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To Spank or Not?
Author: Kornelia Robertson
Since the early 1990’s, literature on disciplining children has told us to never, ever to spank our children. But in real life, it’s not always easy to carry out a no-spanking policy. It is a fairly easy viewpoint to defend, in theory. If you deliberately hurt your children through spanking, you are inflicting pain on someone much smaller than you. There is some research and evidence showing that children who are spanked are more likely to use aggressive behavior towards others, especially those smaller than they are. They could grow up to be violent and think physical force is an okay way of getting what you want. What does spanking teach your children? Is it negative, or positive?
Enough time has passed since the early 1990’s, and here is my opinion on the results of no spanking. This generation of never-spanked children is now in middle school and high school. Thousands of them have manners, are goal-oriented, and responsible. But, a very high percentage of this generation lacks any kind of work ethic, they act entitled, spoiled, and are often disrespectful. I think that they frequently come across as arrogant and overconfident, despite their obvious lack of knowledge or skills.
I feel this shows us that something is not working with the approach of “all-praise and no-spanking.” Some experts on the topic are starting to bring back the good, old smack on the hand or bottom. Beyond a few ground rules, there is still much controversy regarding the topic. We know, for example, that we should never spank out of anger. There is a vicious cycle to spanking. First, you give your toddler a gentle smack on the hand. Then, this repeated offense calls for more, or bigger, hits. Pretty soon, you won’t know how to increase the severity of the punishment without leaving a mark. This should be avoided.
Some say to use spanking for discipline only, until the child is able to understand words and reasoning; after which, spanking becomes unnecessary. According to others, children under the age of two should never be spanked. Some theories give us specific situations where spanking is not only beneficial, but necessary. These may include occasions when the child is in danger, lying to his parents, or is deliberately disobeying requests from parents or caregivers.
All of these theories have one important common belief: spanking does do some good. Spanking makes it unmistakably clear that you have crossed the line, and if you cross the line, there are consequences. These consequences are not in any relation with the crime, which is against the advice of many experts, but we might point out that this often happens later in real life as well.
Spanking, of course, is not the single magic tool that can teach these lessons. We, as parents, can set clear boundaries with warnings, time-outs, explanations, and punishment other than ”corporal” punishment. We have to remember, that all of these techniques take a lot more energy than spanking; and in reality, they are a lot harder to consistently do while delivering the message without causing confusion. This may be the reason we have a generation of arrogant, entitled kids (in my opinion).
As a parent, it’s your job to find what works for you and your family. Set expectations and teach good behavior at a very early age. Set clear boundaries. Be consistent and patient.
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