No, Kids, Mama Doesn’t Want to Make a Leprechaun Trap
Right now, at this very moment, as we speak (or for some of us, type), my children are busily engrossed in their rooms on a mission to craft the perfect leprechaun trap.
To be perfectly honest with you, I only learned what a leprechaun trap was about two years ago when my children first came home from school and inquired as to why I had never built with one with them. And to that, my response was something along the lines of … the what now??
Because really, don't I do enough for my children? Isn't it enough that I am responsible for the magic of Christmas and the fun of Halloween and Thanksgiving crafts and room parties and stocking toilet paper and planning meals and driving 24/7 and Valentine's Day and let's not forget Easter and, oh hey, birthday parties for all!
I mean, seriously. When I was younger, St. Patrick's Day was a “big” occasion at my school only because I attended a private Catholic school where 98% of the teaching staff were Irish and celebrated with much fanfare. But even then, the extent of it was some cheesy plastic four-leaf clover hats and some green beads and (maybe) no homework for the day. That was it.
Nowadays, however, at my children's school, St. Patrick's Day has turned into a major, all-out celebration. Each class makes their own leprechaun “trap,” which they then use to try to trap a leprechaun, who wreaks havoc in their classrooms, leaves tiny footprints all over the hallways and floors and walls, and of course, eventually leaves them candy. Because that is just what I want from a school environment for my kids–candy.
Of course, my children, the traitors that they are, love every part of the celebrations. The result, as a rather natural thought pattern, is that they have begun to question why on earth we have never hand-crafted a leprechaun trap of our own at home. When they first asked me, I am pretty sure I had no idea what they were talking about, nor did my husband.
(My husband, of course, gets the luxury of being the parent who gets to scoff at all of these holiday pressures without ever actually having to do them, as moms are expected to. Because moms feel every ounce of annoyance with the pressure to create holiday “magic” for all that small holidays now, but we are still somehow expected to give in to the chaos, because that's what moms do, right? “They are only little once!” and all that crap that somehow dads are exempt from if there is a male-female partnership present. UGH).
Once I learned what a leprechaun trap was, thanks to my kids explaining to me, I 100% refused to partake in any of that kind of shenanigans with them. I encouraged them to craft their little hearts out, I gave them permission to use the craft supplies, and I pointed the way to my stash of Amazon Prime boxes in the garage so they could make their trap as big as they wanted to. And actually, the final results were quite impressive.
Strangely enough, my kids did not catch a leprechaun that year, or the next, but they did enjoy a nice crafting session and some serious teamwork to agree on a rather ingenious trap design. So, hey, maybe the holiday isn't a total waste after all. But just in case your own children come to you begging you to make a leprechaun trap for them, may I suggest that you recite this ancient Irish proverb to them:
A St. Patrick's Day Poem for Kids
To all the children looking for a leprechaun,
May I just warn you that chances are, he's gone.
Perhaps he's gone somewhere far from here,
Probably because he heard your Mom was near.
Because you see, kids, your mom is very busy,
And the pace she moves probably made that creepy leprechaun dizzy.
She was probably doing laundry or making dinner
And that leapin' elf ran faster than a sinner
In church and honestly, that's what I would recommend you do,
If you even think about asking her to make a leprechaun trap with you.
And just so we're clear, despite my big talk and efforts here, there is a 99.99% likelihood that my children will, indeed, wake up to Lucky Charms cereal and a leprechaun hunt on March 17, 2019.
Because I am weak. Sigh. Somebody help me, please.