Are You Jealous of the Babysitter?

Women today are expected to DO IT ALL.  They get pregnant and have babies and are expected to return to the workforce in just weeks.  In fact, for many working mothers one of the biggest worries of late pregnancy can be finding suitable day care or babysitting arrangements for their child.  According to the National Association of Childcare Resource and Referral, nearly 71% of mothers with children are in the workforce.  And of course, this is slowly but surely changing the way that mothers mother, and how they feel about how well they mother.

mother jealous of caregiver
Image via iStock

It can also make moms feel jealous of their child’s caretaker.  After all, this person (or these people) often spends more time on a day to day basis with the child or children than the mother does.  And it’s only natural for women to worry that their child won't feel close to them, won't love them enough – or will end up calling the babysitter mama.  Hearing the well intended stories of what your baby did all day, how many first steps they took, or how wonderful they were in your absence, may be aimed at reassuring you that your child was happy.  But obviously, it can also pull at the heartstrings of a working mother who may feel she is missing out on too much.  

The important thing to realize is that you are not alone.  There are plenty of women who at one time or another feel jealous of their child's caretaker.  Even though I was a stay at home mom, I can remember hearing the heartfelt joyous tales of how happy my kids were in my absence when I had other people watch my kids — I felt slightly intimidated, that perhaps they were happier without me around.  

One of my good friends, who is watching her best friend’s baby, also tries to walk the very thin line between giving too much information to her friend about her baby. She has had a few issues where the mom was feeling jealous, especially when the baby would reach for her over her mother.  

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The thing is that the old saying, “It takes a village to raise a child,” is true.  Yes, it’s hard to leave your child in the care of someone else.  However, on the positive side, it is good to know that your baby is in a place where they feel loved and happy.  Equally important, is to realize that you are doing the best you can with the family situation you are in.  If your situation calls for you to work — or you WANT to work — then you need to give yourself a break.  

Additionally, if it makes you feel any better, I can say firsthand that no matter how much your child grows to love other people — a babysitter, or a family member — they will always be YOUR CHILD.  No one can take away that special and amazing bond between you and your baby. The biggest thing to remember as a mother is not to allow your guilt to dictate how you parent.  Children today do just fine with multiple caregivers, and some recent research seems to strongly indicate that children of working mothers are no worse off than their stay-at-home parent counterparts.


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Remember that jealousy in life is perfectly natural.  It's nothing to be ashamed of, or to feel bad about. Every human being has moments where they feel jealous.  As I mentioned in an earlier post about jealousy, your jealousy indicates a desire in your own life.  You can use it to fuel motivation to be an even better mother than you ever thought possible.  

Do you ever get jealous of your child's babysitter?  Is it worse if your babysitter is a close friend or family, than it is if they are strangers or daycare workers? How do you deal with these feelings?

What do you think?

Are You Jealous of the Babysitter?

Stef Daniel is the 40ish year old, experienced (meaning crazy already) mother of count ‘em…4 daughters (yes, she takes prayers) who have taught her nearly E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G she needs to know about raising kids and staying sane. She hails from a small town in Georgia where she lives with her family in a red tin roofed house (with just ONE bathroom mind you) on a farm - with tons of animals of course. One day, due to her sheer aversion to shoes and her immense lov ... More

Tell us what you think!


  1. nydia rivera says:

    I’m sure I would be jealous again.. When I worked before full time, my mother watched my DD from morning to afternoon.. And she would tell me every detail, which I actually loved that she did, but then I would be jealous when my daughter wouldn’t want to leave grandmas house!! Then when my grandma took over for one day of the week so my mom could do errands, I felt better, don’t know why. Same would happen with my son, which is why now that he’s 2 in 4 days, I’m going to start brushing up my r?sum? and start the work process. I’m going to look for afternoon-evening jobs though because I want my son to be cared for by daddy and his sister ,too. It’s just more convenient and cheaper!

  2. Megan says:

    I would love to be a stay at home mom but the husband doesn’t make enough to cover all the bills. I am getting ready to go back to work and my parents and husband will be spending the most time with our child. I am totally jealous of my husband getting to spend his three days off with our child while I only get two but it’s what has to happen and I know he will do a great job. At least we do not have to have someone at a daycare or a babysitter take care of the little one. It stays in the family.

  3. monette3 says:

    It would break my heart to have to leave my baby with someone else–I would feel like I was missing way too much, and I would be jealous. But, I wouldn’t be resentful of the person who is helping to raise my child. I would feel thankful for them, but upset about the circumstances that require me to work.

  4. Drea0223 says:

    I am lucky enough to be able to be a stay at home Mom. I can do my job from my home computer and I do other small little jobs for a little extra cash. I do AVON and eBay also. Not on a large scale but in the future I would love to expand…we will see.

    ~Dave makes the money in this house. If I did have Colton with a Nanny I am certain I would be jealous. Possibly even hurt. I would be so sad if my baby didn’t live for me like he does now. If he had a Nanny or Caregiver I would be hurt that she got to be with him all day.

  5. I could never be jealous, nothing but thankful. This person has gained my trust and confidence in becoming a part of my family and helping to care for my little ones.
    So no jealousy here, just gratitude.

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