No, I Hate Kids

No, I Hate Kids Picture

It happens more often with each passing year. I meet someone who asks me how long I have been married.  “Seven years,” I answer, a wee bit proudly.  And, typically, the inquirer responds in either of two ways: “Oh, well, you still have a long way to go. Wait until you’ve been married X number of years.” or “How nice. Do you have children?” While the former eventually segues into another topic, the latter begins the uncomfortable descent into one of the most personal aspects of a person’s life—their fertility.

Or, in my case, the lack thereof.

“No,” I say.

“Oh, do you plan on having any?” the stranger asks.

No, I hate kids, I think. But, instead, I respond, “We’ve been trying.”

“Oh. Oh, well it will happen.”

In four years, it hasn’t yet. But I’m sure you’re right, uh, what was your name again?

Clearly this person who I have just met knows much more about my fertility than I do. Oh, sure, she means well. She even attempts optimism by recanting the story about her aunt’s friend’s mother’s pregnancy following years of infertility.

What she doesn’t know is my story—my history of infertility. In four years I have endured numerous transvaginal ultrasounds, a plethora of blood tests, many shots, four intrauterine inseminations (IUIs), and one devastating ectopic pregnancy. The diagnosis—unexplained infertility. Even the doctors do not know why I have not conceived more than once.

I blame the media to some extent and my high school health teacher. Did you know the average healthy woman in the prime of her fertility only has about a 25 percent chance of conceiving each menstrual cycle? This was news to me. When is an average woman most fertile, you ask? In her early- to mid-20s.

I’m 34. I thought I heard ticking…

So, I have reached a point in my fertility when in vitro fertilization (IVF) is now my only option. My first is scheduled for January 2013.

Hello, my name is Tammy and I am an infertile. Welcome to my journey to parenthood; watch for needles.

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No, I Hate Kids

Tammy Miesner recently joined the blogging community, combining her passion for writing and experience with infertility on her personal blog Womb Wasteland. She enjoys spending time with her active duty hubby and fur babies (two cats and a dog). Her interests include photography, reading, and genealogy. ... More

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13 comments

  1. Thank you. Doctors don’t know everything, right?

  2. Leah, thank you so much for your support. It is difficult to watch so many other people get pregnant with such ease while we have been trying for so long. I am happy your experience turned for the better. Unfortunately, I no longer can conceive without reproductive assistance. We have our fingers crossed that our IVF in January will be a success. Take care and all the support and love we can get is greatly appreciated.

  3. Leah says:

    Good luck! I can’t even imagine how hard that must be.
    I remember having a talk with my friend about how hard it is watching everyone having kids and getting pregnant. At that point my fiance and i had been trying for months to get pregnant with no avail. And I had all but given up. About a month or two after that conversation I found out I was pregnant and I wanted to eat my words of understanding her pain, because now I didn’t. I hope u have as much luck as I did where maybe with this writing, you’ll get the same reward. If nothing else be sure u’ll have plenty of support and love no matter what happens.

  4. MomAgain says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story, I cannot imagine being in your position. I hope all goes well for you in the coming months.

  5. Ella says:

    Keep your hopes up. I was told continuously from age 16 on that I was infertile. I am now 35 and have a beautiful 8 month old baby girl. When the time is right it will happen 🙂

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  7. It’s mind boggling. I couldn’t believe it myself. And as you age, this average percentage only goes down.

  8. Thank you for your support. It is difficult and it seems like there are so many of us who are just unable to get pregnant for unknown reasons.

  9. Alison Lee says:

    I’m sorry, this must be SO hard. Wishing you the best of luck in January.

  10. brittney says:

    Wow i had no idea there was only a 25% chance of getting pregnant each cycle!

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