5 Reasons I’m Not Sure Whether I’m Ready to Have a Baby Yet

am I ready to have a baby

“They” say timing is everything. If that’s the case, is there ever a right time to have kids? Are you ever fully financially, mentally, emotionally, (and then some) ready to bring a wonderful little life into this world? One who is completely dependent upon you?

I am a planner, and trying to determine when to bring a baby into mine and my husband’s happily busy lives has been the most difficult thing I’ve attempted to plan for yet. I don’t want to make any mistakes (did I mention I’m also a perfectionist?), although realistically I know that I will. I want to be the best mommy I can be, and the thought of not being exactly that, frankly, scares the hell out of me.

Help me if you can! Share your experiences, please, as I bring to you my five reasons I’m not sure whether or not I’m ready to have a baby yet…

clowning-around
Image via David Lynn Photography

#1 I’m still young

Which, with every passing year, becomes less true. Father time insists on marching on. I will be 28 years young in less than a month, and would like to have two little ones. My clock is ticking. My husband’s clock has been ticking since we met, maybe longer. He is 35 and is so ready to be a daddy. I absolutely do want to be a mother, and want to give him the most wonderful gift a woman can give her partner – the gift of life. I’m just not sure when is the “right” time, or if there is such a thing.

selfish-independent
Image via Flickr/LadyDragonfly

#2 I’ll admit it, I’m a little selfish

I consider myself to be a very giving person. Here comes the but … I like to do the things I enjoy when I want to do them. This is something I will obviously need to get over when I have kids. It’s going to be their world and I’ll just be living in it. Unless I magically have some incredibly easy, agreeable child. Ha! Who am I kidding?

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sleep is for chumps

#3 I love sleep

The number one thing I hear from friends, family, coworkers, our amazing community members, and random parents everywhere that they miss about life before kids is sleep. I don’t do well running on less than seven hours, and I’m pretty darn sure those blissful, uninterrupted seven hours will become a distant memory once my hubby and I welcome a beautiful baby into the world.

megan-half-marathon

#4 Body ch-ch-ch-changes

I’m actually pretty darn happy with my body. It’s taken me a lot of years of unnecessary insecurity to get here, but here I am, and I don’t want to leave! I’m one of those sick people that really enjoys working out. I am not a gym rat. My husband and I own an exercise bike, which I ride as I get some reading time in, and I somehow tricked myself into enjoying running, along with some other fun-tivities. My body post-growing-a-human will never be the same again.

I truly hope to enjoy my pregnancy (a girl can dream, can’t she?), embrace a couple new curves – can I request to be blessed with bigger tatas that will actually stick around, upright, post-breastfeeding? Who do I send my request in to?

I do plan to continue my current exercise routine, of course cutting out unsafe activity, while pregnant. Fingers are crossed for the rest.

adore-my-husband
Image via David Lynn Photography

#5 I adore my husband

I’m scared that I will resent my husband somehow. My hubby is one of the most amazing people I know. He is generous, kind, loving, and incredibly intelligent, sexy, understanding. My list of reasons why I am beyond happy in my life with him goes on and on. I hear from many mommy friends that, regardless of how great their husband is, they’re still mom and end up bearing most of the parenting load. Maybe this has caused resentment in their relationship, and maybe not. I just don’t want it to happen to us. We’re in our second year of marriage and in a bliss bubble that I don’t want popped!

Could my partner love our kids more than me? I’m sure that sounds crazy, I’m sure the love you have for your children and the love you have for your spouse are too different to compare. But this thought has crossed my mind as I carefully consider when is the right time for us to broaden our little bubble enough to squeeze another person into it.

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When did you have your first baby? Were you “ready” to have your life change in every way possible?

{Related: Five Things To Do Before You Have Your Baby}

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5 Reasons I’m Not Sure Whether I’m Ready to Have a Baby Yet

I have a constant craving for adventure and love to pack as much fun into life as I can. Becoming a mom to one sweet boy has caused me to slow down - a little, and provided me with a wonderful new way to find joy in life. I try my darndest to soak it all in, as I have already found life to move a lot quicker since welcoming this little hunk of love into it. I am married to an amazing man, and I'm still trying to figure out how to embrace the changes in our relationship that have come with new pa ... More

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37 comments

  1. When do you know you are ready for pregnancy?
    Are you married? Being a single parent is VERY HARD.
    Do you have a roof over your head? Providing for children is essential.
    Are you over 25 years old?
    Are you under 40 years old?
    Then you are ready. It is that simple.
    If you don’t want it, then maybe you were not meant to be a parent.

    • Darlyn says:

      I’m sorry but I disagree with your point of view. Having a place to live and even better if you own it its very important, that I agree with. Now, being married? You dont necesarily need to me married to try for a baby (FYI: I’m happily married). I belief if you have a stable relationship with your partner and are in love and both of you want to become parents, theres no need for marriage to go first, we are in 2016, thats no longer a must. Regarding your age questions, where is it written that you have to be between 25 & 40 to start planning for kids? I know many individuals who are in that age range and dont have a career, or jobs ( stable jobs or any at all), or are stable in their relationship at the time. Many of those people who waited for the perfect age and time ( as per people’s opinion) ended up not having any kids or having only one when they would want to have 2 or more, or having them past 35 with many risks as Down Syndrome for their newborn. Therefore I befief the perfect time and/ or age does not exit and never will.
      I think its important to wait until you have a
      stable relationship in which both are in love and in agreement the both want a baby. Also its important that the couple has a stable place to live, careers and stable jobs. And by saying all that Im pretty sure that all that its not going to come before your 20’s. Once you have all that, why not?

  2. Michelle says:

    I found myself Googling “when do you know you’re ready for pregnancy?” And stumbled upon this article. I agree with this almost 100%. I find myself thinking exactly like your reasons. I just want to i ask all the mom’s out there. Do you actually know when you’re ready? Do you ever truly know? Iwant kids soon one day, then the next I’m not ready for such a drastic change in my life. Sigh! So perplexed!!

  3. Eva says:

    I didn’t ever want to have children. I wanted to adopt them. But now that I am in the last few weeks of my pregnancy I can honestly say that this is the greatest thing that could ever happen to me!!

  4. Cait says:

    I am ready I don’t know if anyone is ever prepared for every baby situation

  5. Julia says:

    I got married at 26, and just had my first baby at 38. Personally, I am glad I waited, but I wish I hadn’t waited quite so long. My husband really wanted kids from the get go, but I kept postponing. I’m very glad that he and I got to spend real quality time together, progressing in our relationship and being able to dedicate our time to each other. I’m also glad that I was able to do well in my career, I’m not sure if I would have been able to do what I have done if I had had a child at 26 or even 30. But, now that I have my daughter, I really wish I had started having children a few years ago. I would really like another, but I will be 41 by the time we would have another child and I’m just not sure if that’s what I want. If I were younger, I wouldn’t even think twice. My body isn’t quite the same as before my pregnancy, but I am really ok with that. If you eat well, drink plenty of water and exercise some during your pregnancy, the body changes most likely won’t be too dramatic. About being selfish, you really do have to put the baby first and there’s no way around it at the beginning. But for me anyway, I feel like since I waited I had already spent so much time doing “my things”, and now I’m willing to do what is needed for the baby. But – I still make time for a massage once a month, I have a babysitter come once a week, I go to the store by myself while Hubby watches the baby, etc. You have to have your own time, too, or you’ll go crazy. And I really, truly understand about the sleep thing. I used to get 9-10 hours pre-birth, but that has reduced significantly. But – the worst part is probably the first 3 months, although it depends on the baby of course. I know 3 months sounds like a long time, and it kind of is when you’re going through it, but it does get better, really it does. And you learn to be very efficient at getting naps in and doing everything else in record time so you can sleep a little more. So, there really is no magical, “right” time to have a baby, but I think you’ll know when you feel it is a good time and once you have your child, everything will fall into place.

  6. Megan Klay says:

    Thank you! Everyone has made me feel so much better about such a big decision. I love that you broke down each part of my tale and made me feel better about it. 🙂 MUCH appreciated!

  7. Megan Klay says:

    Thanks so very much, Cassie!

  8. Megan Klay says:

    Thank you SO much, Sonia. I love learning about others, and it’s especially neat when others share similar thoughts, experiences, worries, to my own. Thank you again!

  9. Megan Klay says:

    Thank you, truly, for taking the time to share with and support me!

  10. Megan Klay says:

    Thanks for your encouraging words, Morgan!

  11. Megan Klay says:

    Thanks so very much, Christy!!

  12. Megan Klay says:

    You seriously made my heart smile, jennifer! Thank you so much!

  13. Megan Klay says:

    Thanks very much for sharing. Everyone’s stories, thoughts, kind words have truly helped me to feel more ready about the biggest decision of my life!

  14. Megan Klay says:

    Thank you for sharing your story, and for your encouraging words!

  15. Megan Klay says:

    Thanks for the support! 🙂

  16. This was me approximately 9 1/2 months ago. I was turning 27, my fiance/common law spouse of 4.5 years was turning 29. We had agreed to start a family and have a child by his 30th birthday…and I was putting it off. I liked my body the way it was, even though it WAS changing thanks to gravity. I liked being able to sleep in and have time to myself, and I too feared resenting my hubby.

    I can tell you with absolute certainty that if you truly love your husband as much as you say you do, then that won’t change. I had a 2 day labor, got through it with gas and during the 3 hours of pushing our son out I would look up at my husband and squeeze his hand tight. I never swore at him. I never told him I hated him. He was my pillar of strength when I needed him most and afterward seeing him with our son was the most beautiful sight. I love him twenty times what I did before. The pregnancy itself, which I’d feared would break us, made us a stronger couple and our love grew deeper. When you’re with the right person and you allow him to be a part of the pregnancy from the beginning, then it IS that simple. It CAN be a wonderful bonding experience and strengthen a relationship.

    My body DID change a lot. I tried to fight the stretch marks, but they came anyway in my 8th month. My husband tells me that they remind him of all I went through to bring our son into the world, and the scars will fade. My breasts might sag after I finish breastfeeding, but the way I hear it, we start losing the war with gravity by 30 anyway, so that doesn’t bug me so much anymore.

    You will ALWAYS feel young, but your youth really returns with kids. Think of all the fun games and toys you’ll get to play with. It’s like reliving your childhood and having a good excuse to buy a ton of legos or a cool toy that never existed when YOU were growing up. My husband and I walk around the toy stores and get excited over all the things we’ll get to play with and buy for our son in a few years.

    Sleep is easy to get if you know how to bend a few rules. I fall asleep a lot while breastfeeding. My son is curled up on my chest and I get at least 3 hours at a time. Then he’ll feed, I’ll change him, and he’ll sleep for another three. If you keep up that cycle for at least 9 hours in the day, you’ll be fine. Also, your hubby can take care of the baby for a few hours and let you nap.

    I also liked doing my own thing, but I assure you that once you hold your child in your arms that will be all you can think about. I love to write, but it took me 4 days to finish my son’s birth story because I just wanted to hold him constantly. The day will pass and you’ll realize you spent it with your baby, but you won’t care. You can have your husband take the baby for a few hours to give you time for a bath or to do something else to relax, but you’ll find yourself coming back to hold your child again in a few short hours. <3 Trust me.

  17. Cassie says:

    Yes, I was blessed to be able to be off for 6 months withy full pay and I was too happy b/c 6 weeks is just waaaaay too short!!! Especially being a new mom!

  18. Cassie says:

    I am a planner as well and planned the month and it happened. I say wait until it is something you desire then you will know you are ready because you will want one! I just had mg first child and I am 36 and my husband 44. I just like you loved all of those things down to my body, did not want it to change. I was married at 28 so we were able to have some great years together. I then wanted to do all the motherly things and I can truly truly say I am sooooooooooooooooo happy I did!!! My pregnancy was great and I looked grrreat! My labor was painful but it was great! I can say I’m soooooo grateful forum husband b/c he was there like no other and still there. I was home for work for 6 months and my husband would hold the baby down while I sleep w/ the two of them out of the room everyday! Now that my son is 10 months we still take turns at night checking on him ( I take one night and he takes the next). This way we both get solid sleep through some nights. My son does sleep through the night but we still like to check on him. I’m just so ready to go to the soccer, basketball practice and games. I’m ready to go on vacation as a family instead of just a couple all the time. I feel like my son makes my family complete! W/out him I felt like we were a married single couple b/c we could do whatever we wanted. I was so ready to have a complete family. I think this was the right time for us b/c we are more established and have done things w/ single and we had ample time as a couple so we were ready and I just thank The Lord he allowed me the experience that he has. Although ppl are sharing their experiences remember everyone’s experience is different and I can truly say mine was and continues to be wonderful! (Smiling)

  19. Christina says:

    I was 17 and done with school. My husband was 19 at the time. We had the talk about whether we wanted kids, and we said if it happens, it happens. 1 month later I found out I was pregnant. Almost 8 years later we are married and have 2 kids. I would not change anything about my life. I love when I had my kids.

    In my opinion, no one is ever ready for their first child. You can plan all you want because that will go out the door as soon as that baby gets here.

  20. Zahra says:

    Wow, I didn’t read that much into the post. I mean, yes, there are parts I find selfish (and that’s a personal call, not everyone might think the same), but, overall, it seemed to me the author was very much preoccupied about the effect of having a baby on her current life and vice-versa. It’s true that your life changes when you have a baby. It’s true that you won’t be going out much during the first few months. But here’s the thing: having a baby is not necessarily the only way to live a "complete" life. For some people it definitely is. For others, it definitely isn’t. And for more people than we imagine, it’s only one way to live a fulfilling life.

    As I put it when we were trying to procreate: "If we do have a baby, it’s a set of experiences: birth, breastfeeding (or not), taking care of that person and seeing them grow into an adult. If we don’t, it’s a different set of experiences: travel, going out, a looser lifestyle, in general. None of these sets of experience are inherently better. Some are more suited to the first, others to the second. And some would have happy lives in either."

    Caring about whether you would be a good mother and wife is actually showing that you would care about your child. It’s the same about whether you wonder if you will love this child. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t wonder.

    The only thing I’ll add is: just because you’re trying not to get pregnant and it’s working, doesn’t mean that when you do want to get pregnant, it will work. It took me three years to get pregnant, without drugs. I have PCOS and I could have gone the induced ovulation route, but for my overall, long term health, it was better for me to lose weight and get in better shape than trying the meds.

    Oh, and about the sleep? It’s amazing how I can function on less sleep than before. If you’re breastfeeding, hormones help a lot with that.

  21. babybiue21 says:

    "Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans"! The one tip I can give (I just turned 30 the week before my Daughter was born in April) is put money aside for "maternity leave". You never realize how much you depend on it until you have a fraction of what you used to make for the 6-12 weeks you take off, if you ever go back. Other than the money issue, there is never a "right" time to have a baby and you can never really plan for it perfectly. Just do it if you want to and enjoy every single minute of it!

  22. Sonia says:

    My goodness! I feel like you are describing my life with my husband. He is 9 yrs older than me and I was 28 when I got pregnant. I was very much scared like you are because i am also a perfectionist and felt i was still young. I always thought that there was no way i would know how to be a good mother. I used to talk to my older sister, whom is a mother of 2, about wanting to have children but being scared. She is the one who told me that there is no right time to become pregnant. Its kind of like getting into a cold pool; its better to just jump in because thinking about it too much convinces you not to get in and enjoy the water. Once I had my baby, I knew she was right and most of my fear went away. You have to remember that the fear of not being the perfect mother will always be there, but its only part of being a parent. A good way to feel better prepared is to: 1) have pregnancy tests readily available to check the results of your attempts. You want to provide healthcare to your baby as soon as possible. 2) read different articles and get opinions on parenting and choose what you like best because there is no right way. 3) get your husband mentally ready for the baby. He will definitely notice that you are not spending as much time with him as before you had the baby and could possibly become jealous or feel left out. 4) try to prevent any other major life changes during the near of your delivery. for example, changing jobs or moving. this only adds to the stress of having a newborn. 5) take a birthing class with your spouse during the near of delivery. This will help both of you know what to prepare for. 6) be sure to wear some sort of spanx or a hip reducer, postpartum, to help return your body to its pre-pregnancy stage as much as possible. Dont wait too long to do this because it only works while your body is still relaxed. Remember… Its ok to be selfish because you will definitely need some alone time in order to stay sane. 🙂 Plan to leave your baby with your husband once in a while so that you get your alone time while giving your husband the chance to bond with baby. He will not love the baby more than you. You should also plan for a date night, without baby, when you feel the parenting burden is solely on you. This is the stress of a newborn talking and not really that the burden is on you. The date will help both of you stay in your bliss bubble. As far as you getting your 7hrs of sleep, talk to your doctor about when its ok to have your little one sleep through the night without a feeding. Then be strong and dont feed your baby so that he can soothe himself back to sleep. Know that as long as you keep feeding him when he wakes at night, he will keep waking. To tell you the truth, I would recommend you wait ONLY if you are currently struggling with your everyday bills, which doesn’t seem to be your case. Other than this, i don’t think waiting will get rid of your fear. My fear became less and less with every ultrasound.

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