3 Tips for Keeping the Romance Alive when that Baby Won’t Sleep!

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It’s 11:45p.m. You just cursed out the squeaky hinges on your daughter’s bedroom door as you crept out of her room for the third time tonight. You have to pee, but the bathroom is in general proximity to her room and it’s not worth waking her up again, when the toilet flushes. So, like Jason Bourne you maneuver down the stairs, to the downstairs bathroom and try hard not to yelp in pain when you step on your sons rogue Lego. When you finally make it back upstairs and into the bedroom, your only thought when your day clothes come off is, ‘hallelujah, no more under-wire!’ But your husband has quite a different one.

 Sleep is essential to our health. Mental. Physical. Spiritual. Sexual. You need it!

 So, what can we do to keep the fire of romance lit, when we’re always burning the midnight oil, up with baby? Here are a few tips I've found, that have kept me happily married nine years, three babies and many sleepless nights later.

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Image via Flickr/r_x

Communication

I found that my lack of desire was not stemming from anything but sheer exhaustion. I love and am super attracted to my hunky hubby, but after a long day of feeling like I am carrying the whole load, everything starts to feel like a chore! When I was able to communicate those feelings- it was amazing how quickly he found ways to pick up the slack! Bath time quickly became daddy time, when he saw how having a little time to myself after dinner was mentally rejuvenating for me. Keeping things running smoothly during the day, is a huge weight off my mind at night- and isn't that half the battle?

Image via Nicole Hempeck
Image via Nicole H.

Touch

Remember how you used to hold hands at the movies, and cuddle while you watched TV before the kids came and sat between you? That newness to your relationship where you just can’t keep your hands to yourself? Why do we stop doing that!? Of course we know why. Things get comfortable, and busy and you just forget. TOUCH EACH OTHER! Do it. You’ll like it! Even if it’s just running your finger tips across his back when you pace past him with a fussy baby- just a sweet reminder, hey this is tough right now, but I still love you, I still want you. My older kids are just now getting to the point where they get a little grossed out by mom and dad smooching in the kitchen- but if the worst thing in their lives is having parents who've got the hots for each other, I think they’re doing OK. I promise if you make the effort (and some days it takes effort!) to remember touch throughout the day, it will make all the difference at night!

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Sleep is essential to our health. Mental. Physical. Spiritual. Sexual. You need it! If you are nursing a baby that isn't sleeping- it can feel like it’s all on you. When I felt that way, I started to get resentful quickly (sleep deprivation tends to heighten my emotions!) Resentment does not a happy marriage make. So my hubby and I found a way to make it work for us as a team. When our little chickadee awoke he would get up and bring her to me, I’d nurse her and he’d take her back to her crib. I know that doesn't work for everyone, but it goes back to communication- make sure you’re talking to each other about what works for you!

It all boils down to keeping your partnership a priority. It was there before the babies were, and if we do it right, will be there when the last little bird has left the nest. Finding ways to communicate our needs to one another will help keep our romance alive, even when we’re in the midst of diapers and daycare! 

What would you add to this list? How have you kept the romance alive in the midst of the chaos that is life with small children? 

 

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3 Tips for Keeping the Romance Alive when that Baby Won’t Sleep!

Jeanna Strassburg is a wife, and mother of three, who enjoys kitchen dance parties and summer time! Jeanna received her bachelor’s degree in Education from Brigham Young University-Idaho in April of 2007. She enjoys spending her time cooking, cleaning and tending to the proper duties of a stay at home mother… NOPE! Truthfully, she enjoys eating the food, but not making it or cleaning up after it. She likes to have a clean home, but loathes laundry and dishes. Loves her children, but coul ... More

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4 comments

  1. LIZ says:

    you can forget you are a couple first, to have a good healthy relationship and grow healthy kids, you have to keep in love, and love grows different with the years, but the important thing is dont forget that in your mind that was the love of your life

  2. Adriane says:

    Putting on something sexy helps both of us get in the mood. Getting out of shirts and pants that smell like and have spit up on them makes a difference in feeling sexy and getting things going.

  3. Phammom says:

    Like your tips. Communication is key. I have asked for 15 min a day to myself once he goes back to wok since I will be with our son all day.

  4. Diana says:

    Great article Learned alot from it .

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