How Has Having Kids Changed Your Sex Life?

How Has Having Kids Changed Your Sex Life? Picture

I recently completed a research assignment that took me into the depths of marital sex. And quite honestly, it appears that sex within the confines of a marriage is a dismal place to be

According to some of the research I came across, the average married couple only has sex once or twice a month. As time is added on to the marriage – like charms on a bracelet – the frequency changes with as many as half of all married people reporting a lack of sexual intimacy for 6 months or more.  

And for most people, the change in sexual intimacy came once the kiddos arrived.

Women report decreased sex drive often due to hormones and diminished body image. And men are just left sort of scratching their heads – wondering if it is even "okay" to touch their wives – who are tired. In addition to that, many women reported in the survey that they felt like the men in their lives weren’t as interested in "pleasing" their wives as they were during the courting years. 

Regardless – there are lots and lots and lots and LOTS (You get the point) of married couples that aren’t enjoying the level of passionate love making that you see on primetime television and in the movies. Maybe the reason this unrealistic image of married sex is so captivating to an audience is because people just aren’t getting the excitement at home.  

Unfortunately, the lack of sex going on in homes across the world is a "dirty, little secret" couples don’t feel comfortable talking about. So, while the fact that you haven’t made love to your husband in 5 weeks is making you feel bad, or giving you concerns about your relationship, you are left feeling alone, and like you are a failure as a husband, wife, or couple. News flash! You’re NOT! (Funny that the song Endless Love is playing in the background as I write this.) 

I don’t know about you, but I just think that the overall importance and appeal of sex gets sort of tossed to the wayside in lieu of feeding children and getting enough rest to make it through the day. I think that intimacy comes in all shapes and forms – from things as simple as a kiss on the cheek, to holding hands, to a massage, to a gently placed hand, to simply laughing together.  I think that love making is a culmination of opportunities and extensions of us to our partner, which is much more than just one orgasm, or the "act" of sex.  

Truth is that in every relationship – with every couple – sexual intimacy ebbs and flows. And this is simply normal. As long as the two of you feel good as a couple, and aren’t remiss or resentful about sex, it is best to save the uber-high expectations and glamorous sex dreams for the movies. According to decade's worth of research and some pretty extensive surveys, your sex life is likely normal.  

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Has having children CHANGED your sex life? 

What do you think?

How Has Having Kids Changed Your Sex Life?

Stef Daniel is the 40ish year old, experienced (meaning crazy already) mother of count ‘em…4 daughters (yes, she takes prayers) who have taught her nearly E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G she needs to know about raising kids and staying sane. She hails from a small town in Georgia where she lives with her family in a red tin roofed house (with just ONE bathroom mind you) on a farm - with tons of animals of course. One day, due to her sheer aversion to shoes and her immense lov ... More

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8 comments

  1. JaneEvans says:

    i had two children before i got in a relationship and sex and married and another child was the last thing on my mind but i find that im just to tired to have sex with my husband before the 3rd baby everything was great but now its cleaning up after them then and by the time im finished all i want to do is go to sleep jumping and rolling around the bed with my husband is the last thing on my mind i just wish i had a great more of a libido than i have and my poor husband will love it if i did can u give me any advice about how i get it back ive tryed lots of things but they dont work please if u could help that would be great help to me

  2. I find that we are just too tired from baby and chores related to baby

  3. Brandi924 says:

    My husband and I haven’t been able to get enough of one another! We dove back in almost immediately and hit the ground running. Even breastfeeding hasn’t diminished anything. After the nightmarish labor and delivery I had and the torture of the NICU, I count my delightfully insane libido and speedy recovery from every intervention in the book as the universe’s way of compensating me for weathering the storms =)

  4. emily says:

    I’ve breastfeed both my daughters (5 yrs. And 4 months) and they both sleep with us still. Sex is never convenient. I am always worried they are gonna wake up and if we move them to another room at the worst time they both wake up and the oldest is banging on door. Not very sexy ever!!

  5. It has changed it, but not diminished. We have to be together after the kids are down for the night or first thing in the morning before they "know" we are awake, instead of spontaneously, wherever and whenever, before kids. We have to make it a priority as well. The responsibility of life can keep us from enjoying each other. It is important to make sex a priority!

  6. mollyself91 says:

    yea my son is still in our room so we have to wait till he is a sleep most of the time we fall asleep so yea it has changed it quite abit

  7. Becky says:

    I came into this relationship with a child already, and we got pregnant right away (surprise! You’re a mommy again!), but since it’s a new relationship, we’re still going pretty good! 😉

  8. Melanie says:

    It has extremely changed my life. This is my fourth pregnancy and with this baby, I have no energy for anything let alone sex.

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