The Day I Bought Spanx
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I have bought and returned Spanx or a similar version of them three times in the past year. This is mainly because I am cost conscious or frugal or, let’s call it like I see it, cheap. For the sake of full disclosure, I am also very soft in the middle. When exactly does all of this post baby weight leave again?
For the baby I had, you know, ten years ago.
Beyond being cheap, I think I had unrealistic expectations about Spanx. Basically I thought that once I got them over the area in question – which should definitely be a workout plan in and of itself – my muffin top would be gone. This is, coincidentally, just like believing that every time I gain a pound, the Thin Fairy will come and take it away.
But this is what I thought would happen.
The first time I bought Spanx, I thought they were too expensive. The second time, I decided to go with a different brand and then had buyer’s remorse and returned them.
Yes, I can barely make decisions. Good thing we’re on the same page.
A few weeks ago I fell in love and bought a purple wrap dress. I thought the dress would look even better if I was just a tad “smoother,” which is just a polite euphemism for “sucked in by a girdle.” So I took the plunge: bought my third pair, opened my first pack, and stuck my foot through the wrong hole.
Oops. Beginner’s mistake.
I wiggled and held my breath and unrolled them to the top and then pulled them to what seemed like far too high, but turned out to be the right height, and an amazing thing happened: I could still breathe. I wasn’t expecting this so I panicked and began asking every woman I know if they could breathe in theirs too because I had heard that you were barely supposed to be able to move let alone breathe.
So, once I was over my shock at being able to breathe, I took a picture of me with and without Spanx and sent it off to EVERYONE. All because I wasn’t sure if the few inches I tucked here and there were worth it.
Yes, somehow I do have friends. Shocking, I know.
After I sent the comparison shots, everyone was in agreement that my “body shaper” was well worth it. Which did have me wondering what do I normally look like because I barely saw a difference. It is entirely possible that I may be in the market for a new mirror and a new set of eyes.
They clearly cannot be trusted.
But I'll keep the Spanx.