Do You Angry House Clean?
When I’m annoyed, I angry house clean.
Which pretty much means my house is usually immaculate.
Maybe not right now, but when it is, someone is bound to leave something in the way and I am, therefore, bound to grab the Windex or Lysol and huff and puff my way to a spotless bathroom mirror, clean floor or organized kitchen sink.
There is nothing I can stand less than grubby finger prints all over my mirror when I am trying get my eyebrow just right.
I want to know the culprit. I DEMAND to know, with paper towel and blue spray in hand, who DARED to write their initials in sneeze. There is a perfectly good toilet roll an arm’s length away until I look and, yep, whattaya know?!
THERE IS NO TOILET PAPER ROLL.
So, I replace it and LET EVERYONE KNOW I have replaced it and then I begin vacuuming.
Because nothing cleanses the soul like crisp lines of vacuumed carpet.
Ahh, my special place!
No matter what, you can find me vacuuming my angries away, every night, around 8 pm. If someone leaves a glass in the sink after I did the dishes, it’s possible that I may flip out and start pointing at all the bits of white something or other and Dorito shavings on the carpet I JUST CLEANED.
Just to be clear, I do not have OCD. I angry house clean.
Of course if it’s my mess, it doesn’t bother me: my kitchen table is an epic disaster right now; serving as my desk while I pack and get ready to move. But the snack bag that used to be filled with yogurt pretzels is most definitely not mine and the size-10 man flops are, yep, still not mine, and the towel ALMOST in the laundry basket is not mine either.
This is payback, folks.
As a teenager, I didn’t clean anything. Not until I was thisclose to popping out my daughter at 21 did I put the chaos and path THROUGH the clothes away, open my hoarding closet, and discard, vacuum, and do all the dishes. My grandmother — when I was almost too old for grandmothers to do these things — made me sign a contract that I would start doing dishes.
Picking up after myself was epic torture back then, so logically I now torture my family about it. With the sanctimony and righteousness that only I can have.
How do you deal with stress and the things in life that get under your skin? Do you angry house clean like me or do you cope in some other way?