Life with Kids – Spicing Up Your Sex Life

do not disturb door
Image via iStock

Recently on the Momspirational Facebook page – I posed a question to my fans (for research of course). I asked them how many times per month they have sex.  In the dozens of answers, one thing became most apparent, with so many women posting “not enough” as their answer.  

And that one thing is that having children definitely hinders the sex life among couples.  

Some of the moms said that they were lucky to have sex with their partner once or twice a month.  One mom admitted that she hadn't had sex with her husband in 5 months.  And perhaps the most interesting response was from a mother who felt that children SHOULDN’T hinder sex life. She believed that children should realize early in life that the parental relationship has boundaries, and that kids benefit from seeing their parents being loving toward one another.  She went on to say that parents shouldn't be worried about locking the doors, and hanging the up the “do not disturb” sign, even if the kids are at an age (such as teens) where they have a slight idea what is going on behind closed doors.   

Obviously, besides the contributing battle between having sex or getting a few hours of uninterrupted sleep, many women become shy or embarrassed – even worried – that they will be “caught in the act” by their children.  And obviously, tons of us have been caught in the act so to speak.  But if you think about it, you will realize that our children aren't immediately warped or damaged in any way.  After all, sex is natural.  Of course, it's much easier to distract a 2 or 3 year old and minimize the discomfort than it is to explain to a 15 year old.  But by the time your kids are 15 they will think any sort of affection between mom and dad is gross, and will likely be more embarrassed about it that you are.  

{ MORE: Pink Admits To Dry Spells In Her Sex Life and New Moms Everywhere Breathe a Sigh of Relief }

In the infamous words of Nike, parents need to “Just do it!”  

Seriously.  Even if you are simply exhausted, or aren't in the mood – you might be surprised how just having a quickie (in the laundry room if you have to) will reenergize you.  And, it will keep your relationship alive.  The longer you go without sex, the harder it is to hump, eh…I mean JUMP back on the sex bandwagon.  The reality is that we don't have to have the romanticized motion picture depicted sex life in order to have a healthy one.  We don't have to rip our lives from one of the pages of 50 Shades of Grey to be aroused, excited, and passionate about our partners.  

And about all that ‘being embarrassed' that your kids will hear the bed squeaking, or ‘know' what you are doing.  Remember that at some point in their life – they are going to KNOW how they were brought into this world.  This isn't to suggest that sooner is better than later – but means your virginal status will not be withheld in your children's eyes forever.  

So go for it. Wear lingerie.  Send a sexy text to your spouse.  Lock your bedroom door.  Get 10 or 15 minutes less sleep to have sex with your spouse by either waking up early, or staying up a few minutes later. Have sex wearing most of your clothes if you have to so that if you are caught your children won't be scarred for life by the sight of your bare butt. (Which may actually teach them the important lesson of NOT barging into your bedroom when the door is closed?) 

{ MORE: Jenna Dewan Thinks Becoming a Mom Made Her Sexier }


What are your tricks for keeping your sex life alive?  Have you been caught in the act?  And most importantly, do you believe that children who see a loving relationship between their parents are better off in the long run?  


What do you think?

Life with Kids – Spicing Up Your Sex Life

Stef Daniel is the 40ish year old, experienced (meaning crazy already) mother of count ‘em…4 daughters (yes, she takes prayers) who have taught her nearly E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G she needs to know about raising kids and staying sane. She hails from a small town in Georgia where she lives with her family in a red tin roofed house (with just ONE bathroom mind you) on a farm - with tons of animals of course. One day, due to her sheer aversion to shoes and her immense lov ... More

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  1. Deena says:

    it may just be me but sometimes when my husband asks it turns me off and when I’m in the mood he tells me maybe next time he’s too sleepy. I’m trying to be in the mood more but I didn’t know that if you don’t have sex you won’t want to supper helpful thanks oh and Danielle I’m gonna have to do what you do that genius

  2. Danielle says:

    It’s about to sound super un-sexy, but I schedule sex. Not with my husband. He thinks it is all spontaneous, like I want him to. I just don’t want to half the time. But get some kisses and heat and I’m right there into it! I know the less I have sex, the less I want to. So, I keep an eye on when and plan a little something something.

    • sayhola says:

      Great idea! Might have to try that…. Especially since my hubby has a crazy schedule – works 4 nights, 3 days, 3 nights, 4 days (with time off between each set) and then 7 off before it repeats. Yikes!

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