3 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Romantic & Intimate (Even with Kids!)

happily married coupleFirst off, lets demolish the myth that there is no romance after the kids come along. Adding shared responsibilities and kids to the mix can actually enhance our intimacy. It may be true that our time and energy becomes divided. There are more demands made on us. Responsibilities can creep in and overshadow the romance if we let them, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

When I fell in love with my wife we were both in college. We had class and work and other extracurricular responsibilities that made demands on our time but we moved earth and heavens to make the time to be together. I remember walking across the college campus just to see her in the library for a few minutes. I made several six-hour car trips our first winter together in blizzard conditions just to talk a few hours and give her a kiss.

Smash the stereotype that the only time we do something romantic is when we did something wrong!

The obstacles actually made the gestures more romantic rather than taking away from the romance. In the same way, the slightly increased challenge to crank out the romance makes the extra effort even more romantic, intimate, and meaningful.

Keeping the romance alive is not complicated. It just takes a few simple acts, done regularly.

  1. Build Romantic Tradition: With every passing day, month, and year you become a little more familiar with the strengths and weaknesses of your spouse. There’s something endearing about being there through good times and bad. As we get more acquainted, it becomes easy to forget to do the little things that make such an enormous difference in maintaining and increasing the love you felt on your wedding day.
    • Hug and kiss at least eight times a day: Paul Zak, who has been called Dr. Love, endorses the importance intimate physical contact such as hugs or kisses to increase production of oxytocin in the brain and body. This has significant biological effects on the growth of relational trust, connection and empathy.
    • Go to bed together: Mom’s busy, Dad’s busy, we’re all busy. The truth is that many couples have very little time to themselves when they can just talk, laugh together, cuddle, and get a little frisky. When we hit the hay together, it provides that much-needed “grown up time” every parent needs and longs for from time to time.
    • Be nice: I know this seems overly simple, but it is such an essential bit of advice when talking about maintaining spousal intimacy. Respond in calm and kind ways. Cut out the yelling. Learn to solve problems without anger and meanness.
    • Make special occasions special: Every year we make several excuses to go over-the-top and do something to show love and affection for each other. It’s great to look for and even create any opportunity to celebrate your love. Valentine’s day, Birthdays, Anniversary, etc. are all examples of occasions to capitalize on.
    • Laugh together: Make a habit of making each other laugh. Tell jokes and create inside jokes that only the two of you know about.
  2. Switch it Up: It’s important to keep things fresh. Variety is the spice of life. Familiarity can become an enemy rather that an ally. People thrive on novelty and spontaneity. Find new and exciting ways to express your appreciation, love, and affection for your spouse. A few ways to do this include:
    • Touch in passing or when least expected: This can be really fun. Make the good morning kiss a little longer than normal. Put your hands around your spouse’s waist when cooking or cleaning. Allow the mundane to be a little more exciting!
    • Turn off the TV: This will do wonders for creating intimacy in any relationship. I’ve recently been made aware of how many couples have TV’s in their bedroom. I think we can think of far more entertaining things to do in the bedroom; play cards, pillow fight, and so on…
    • Do something romantic, just because: I’m amazed every time I buy flowers for my wife at some random time of year that everyone always asks the question, “In the dog house huh?” or “What did you do?” Lets smash the stereotype that the only time we do something romantic is when we did something wrong.
    • Make the extra effort to get the babysitter: One of the hardest extra expenses my wife and I deal with is springing cash for a babysitter so we can continue dating each other. It’s worth the extra time, energy, and money to find a sitter so you can continue to engage your spouse in fun and memorable dates and personal time together.
  3. Put Your Spouse First: Last, but certainly not least, is to remember to put your spouse first. It’s so sad to me when upon a divorce you here a couple say, “At least I got the kids out of this marriage.” Our spouse is the one we chose to love and our kids often do things just as hurtful as our spouse and yet parents love them unconditionally. In my counseling experience, I talk to countless parents that put the kids, work, their parents or others ahead of their spouse.

Show your children and others that you love and appreciate your significant other. Work together rather than against each other. 

What do you think?

3 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Romantic & Intimate (Even with Kids!)

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11 comments

  1. Profile photo of Michelle Michelle says:

    My hubby and I are very blessed to be living with my parents. They have already offered to take care of our son so that we can have some uninterrupted us time at leeast once a month. I don’t want to ever stop dating my husband. He is my pillar of strength when I feel like I just cant….

  2. Profile photo of Eva Eva says:

    When I get angry I yell that I want a divorce but my husband would never leave me. And I would never leave him. A lot of times anger makes us say some hateful things. But I am so proud to have such a wonderful husband that stands by me through everything!!

  3. INSTALLING A HUSBAND

    Dear Tech Support,

    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as : NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1 Al so Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

    Signed,
    Desperate

    DEAR DESPERATE,

    First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

    However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

    Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

    In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

    In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

    Good Luck!

  4. Profile photo of LIZ says:

    its very important to be couple first and dont forget that, because like that youre baby is gonna grow watching a very good relationship 🙂

  5. Profile photo of mommy nhoj mommy nhoj says:

    Such a nice article! I have to agree – to put spouse first & keep the “fire” alive! It was the same advice I’ve got from a friend who’s been marriage for 11 years and they still look like young dating couple 🙂

  6. Profile photo of Namaste Namaste says:

    We save marriage romantic and everyone are happy in our family…

  7. Profile photo of Andy Andy says:

    Thanks Phammom. I think its good to always be reminding ourselves. I think most of the time we know what to do to keep the love alive but we just let life and all the things we’re doing get in the way. Just reminding ourselves and refocusing on what’s most important is essential.

  8. Profile photo of Phammom Phammom says:

    Will have to keep all these in my mind. We do most of these now. Good reminder it’s always important.

  9. Profile photo of Andy Andy says:

    I’m glad you enjoyed the article ESantiago. I love reading the comments and hearing the feedback on these articles. I just always hope that they are of some use. Thanks for reading!

  10. Profile photo of ESantiago621 ESantiago621 says:

    i loved everything about this article! even the fact that it was written by a man! good points here!

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