You Named Your Child What!? Call the Name Police!

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Dispatcher: OK, ma'am. I'm going to need you to stay calm. What is your emergency?

Inbound Caller: Two babies! It happened to two babies! They're going to have lifelong problems because of this! (Sobbing)

Dispatcher: Ok, ma'am, I'm going to need you to breathe. We'll do our very best to help. I'm sending a team to help you out, but I'm going to need some information from you. What are the names of the babies?

Inbound Caller: Their names—their names are Hashtag and Cheese. (Sobbing)

Dispatcher: E—Excuse me? Their names are Hashtag and Cheese? Ma'am, if this is a joke, you could be getting yourself into some serious trouble.

Inbound Caller: It's no joke! These babies have been named Hashtag and Cheese, and someone needs to get here quick!

Dispatcher: Wait. So the emergency is that Hashtag and Cheese's parents named them, well, Hashtag and Cheese?

Inbound Caller: That's correct.

Dispatcher: Ma'am, naming your child something out of the ordinary isn't against any law that I am aware of.

Or is it?

Well, if you live in the state of Sonora in Mexico, there is a list of  61 names that are outlawed, so you could encounter some unwanted issues with the feds if you decided to name your beautiful baby boy Scrotum, or your precious little girl Cesarean.

So, maybe my fictitious example of a police call (yes, it was fictitious) was a little far-fetched, but think about it. What you name your kid could have some lifelong issues. I can still think of a kid in junior high whose name was Thor. Unfortunately for the little guy, he did nothing to personify Thor, and, man, those ruthless junior high kids let him know it. Even naming your child Richard might bring some danger to his school years.

MORE: Parents Name Their Newborn Daughter ‘Hashtag’ }

Claire McCarthy, M.D. wrote a piece for the Huffington Post that talked about the possibility of having a name police. I mean, the government has taken it upon themselves to ban certain things from being put on a vehicle's license plate, so if they have a say in what you name your car, why shouldn't they have the right to have a say in what your kid is named? The government is in charge birth certificates, so why not have the government weasel in and say whether or not you can name your child Huckleberry Dumbledore Gandalf Whatcott?

Government knows best when it comes to the details of your personal life, right?

MORE: Common Questions about Baby Names }

Putting that forced logic aside, no, I do not think that the government or anybody, for that matter, should have the right to waltz into the delivery room and say yay or nay to what you want to name your child. But I do think, however, that you have got to think about what your child is going to have to deal with for the rest of his or her life, or up until the point when he or she can get a job and pay to get their name changed. 

We're all adults, here. Let's be responsible ones!

What do you think? Should there be some sort of committee that has a say on what you can and can't name your child? Let me know! I'm sure you've got an opinion about this.

What do you think?

You Named Your Child What!? Call the Name Police!

Jace Whatcott is a self-diagnosed introvert who loves crossword puzzles, golf, and reading. Despite being a male contributor—one of the few on this particular website—he is not in unfamiliar territory. Because he is an English major, 90% of his classmates are females, so he’s not too worried about being a fish out of water. One of his favorite things to do is to raid local thrift stores for used books. He’s always looking for something to read, or for something to put on his endless to-r ... More

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9 comments

  1. Profile photo of allison allison says:

    My children’s names are. NIKKO ALEXANDER HOWARD-THOMPSON ALMOST 15(bad idea ON THE TWO LAST NAMES), Next SETH CHRISTOPHER HOWARD 10, n DECEMBER AURORA WATKINS(no she was born March 17th, 2012 for those it’s St. PATRICKS DAY exactly 7 wks early). ANYWHO WHY WOULD YOU EVER WANT TO SCAR YOUR CHILD FOR LIFE. I KNEW A GIRL WHO NAMED HER DAUGHTER FELONY. WHY THATS LIKE SETTING HER UP FOR FAILURE RIGHTLY FROM THE GET GO. BUT IN ACTUALITY NAME YOUR CHILD WHATEVER YOU WANT JUST REMEMBER WHO HAS TO LIVE WITH IT.

  2. Profile photo of Paige Paige says:

    I took a lot of thought into my baby’s name. I had picked a name I thought was my favorite and unique but then thought twice about it. Unique is nice but I’ll save it for the pets.

  3. Profile photo of LIZ says:

    some people dont think name is for life i dont want my poor kid be embarrassed all the time

  4. Profile photo of KAYLA KAYLA says:

    I think people should choose names carefully so your child won’t get bullied! Pick a outstanding name! Especially when teenagers who are getting bullied decides to actually do suicide! Parents need to not pick stupid names! Be responsible!!! Do you really want to see your child come home everyday with tears in their eyes saying they have no friends just cause of their name????? Cheese, hash tag!!! Kids are mean and teenagers even worse!

  5. Profile photo of Ros Ros says:

    people make the most crazy name ever

  6. Profile photo of Alanna Alanna says:

    Wow.. Burger King or Terminator. That’s hilarious.

  7. Profile photo of Peyton PryceAuthor Peyton Pryce says:

    I remember when someone named their daughter Hashtag. To me it seems that they wanted to be the “first”. Get their 15 minutes of fame. Sadly, those 15 minutes of fame last a lifetime for that poor child. Hopefully she has a great middle name to go by!

  8. Profile photo of mommy nhoj mommy nhoj says:

    That would be a big step for the government I guess. But yes, adults should be responsibile enough to give names as such! The list of banned names for Sonara is hilarious! Why would parents play over their baby’s name!?

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