When Mother’s Day Sucks
To some mothers, Mother's Day is a time of celebration. A time of breakfast in bed (which, in my humble opinion is really one of those things that sounds better in theory than in reality). A time to maybe grab some much-needed R & R. And a time to let your partner take over the dishes.
But for others, Mother's Day is anything but sweet and celebratory. Mother's Day, to some, is a painful reminder of what they don't have — or what they have lost. Sometimes, Mother's Day sucks.
Briana Klink Macon, who runs the Instagram account @littlewhale3, recently posted how difficult this entire month is for her, as it's the same month that she lost her daughter, Aubri, when she was only six months old. And it's the month that insists on reminding her of what she has lost through the “holiday” of Mother's Day. Today, Macon is the mother of three more children. But as anyone who has lost a child knows, there is no such thing as replacing that lost family members. Her words sum up the grief and loss that so many women feel so close to Mother's Day.
“Five years today,” Macon wrote on the anniversary of her daughter's death. “Five years since I touched your softest skin and held your small hands in mine. It feels like a lifetime ago and just yesterday. I think of you every second of my every day. But on days like today, I allow myself to revisit this time period. I look through pictures. Allow myself to cry and mourn. To slowly comprehend. Not for long because my mind just won't allow it. I remember being in the hospital and thinking, ‘if I can just get out of here and take you home, everything will be fine' I didn't care in what shape or form, I just wanted you for my forever. To hold you and take care of you and love you and smell your scent. I know it was selfish of me, but I needed you. Saying goodbye to your child just isn't an option.”
“I remember leaving and hearing cries not realizing they were my own,” she continued. “How can you possibly bottle up every ounce of a person and hope those memories will last you a lifetime without them? I already can't remember so much and I feel the pain deep in my bones. They say everything happens for a reason but I have yet to find a reason good enough to justify why my baby girl is no longer in my arms. She's just not here. It's so definite and hard to grasp, even five years later. But she's given us three beautiful babies in her memory. Three children that wouldn't exist. They know her and love her and talk about her. They each have a part of her. Her light will last far beyond my years. Grief is forever and it takes on many forms. ‘A time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.' I'm thankful for the tears and I'm thankful for the dances in life. I'm thankful for the gifts she's given us and I'm thankful for the time, though it will never be long enough. Until we meet again my sweet girl. Send us your sunshine. Mommy and Daddy love and ache for you always.”
As Mother's Day approaches, let us all remember mothers like Macon, who have loved and lost, mothers who have lost their own mothers, mothers who are aching to be mothers not just in hearts alone, and mothers who are suffering from illnesses both visible and invisible.
Because sometimes, Mother's Day sucks. And it's fine to admit that, too.