. Maybe these ‘special considerations’ the author points out that pregnant women receive is given for a reason – reasons that simply do not apply to expectant fathers because they do not have the same physical limitations or strains. Being on my 2nd pregnancy, I realize that there are A LOT of added burdens on the father during this time as well, and am happy to give men who take on these burdens their due credit – it is what comes with expecting a child, but quite frankly, it still doesn’t make them pregnant.

  2. Profile photo of Jessica Jessica says:

    I agree with Megan–we need to be clear on the language we use. “We’re expecting” or “we’re having a baby” is perfectly fine, and that’s what I try to use when I’m talking about our growing family. I will not, however, utter “we’re pregnant” because, as both Megan and heaney pointed out, my husband is not in fact pregnant. I take issue with the portrait you paint of pregnancy: the beautiful, magical miracle. If that was your wife’s experience each time, she is a very lucky lady and I’m jealous you two got to experience that. My reality has been nausea, discomfort, and frustration (that I HAVE to go shopping b/c nothing fits anymore, that I CAN’T eat what I want b/c some foods are not safe for pregnancy, and that everyone has an opinion on what I should and shouldn’t be doing while pregnant), all tempered by the unconditional love and excitement I have for welcoming my child into this world. I understand the sentiment your blog is trying to convey–and wholeheartedly agree with it–but, for women who did not have magical pregnancies, “we’re pregnant” can be a somewhat offensive misappropriation.

  3. Profile photo of heaney heaney says:

    I disagree with the idea that “We are pregnant” As Megan says, pregnancy is a medical condition. “We” did not have a C-section, “We” did not have the severe back ache that lasted the last 3 months of the pregnancy and “We” were not in labor for 36 hours. Until men can claim to have experienced that aspect of the pregnancy then “I” am the only one pregnant. “He” is going to be a father. “He” is expecting a child.

  4. Profile photo of Megan Megan says:

    I think this is a great sentiment and my hubby and I have been a team from the moment I showed him the positive pregnancy test result, but I am also a bit of a language stickler. For anyone else out there like me who wants to be inclusive of dad at all times, but also gets hung up on the “we’re pregnant” because, no, dad is not pregnant, pregnancy is an actual medical, physical thing only happening to mom… I recommend saying “we’re expecting!” I think it is as inclusive of dad, but also technically correct 🙂

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