When Your Husband Feels Neglected After Child Birth

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Your hubby gazes across the room at you with that look in his eyes. You know, the look that demands attention, requests affection, and insists on a little, well, action.

You’re exhausted, and you just want to sleep. But if your spouse is feeling neglected and you don’t address it now, you’ll have bigger problems as the chaos of the first year subsides.

Pre-baby, those hooded eyes and pouting lips would have turned you on. Now, you want to respond by squirting breast milk in his eyes.

Jennifer Landa, M.D., and author of the book The Sex Drive Solution for Women: Dr. Jen’s Power Plan to Fire Up Your Libido, says many husbands feel neglected after the baby’s arrival. For a long time, he received all of your affection and attention at the end of a long day. Then your baby arrived and suddenly you don’t remember you have a husband until you accidentally trip over him on your rush to the crib for a midnight feeding.

If this sounds familiar, it’s time, says Landa, to spread the love around a little. “A lot of women lose sight of (their husbands),” at this time, she says. “Relationships suffer for it.”

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Don’t get us wrong: we understand. New babies + no sleep does not = feelings of amore. Sleep deprivation has been used as a method for torture, after all, and new parents not only get too little shut eye, but they are then required to clean the house, fix dinner, pay the bills, and take care of a tiny human who relies on them for everything. You’re exhausted, and you just want to sleep. But if your spouse is feeling neglected and you don’t address it now, you’ll have bigger problems as the chaos of the first year subsides.

What do you think? When Your Husband Feels Neglected After Child Birth

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35 comments

  1. Avatar of Shana Shana says:

    Just do it?! With a knife maybe. They can say you will get in the mood while doing it, but it doesn’t always, or even mostly, happen. And what joy is there in trying to have sex if you aren’t getting aroused and feels like you are being stabbed? Where are all the website dedicated to men telling them to give in to their woman when they aren’t feeling it? Want to feel less tired and want him more? Make him do half the work. Then he will feel the exact same as you do.

    • Avatar of somnambulist somnambulist says:

      I’m a husband with a baby on the way. I found plenty of websites that tell a man to suck it up and who cares if the woman he gave up everything for is ignoring him. So what she doesn’t care if he’s helping… suck it up. Who cares if the person you love most in the world doesn’t have time for you anymore… suck it up. Baby didn’t ask to be born… baby get more attention than baby needs… well suck it up.

      Yup… written by husband haters just like you that should have turned lesbian BEFORE getting married.

      • Avatar of Jean Jean says:

        To you Somnambulist, when I turn lesbian don’t forget you are a gay man.

      • Avatar of Jean Jean says:

        First of all, I am going to speak the truth, and Iwill keep it real for all men! It seems that the women here and most everywhere else, are afraid to tell women’s truth!! They are afraid to defend and support the female gender and tell how they have so many responsibilities with a new baby and how sore and tender their birth canal and breasts are..

        It seems that husbands think it is okay to be whiney, naggy, lazy and make their post partum wife do everything. Stop being so scary women and so spinelss. stop trying to please a selfish man. Men need to suck it up. What kind of grown man wants his wife to neglect the newborn baby, because he needs to lick his wounds. You men may have needs, but your wife is still healing and definitely has needs TOO.

        Women are not like you all and the last thing she is thinking of is sex. Her body is still tender anyway. You men have got to be some of the most selfish creatures around. Also, your comment, “the woman he gave up everything for” What the bump did you give up? . Also, for your info, she gave up a lot of stuff for you. She gave up her quiet vagina time where she did not have to give boring sex to a whiney husbnd, she gave up her not having to cook, clean, etc. she gave up her maiden name. She gave up many things for you, but she still keeps on multi tasking and tiring herself out. What do men give up, besides being a single man that can sleep around all the time.

        I just think it is so unfair, so hurtful, so unrealistic, and so mean to tell women that a husband who at other times, doesn’t want to be all up under his wife to be his mommy, now all of a sudden, he wants to take up all her attention and time and is jealous of their innocent newborn baby. Your wife is not a robot and not a yo-yo that can do everything. She is a woman whose vagina is tender and sore and she is tired as all get down.
        Speak up women of the world. Stop talking about a husband who wants to be spoiled . We aint got time for tht mess.
        If it is that easy for him to cheat, then ladies, let him cheat. And you need to lock up your vagina from disease. Plus, this is so disrespectful of him. 5-22-14

  2. Avatar of mommy nhoj mommy nhoj says:

    Good thing he hasn’t said something about this nor shown any signs of being neglected

  3. Avatar of Phammom Phammom says:

    Will be trying these in about 5 months.

  4. Avatar of Sockseybunny Sockseybunny says:

    HAHA I am the one that wants sex all the time and my husband is the one that wont put out…lol I tell him I feel neglected and unattractive to him, he says that is not true. I am also the one that takes care of the baby 24/7 since he works 7 days a week.

  5. Avatar of PaulaPC PaulaPC says:

    I found that by the time I had child #3 – None of that was a problem. Kids have a rhythm and we have our fun around that with no issues. :) Best of luck everyone!

  6. Avatar of MamaCat MamaCat says:

    My advice is to do it when your ready because if you are just doing it to make your husband feel better it won’t be any good and it will only make the issue worse. My tried to find ways to keep my husband happy until we were released by the doc and that worked out well. I have a feeling it will be a little harder with a preschooler and an infant but we’ll figure it out. And my husband is very understanding and wants me to be comfortable and able to enjoy myself too above all else. No fun for him if it hurts me.

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  8. Avatar of Elfie Elfie says:

    I want to have sex even more now! Seeing him taking care of us is such a turn on but haven’t got clearance from the dr yet.
    I feel like he’s being neglected more than he does. O.o I alway stay up when our baby is sleeping so I can spend some time with him but he tells me it’s not necessary.

  9. I just dont feel sexy anymore after I had my baby and I feel like my husband dont think I am sexy anymore too. before you have a child your man does all these nice things to win you over but he does not do anything anymore. does anyone else feel like this

  10. Avatar of MissTK MissTK says:

    Not horrible just busy and side-tracked.

  11. Avatar of MissTK MissTK says:

    Just do it. LOL We will set a day aside just for us after the first couple months. Until then we will just squeeze in what we can. I cannot see myself getting a sitter for quite some time.

  12. Avatar of isabel isabel says:

    This helped alot thank you so much!now I feel bad for my hubby I have not been paying enough attention to him!we realii need Dome alone time without our children.

  13. Avatar of mgarcia286 mgarcia286 says:

    Really good information. I really need to get some alone time with my hubby especially after a long day at home with a 3 week old and 3 year old.

  14. Avatar of Dereck Dereck says:

    I am a dad and this is second child after 13 years she is now 5 months our sex life is good when she is home I am the stay home dad and take good care of my baby but when mommy comes home late and has to work the next day I feel bad but I am starting to wonder what to do little communication other than goo goo ga ga all day and no real time to unwind any suggestions

  15. It’s really good info

  16. I try to b 50/50 at all times

  17. Avatar of Deena Deena says:

    I didn’t even realize I was neglecting him and he helps around the house all the time I’m a horrible wife :’(

  18. Avatar of Brandi Brandi says:

    If not using "just do it" which i find to be just a touch selfish compromise and go with every other day. You’re pregnant and he should be understanding, but also he is a man with needs and you should be understanding.

    Plus in the mood exactly or not it’ll improve both your moods and make the baby less fussy in the womb. And its great for making you less uncomfortable/ feel more attractive, but all of that you should already know.

  19. Avatar of Brandi Brandi says:

    I’m worried about the exact opposite with my husband. He has already told me "you’re going to get a lot of time to sleep and for yourself when the baby gets here" aka "i’m going to hog her until she needs fed unless I can con you into pumping a fresh bottle". :D He is sweet and missed out with his 4 other children, but him and i are having a continued negotiation of responsibilities. lol

  20. Avatar of ShaniaFawn ShaniaFawn says:

    Even though the baby isn’t even here yet, my fiance still worries that once it is here that I’ll give all my attention to the baby and he’ll feel lonely. I’m going to make sure he stays happy though. (:

  21. Avatar of marifie marifie says:

    i will always find time with hubby lol. . .he will not be neglected. . .

  22. Avatar of Keri Keri says:

    You should do it anyways. Marriage is not one-sided and takes compromise. Sex is a big deal to men. And telling them they can’t have sex cuz you aren’t in the mood totally kills their emotional well-being over time. That’s the same as him constantly telling you he isn’t in the mood to talk or listen to you talk or cuddle. We, as women, need that communication and intimacy or we slowly suffer and feel like we are in a loveless marriage. Sex is the same for guys. Not saying all men cheat, but when you stop having sex or showing a desire to sleep with them, this is the main time when they start looking elsewhere for their needs. Just like women look elsewhere for attention and affection. If you both strive to make each other happy, you both win in the long run and this requires sacrifice and compromise. And come on, 30 minutes of your time to save your marriage really isn’t that big of a deal.

  23. Avatar of Keri Keri says:

    Even if you are not in the mood, just do it anyways. And if you can, pretend you are into it. Men not only need sex but they base the relationship and their feelings of love and worth on it. And even if they say they understand, they will start to resent you and their emotional needs will not be met resulting in your intimacy needs not being met and a score of other problems will start creeping up. Give them what they want… And they are happy and more willing to give you what you need.

  24. Avatar of HMomOf4 HMomOf4 says:

    This seems to have answered a lot of questions in a lot of relationships in my and my friends lives. Hopefully this time around we will know better now that it can be pin pointed!

  25. Avatar of Mom2two12 Mom2two12 says:

    Husband and I went through this with the birth of our son and I’m scared it will start all over again with the birth of our daughter… I will have to do these steps for sure.

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