Why I Chose to Have My Tubes Tied

When you wait until you are 33 years old to try to have your first baby (and spent the better part of your 20s and 30s in full-on birth-control mode), you really have no idea how fertile you might be. When my husband and I first decided it was time to “start trying,” I was all about mapping out my cycle, using an ovulation tester to understand my “most fertile days,” and then, ahem, doing what it takes to ensure our likelihood of successful conception. And within two months, we saw that positive line on the home pregnancy test.

After our son was born, we realized how much we really loved this whole parenting thing, and we knew we wanted to have a second child right away so they could grow up together and be best buddies, not to mention we already had all of that baby gear! Let's get some use out of it! So when our son was 7 months old, out came the fertility monitor, and I closely monitored my cycle, and in the first month, we were pregnant again.

Now when this second son reached 7 months of age, my husband and I knew we weren't done growing our family, but we figured we should slow down a little bit on how fast it was all happening! I mean, three kids under the age of three would be a little much, wouldn't it? So once again, I got out the calendar, mapped out my cycle, and then … ahem … made sure we were not engaging in extra-curricular activities during my most fertile days. And wouldn't you know it? My careful planning to NOT get pregnant didn't quite work out. Nine months later, our third son was born.

Now, lest you think we were less than overjoyed about being pregnant with Baby #3, that wasn't the case at all. In fact, we took it as the Universe's way of telling us that we were meant to raise a big family. And when we learned that our third would be a boy? Still over-the-top thrilled! I felt no urge to have “at least one of each,” I knew I was pretty good at this mom-of-boys thing, and I was kind of excited about our 3-under-3 situation. 

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But I was also sure that this needed to be my last pregnancy. Now I was 36, this would be my third c-section in three years, which is hard on a body, and, quite frankly, I was tired of having to be concerned about all the possible genetic issues related to my “advanced maternal age.” So it was time to figure out the next phase of birth control for my husband and I, because certainly, abstinence wasn't working! Having spent so many years on the pill, I knew I didn't want to continue to handle this issue chemically, and since I would be in for yet another c-section anyway, the most logical choice to me was to ask my doctor about a tubal ligation.

Now, for definition's sake:

“A tubal ligation — also known as having your tubes tied or tubal sterilization — is a type of permanent birth control. During a tubal ligation, the fallopian tubes are cut or blocked to permanently prevent pregnancy. A tubal ligation disrupts the movement of the egg to the uterus for fertilization and blocks sperm from traveling up the fallopian tubes to the egg. A tubal ligation doesn't affect your menstrual cycle.” (source: The Mayo Clinic) 

After talking it over with my OB/GYN, we both agreed that it was a sound decision, but I was in no way prepared for the amount of hoops I would need to jump through in order to make this happen! I mean, for 36 years, I made all of the reproductive decisions about my own body (OK, my husband was involved for the last few, but you know what I mean). But now, in order for the hospital to do the tubal ligation procedure, there were many steps involved.

First, my husband and I had to read some literature, fill out some forms (separately), and then meet with a hospital social worker. During our meeting, she made it a point to stress that I needed to understand that this would be a permanent situation. Tubals are very difficult to reverse, and the success rate for doing so is low. We assured her that we completely understood the permanence of the situation and that we were all good.

Then we had to listen to her spout off different scenarios that might cause us to wish that we hadn't decided on the tubal.

What if we changed our minds in a year? (We won't).

What if we get divorced and I want to have children with my new husband? (Uh honey … if we get divorced, no one is going to want to take on a lady with three kids under 3, so I will be in my 60s before I get re-married, and the tubal will be the least of my worries).

What if our children all perish in a horrible accident and Steve and I want to have more kids? What if the baby I am carrying doesn't survive delivery? (That's just mean, lady, and you are saying it to me when I am 7-months pregnant. You are lucky I don't curl up into a sobbing heap on the floor right now!)

Finally, what stopped the line of questioning is that Steve and I told her what was in our hearts. We knew we weren't done adding to our family right now, but after three kids by birth, we were certain that the way we wanted to grow our family further was through adoption. At this point, we weren't sure how soon we wanted to start this process, but we knew it was in our future. So if all our kids were tragically lost tomorrow, if the baby I was carrying didn't survive delivery, we already knew what we were going to do. 

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Comically, this line of questioning was all repeated again — right before I was wheeled into the delivery room for the c-section and tubal procedure! It just seems crazy to me that there was no counseling involved when I was pregnant and bringing new people into the world without necessarily having a clue about what I was doing, yet when I decided that I wanted to stop getting pregnant, there were all kinds of interventions needed to make sure that I knew exactly what I was signing up for!

Was It the Right Decision?

For us, absolutely! It was fantastic not having to worry about remembering to take an oral birth-control pill (I was a pretty busy mom, raising my three young boys!), and since there are no hormonal side effects to having a tubal, life just continues on as usual without the worries of a surprise pregnancy.

And we did indeed actually grow our family by three more amazing kids through adoption over the next several years. For us, things turned out exactly the way they were supposed to be. 

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Have you considered – or had – a tubal ligation? What has your experience been?