How Has Having Kids Changed Your Sex Life?
I recently completed a research assignment that took me into the depths of marital sex. And quite honestly, it appears that sex within the confines of a marriage is a dismal place to be.
According to some of the research I came across, the average married couple only has sex once or twice a month. As time is added on to the marriage – like charms on a bracelet – the frequency changes with as many as half of all married people reporting a lack of sexual intimacy for 6 months or more.
And for most people, the change in sexual intimacy came once the kiddos arrived.
Women report decreased sex drive often due to hormones and diminished body image. And men are just left sort of scratching their heads – wondering if it is even "okay" to touch their wives – who are tired. In addition to that, many women reported in the survey that they felt like the men in their lives weren’t as interested in "pleasing" their wives as they were during the courting years.
Regardless – there are lots and lots and lots and LOTS (You get the point) of married couples that aren’t enjoying the level of passionate love making that you see on primetime television and in the movies. Maybe the reason this unrealistic image of married sex is so captivating to an audience is because people just aren’t getting the excitement at home.
Unfortunately, the lack of sex going on in homes across the world is a "dirty, little secret" couples don’t feel comfortable talking about. So, while the fact that you haven’t made love to your husband in 5 weeks is making you feel bad, or giving you concerns about your relationship, you are left feeling alone, and like you are a failure as a husband, wife, or couple. News flash! You’re NOT! (Funny that the song Endless Love is playing in the background as I write this.)
I don’t know about you, but I just think that the overall importance and appeal of sex gets sort of tossed to the wayside in lieu of feeding children and getting enough rest to make it through the day. I think that intimacy comes in all shapes and forms – from things as simple as a kiss on the cheek, to holding hands, to a massage, to a gently placed hand, to simply laughing together. I think that love making is a culmination of opportunities and extensions of us to our partner, which is much more than just one orgasm, or the "act" of sex.
Truth is that in every relationship – with every couple – sexual intimacy ebbs and flows. And this is simply normal. As long as the two of you feel good as a couple, and aren’t remiss or resentful about sex, it is best to save the uber-high expectations and glamorous sex dreams for the movies. According to decade's worth of research and some pretty extensive surveys, your sex life is likely normal.