Why Keeping Your Baby’s Gender a Surprise Can Be Fun

As I approach the halfway point in my pregnancy (finally!), there is only one question on my mind:

To find out or not to find out?

I've already scheduled the official ultrasound to happen in two weeks. And while I am mostly anxious simply to find out that all the correct pieces are in place, especially because this is my fourth baby, I have to admit that in the back of my mind I'm also very anxious to make the decision of whether to find out the baby's gender. 

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gender reveal cake
Image via Sweet Kiera

Here's the thing: My husband and I have three children already, two girls and one son, so much of the suspense of “completing” our family has been taken out of the equation. (Also, please note my sarcasm with that one, as I do think it's pretty ridiculous that we have this notion that a perfect family needs to consist of 2.2 children, boy and girl …)

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So in many ways, I'm very torn over the decision of whether or not we should find out this baby's gender.

On one hand, every fiber of my nesting mama side wants to find out and start getting clothes ready and have a name picked out and organize our house from top to bottom for what may well be our last baby, and therefore my last chance at buying ridiculously cute newborn outfits. 

But on the other hand, can we admit that keeping your baby's gender a surprise can be just plain fun?

We actually didn't find out the gender ahead of the birth for my first two pregnancies. With my first, we were shocked when the boy that everyone thought we were having turned out to be our beautiful baby girl. And with our second, my maternal instinct was confirmed when I held the second daughter that I knew I was carrying all along. (I was so sure, in fact, that we didn't even pick out a boy's name!)

With our third, however, we decided we wanted to know. We had literally zero baby boy items to our name, and we suspected it was a boy—the confirmation just helped us to prepare a little bit more. Plus, it was a lot of fun for our girls to bond with their baby brother ahead of time. 

But part of me missed the suspense and excitement of not finding out. Part of me craves that rush of giving birth and the joy of hearing the doctor announce what the baby is for the very first time. 

Part of me wants the fun of keeping the little one inside of me to be his or her own little secret, savoring the anticipation and letting the baby's presence be known of his/her own accord. 

Call me crazy, but I think that finding out the baby's gender is convenient.

But keeping it a surprise is just more fun.

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What do you think? Is it more fun to keep the baby's gender a surprise, or is it more fun to find out?  

What do you think?

Why Keeping Your Baby’s Gender a Surprise Can Be Fun

Chaunie Brusie is a writer, mom of four, and founder of The Stay Strong Mom, a community + gift box service for moms after loss. ... More

Tell us what you think!

13 comments

  1. Reo says:

    My husband and I decided we only wanted one child between us, he already had a teenage daughter from a previous relationship. We also decided that if we were to have more kids we wanted to either adopt and/or foster. So knowing we were only going to have one we wanted it to be a surprise. Both our families were a little miffed at us but we stuck by our decision and let them guess. When the time finally came I got to announce first that we’d had a beautiful little girl. It was so worth it for the surprise, even if it was a bit difficult to wait I wouldn’t change it.

  2. Lauren says:

    As soon as people know the gender the baby registry goes out the window! I’ve worked in children’s retain for 6 years & it’s especially true with little girls- I tell most people that the registry is what the mama really needs, there’s only so many tutus a baby girl will need but the mama will need a diaper bag, bath tubs and other ‘boring’ practical items. My husband and I found out but only told immediate family

  3. amy says:

    I have 3 girls. I didnt find out with the first 2, and didnt want find out with my 3rd. However my fiance did want to find out. So he did and managed to keep it a secret for a month. So when i found out i was having my 3rd girl. I wasnt surprised but i wasnt upset. He told all of his family and friends. I didnt tell mine. So at the baby shower his side got me ALL pink and my side got me a variety of colors. Then i let out of a big box a bunch of pink balloons to let my family and friends know. At the delivery i was obviouslyexcited to see hold and hear my new baby girl. Nut i wasnt nearly as excited as i was with the first two, because i wasnt ssurprised. 🙁 ithink not knowing is awesome. Its the one time in your lofe that the surprise is good no matter what!!! <3

  4. Jessica says:

    My husband’s family is now on their 4th generation of nothing but boys and his “girly-girl shopaholic” grandmother is dying for a girl. We found out with our first child, boy of course, which is exactly what I wanted. Now that I’m pregnant again, I wanted to find out because I’m a planner, but my husband wanted it to be a surprise. And now that I already have a child, I see how ridiculous it is to care about gender, when healthy is all that matters. Pus, I will admit, I get a little angry everytime someone asks “well of course you want a healthy baby, but what do you REALLY want?”, or people just automatically assume that we must want a girl since we already have a boy. What I really want is a healthy baby, that’s it, so why does it matter when we find out? We decided to wait and honestly, it’s making everyone else more mad than us. WHich I think is just funny. It’s our baby, so why does everyone else care so much?

    • Cherise says:

      I have the same thing with my husband’s family. My first was a boy and I am 21 weeks with our daughter-the 1st girl in 40 years on his side of the family. Talk about having them all gush! LOL.

  5. allison says:

    this pregnancy was enough of a surprise were finding out in 2 weeks. everyone is driving us insane wanting to know. and i have little to no patients. its driving me insane not knowing.

  6. Sly says:

    Well, I think it can be fun, depends how you present the fact that you are not telling. I have a friend who is expecting right now. She is not telling whether the baby is a boy or girl and it’s kind of weird. It feel’s like a secret that everybody else is excluded from. It’s her decision of course but it feels awkward.

  7. Kristi says:

    I have qan 2 year old. We didn’t find kht with him. I am currently pregnant and won’t find out with this one either. One true surprise in life. Just want a healthy baby

  8. We had 2 girls and 1 boy and did not find out on our fourth. Best decision I have ever made!! I knew with the other 3.. it was such an awesome surprise!! We did have a boy 🙂 I just had a few sleepers for either sex and a coming home from the hospital outfit.. then went shopping after. The shower was nice, people bought things we needed instead of clothes. DON’T FIND OUT!!!

  9. NIKKI says:

    This is my 3rd pregnancy and will be my 3rd surprise!!! A baby needs more than clothes. I guess i like to challenge the baby shower guest to buy my lil one other necessities, not just clothes!!! Also, it can only be a boy or girl…50/50 chance!

  10. Jennifer says:

    We didn’t find out with our first. It was so much fun in the delivery room when my mom yelled out, “It’s a boy!” We had a baby shower with family after he was born and received a lot of clothes then, so he wasn’t wearing just neutral the whole time. This time around, I’m pregnant with twins and feel that I have to know. There are way too many name combinations to come up with (boy/boy, girl/girl, boy/girl) that I will feel better prepared knowing ahead of time.

  11. I had a friend who waited and she ended up with a lot of green and yellow, and about a year of everyone thinking her daughter was a “handsome” baby boy because of the blue everything else. It was also VERY hard to shop for her pre-birth for her baby shower because everything is so gender bias these days. All that being said my husband and I decided not to wait. We did, however, have an awesome gender reveal party to make it fun for everyone to find out together.

  12. mommy nhoj says:

    I knew a friend who did that – gender surprise at birth for her second child. As for me on my next pregnancy, that would not be possible. My husband hate surprises. Hahaha… And yes, i have to admit that knowing the gender is indeed convenient!

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