Caught In the Act

Image adapted via iStock

You and your partner finally have all the kids tucked into bed after a long day.  You've checked them twice, and then decide that now, while all is peaceful, might be a good time to get intimate with your partner. As the two of you sneak into the bedroom, tip-toeing as quietly as possible as not to make the floorboard creak, you feel like school kids sneaking out of their parents' house. 

A few minutes later, it's on.  Then – suddenly – you look down at the foot of your bed and see your toddler standing there with a blank stare.  

“Daddy, what are you doing to mommy?” 

To which you respond, “How long have you been standing there?”

You don't know whether to pull up the covers, search for clothes, pretend your child is not there, fake sleep, or just close your eyes and hope they will disappear. And, depending on your child's age, you certainly don't know what to say.  (So of course you say something completely stupid!) 

Being caught in the act by children is one of those ‘almost impossible to avoid' events in life that never loses the embarrassment factor. Even though your young child probably has no idea what is going on, it is humiliating nonetheless. Then, of course, you are filled with worry, concern, dread, and anxiety about how your child will react. You might even spend the next few days feeling ashamed or trying to figure out what your toddler ‘knows' or really saw.

Here's the thing:  Your child will be fine. In fact, if you don't make a big deal of being caught in the act, neither will your child. On the flip side, if you completely freak out from embarrassment and start acting strangely, your child will get the notion that something is amiss.  Obviously, parents do their best to be intimate in private, but even the best attempts are subject to (at least a few times) being ruined by toddlers.  

This is just one reason that adults should never feel ashamed of locking their bedroom door.  Establish early on in your child's life that YES – you DO have a private life. Having your child knock on your door before entry is simply polite, and a favor they will appreciate returned when they are teenagers. Additionally, having ‘mommy and daddy' time is important to YOUR relationship – so you shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed.  Children need to grow up with the realization that mommy and daddy have a separate (and private) relationship with one another that deserves to be respected with limits and boundaries.

{ MORE:  5 Secrets to Great Sex }


Of course, the older your children get, the grosser they will find any PDA between their parents. In fact, by the time they are preteens, mom and dad hand-holding and kissing is the perfect way to run children out of a room completely. (Seriously who wants to see their parents kiss?)  And thankfully so – because being caught in the act when your children do ‘know' (or at least have an idea) what is going on is 100 times more embarrassing than it was when they were 5. 

The good news is that you don't have to worry about emotionally scarring your children if you are caught being romantic.  Just play it off, laugh it off, and carry on.  Make sneaking off for romantic escapades together a challenge – and consider hanging bells on your door (or your children's doors) so you get a heads up if someone is stirring after hours.

Have you been caught in the act?  If so, how did you handle it? 

What do you think?

Caught In the Act

Stef Daniel is the 40ish year old, experienced (meaning crazy already) mother of count ‘em…4 daughters (yes, she takes prayers) who have taught her nearly E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G she needs to know about raising kids and staying sane. She hails from a small town in Georgia where she lives with her family in a red tin roofed house (with just ONE bathroom mind you) on a farm - with tons of animals of course. One day, due to her sheer aversion to shoes and her immense lov ... More

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  1. ovation says:

    We just had this happen. I checked on both kids and they were both out cold. So I thought. We close our door and it really old and noisy so we didn’t think anything of it. Well when your in the middle of things it doesn’t matter we found out. Our bed has a lip over the main base so as we were changing position we heard a thumping sound which originally he thought was me and I thought was him. Nope it was our 4 year old. My hubby put him back to bed and he didn’t ask questions so we just played it off as why are you out of bed did you need something. He hasn’t asked any questions since thank goodness. We promptly put a lock on our door.

  2. elizabeth says:

    i am so glad that this has not yet happened

  3. Kelsey says:

    When my cousin was a toddler he walked in on his parents and abruptly said “giddy up daddy!”… Lol. One of our families favorite family jokes to tell.

  4. Brandy says:

    when my daughter was almost 3 she happened to come in at the wrong moment but we (thank goodness) were well under covers and done just still “together”.. but knowing that she could come in she was so quiet and so were the doors in the house… well she came in and barely said mommy and we froze looked at her and said baby what are you doing up go back to bed and she did… we were so worried what to say in the morning… but when morning came i simply asked her why she came to mommy and daddy’s room in the night and she told me she didn’t come to our room…. i breathed a sigh of relief thank goodness she was not awake enough to even know she came into our room!!! that was the one and only time that happened. it never happened with our son and I’m hoping it would happen with the new one that is coming!

  5. Phammom says:

    Not looking forward to those days.

  6. Yannette says:

    that is crazy make sure your door is lock at the time for that can’t happend

  7. AspenXIzzard says:

    I have not!!!! Thank god!!!

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