Confession: I’m Embarrassed About My 4th Pregnancy

Recently, I was at work, caring for a patient in labor who was having her first baby, when I told her that I was also newly expecting. 

“Oh, that's so nice,” the patient's mother interrupted. “Is this your first?”

I smiled. “Nope!” I said brightly. “It's actually my fourth.” 

I waited for the reaction that I knew was coming. Her mouth dropped to the floor. “Your fourth?” she asked incredulously. “You don't even look like you're 20 years old!”

It's a common reaction for me, and although I am definitely not 20 years old with four children, I am a young mother—by choice, I should add. In almost every aspect of my life, becoming a young mother at the age of 21 has been a greater blessing than I could have ever imagined. 

{ MORE: I Want Another Baby, but My Husband Doesn't }

But it still doesn't always stop me from sometimes feeling a little embarrassed about having so many children at a young age. 

Image via serenityphotographyltd/Flickr
Image via serenityphotographyltd/Flickr

I'm not exactly sure why, but there's just something about being a young mother with many young children that doesn't strike society as an “intelligent” move. It's as if we feel women who simply have nothing better to do go and reproduce out of a lack of other meaningful activities. 

I will admit that even though my husband and I are happy with our family, and honestly don't really feel that our family of five soon-to-be-six is “large,” even for a couple in their 20s, it's hard to face judgement from other people. Walking through the grocery store, picking my daughter up from school – I face comments and judgement from people who seem to think they know what is best for my family better than I do. 

{ MORE: The Inspiring Way This College Is Helping Student Parents }

If there is anything I have learned from the experience of my fourth pregnancy, however, it's that I have nothing to be ashamed about. I may have felt some embarrassment in announcing my fourth pregnancy, but the truth is—I'm starting to get excited about the new addition to our family. And I'm finally learning the lesson of what it means to do what is best for our family …

And ours alone. 

What about you? How many children do you and your partner plan to have?


What do you think?

Confession: I’m Embarrassed About My 4th Pregnancy

Chaunie Brusie is a writer, mom of four, and founder of The Stay Strong Mom, a community + gift box service for moms after loss. ... More

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  1. Victoria says:

    I just had my 3rd child 4 months ago and every time im in public I hear at least once usually two or 3 times wow you really got your hands full. I hear that no matter when I go.Knowing I will hear that phrase every time I go out the door it’s so annoying. The thing is I feel like one more child will complete our family. But I know I will hear you know how that happened don’t you. Hearing comments has made my husband feel embarrassed and he doesn’t want any more.

  2. there is something really weird about our society if it makes people ashamed to have kids. and i know it does. but it used to be a sign of prosperity and women with many children were considered more blessed than those who just had a few. how times have changed. but don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. you love your children and so does their creator. what society says matters nil and you just hold your head high and know that people are more important than things. only people are eternal; who cares about stuff and money that all fades away

  3. Monica says:

    I am only 20 years old, and I have 3 children.. the oldest, at 4 years old, is my step-son but I care for him as if he was my own.. I was extremely scared when I found out I was pregnant with my first at 18, I had no idea what I was going to do.. shortly, exactly 6 weeks, after I had my first child I got pregnant with my second.. my husband and I, no we did not get married because I was pregnant, made the biggest decision of our lives and we let our daughter be adopted.. I knew my family wouldnt like it and i knew they would have some nasty things to say about it but i didnt let it get to me, because i knew it was best for our family and for our daughter.. we were already struggling with just the ones we had and we knew we couldnt make it with another and we didnt want her to suffer.. even to this day i still get nasty messages from my family members, but i am 100% happy with that choice.. i guess no matter what happens as long as you feel you are doing right by your family, it doesnt matter what anyone else has to say, espcially “strangers”..

  4. Melinda says:

    We have 6 children(5 are ours together,oldest is my stepson). We also have 2 babies in Heaven. Got married before I turned 21 & had our first child just after I turned 23! We get the stares ALL the time, but they are just jealous!! Not everyone is to have children or a larger family-this is how it worked out for us! Our oldest two(that I was pregnant with) are 14mo. apart-to the day! Then a 2yr. 3mo. & 2 days time span between 2nd & 3rd! Then a 3yr. 3mo. span between 3rd & 4th. And 20mo. between 4th & 5th!

  5. mama_#4 says:

    your not the only one that feels like that I have not taken a test yet but I am 95% sure I am having #4 scared to death my youngest will be 1 next month and my older two are just 13 months apart

  6. Tabitha says:

    I had my first child at 17, and my 4th at 26, then 5th at 29. I get the typical don’t you know what causes this question. I am now 33, and cannot have anymore children. I love that I am still going to be young enough to enjoy things when my youngest is older.

  7. I am in the same situation. I have 4 and had my first at 21, but I am not embarrassed, just irritated at people who make assumptions about my family and think that they have any business making judgments about us. I get “These all yours?’ all the time and then worse “They all got the same daddy?” The answer is yes and yes, but that’s still none of their business. Honestly I would have two more if we could afford it, but since we can’t we’ll just keep loving and taking care of the four we have and ignoring anyone who has a problem with how many kids I chose to have.

  8. Micah says:

    You go girl!! We just had our 7th child, here in South Florida and you can only imagine the comments! I think that children keep us young and it also helps if we are happy about it!! 🙂 Children are a blessing. Hope you have wonderful delivery and can dismiss the negativity you may get. I still haven’t fashioned a good one-liner to use in return….but it would be helpful. Since we home school our children, I also get the question “Are they all yours?” since they are always with me. It does get old, but I guess it opens peoples eyes to a different way of life that values little ones! I applaud you.

  9. TaKeisha says:

    There use big reason to be embarrassed about being pregnant for the fourth time!!! You and your husband know what is best for your family and that is all that matters!!!

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