“Are You Pregnant?” Is It Ever OK to Ask?


lady in redCan we all agree that asking someone if she is pregnant is taboo?

Can we all also agree that if you do break the rules of social normalcy and ask a woman if she's pregnant that you don't call her a fat a**? 

OK, now that we've all found some common ground, I want to tell you a quick story and then pose a question that may or may not relate directly to the story. You'll just have to find out. 

{ MORE: Just Found Out You're Pregnant? Here's What to Do Right Away }

At a bar in Jacksonville, Florida, there was a woman who went out with some of her friends for a girls' night out. Upon arriving at the bar, this unnamed woman was permitted entry by security, but stopped by the owner and was asked if she was pregnant. His establishment has a policy: “No Pregnant Women Allowed.” 

She said she wasn't initially offended by the question, but when the owner asked her a second time if she was pregnant, that's when she started to get a little bothered.”I didn't get offended until he pulled me back and said ‘Well are you sure?' and I'm like ‘I'm sure I'm not pregnant' I would know if I was pregnant, and he pointed to the sign that evidently said ‘No Pregnant Women Allowed,'” the woman said in an interview with Jacksonville's CBS affiliate

The unnamed woman's friend heard what was going on with the man and was taken aback. She spoke up, and was subsequently called a”fat a**” by the owner and was told to leave.

Really, this is a reprehensible episode of people treating people poorly based on their weight.

But I want to bring up another point: Do we all share the responsibility of protecting unborn children? I'm assuming that the reason for not allowing pregnant women into the bar was so that the unborn baby would be protected from birth defects that could potentially come from alcohol consumption.

{ MORE: DWP: Drinking While Pregnant. Is This the New DUI? }

But is that the responsibility of the bar, or is it the responsibility of the mother? Disneyland doesn't bar pregnant women from riding the rides. They clearly put a sign outside of the ride that advises pregnant women against riding, but they aren't forcing the issue.

However, people, unborn or born, deserve protection from whomever feels like giving it. If a bar wants to help with lowering birth defects or fetal alcohol syndrome, can you really blame them for that? (Obviously ignoring the terrible way that the Jacksonville bar handled the situation.)

What do you think? Is it the mother's responsibility to go easy on the alcohol during pregnancy, or should we all do what we can to help protect others' unborn children?

Chime in and let me know what you think.

What do you think?

“Are You Pregnant?” Is It Ever OK to Ask?

Jace Whatcott is a self-diagnosed introvert who loves crossword puzzles, golf, and reading. Despite being a male contributor—one of the few on this particular website—he is not in unfamiliar territory. Because he is an English major, 90% of his classmates are females, so he’s not too worried about being a fish out of water. One of his favorite things to do is to raid local thrift stores for used books. He’s always looking for something to read, or for something to put on his endless to-r ... More

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  1. Profile photo of Yamilet Yamilet says:

    To answer your questions,
    Yes- it’s the mother (& father’s!) responsibility to protect the unborn child[ren]
    Yes- it is everyone else’s responsibility too (legally and ‘morally’ speaking, that is).

    We live in a world of assets/liabilities. You said, “I’m assuming that the reason for not allowing pregnant women into the bar was so that the unborn baby would be protected from birth defects.” But I would argue that’s not the case, and it has to do with the pregnant woman being a liability in all sense of the word. To be more specific- a pregnant woman means, at the very least, potential: lawsuit(s) if she (or anyone around her) does anything unbecoming that could harm the unborn child or mother; service interruption to patrons if an emergency arises at the locale because of her; losing patronage by individuals who feel it’s a “bad look/irresponsible/reckless” to be in a bar that allows pregnant women in there, etc. Among other scenarios.

    IMO, there is no black&white answer. The realm of “this is my body” and “I created this child” is atomic. Navigating such a realm can only lead to two places: mutual agreement and understanding. Or atomic reactions spewing defensive rhetoric about the “violation” of “individual” rights. I would ask instead- SHOULD bystanders be responsible for unborn children? (Especially when the parents-to-be are not).

    As a side note: I don’t think it was either rude, nor a bad move from the owner to ask if she was pregnant and to make sure of it. For one, people lie. Two, its HIS business- he has a reputation and finances- which possibly support a family- to protect. Three, most people do not feel comfortable being in such a place with a pregnant woman being around.

    Having said that-

    1. It WAS rude to her friend a “fat -ss,” bad business management to ask her to leave, and even worse etiquette to have all this go down, seemingly, within the public’s earshot/view.

    2. To ME, aside from business owners enforcing a policy, doctors, or the likes, asking someone if they are pregnant when it’s not blatantly clear, is like asking a bald person if they have Cancer. One word: BOUNDARIES.

  2. Profile photo of Grace Grace says:

    i like the policy of the bar to have a sign no pregnant women drinking, however she said she was not so he should have respected her and left it alone. i personally hate it when i see pregnant women smoking, and feel that there should be signs and employers enforcing them not to smoke while pregnant. i once was called fat when i was pregnant and it angered me greatly. i had taken my dog out to run around just took her off her leash to put her in a fenced in field, she saw a stick fall across my street; i saw her a woman speeding, driving a white suv, i ran yelling at her stop stop, please stop! she waved at me, gave me a crazy look, my dog, got hit by her, front tire, rear tire, dragged half a block, me chasing her suv yelling stop! she finally pulled over, my puppy flung out from under; alive but barely. her- i only stopped because i saw a fat woman chasing after me, me- I’M NOT FAT I’M PREGNANT AND YOU HIT MY DOG!!!! her- i think i have a tissue in my car you want a tissue? me- ignoring her mom, mom, come quick…. her- i think a few miles back is a vet… me- to my brother grap a towel and a trash bag, mom get the keys, i left with my mom driving to our vet, opposite way she thought a vet was, an hour later my dog faithful died in my arms, my spouse was in a grad ceremony for some mil training and unreachable, i had early contractions 8 months pregnant with first baby. now deathly afraid of roads with my children… hate speeding people.


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