The Emotions of Having a Baby When Nothing Seems to Be Working
by Stef Daniel
With careful thought and planning, you decided you wanted to have a baby. The plans were all made and like many things in life, nothing seems to be working out as you intended. Months later, doctors aren’t taking you seriously, your spouse is tired of seeing the ovulation predictors on the sink, sex has become robotic, and everywhere you go, you run into yet another pregnant mom or newborn. This can be a lot to swallow, and you will likely feel like you have done something to deserve this fate, and you may find yourself resentful about how many other people take having children for granted. You are not alone.
The first emotion of having a baby is excitement and anticipation. This can easily be swallowed by feelings of defeat and hopelessness. The important thing to realize is that you have to continue to take care of your own wellbeing, both physically and emotionally. Connecting with other people in your situation can be helpful. You also need to try and avoid spending innumerous hours perusing the internet looking for fast fixes, miracle cures, and reading worst-case scenarios and heartbreaking stories. Instead, use your time to take care of your own body and mind, nurturing yourself as best as possible.
Joining a support group can also help. Enlist the help of family members and learn to lean on others. They may not completely understand how you feel, but they love you and can help to pick you up and make things easier for you. If testing or treatment for infertility is imminent, then choose to find the best doctors that you can in your area. Make it a commitment to understand all the options and procedures so that you are an informed patient.
You also need to devise a personal plan to battle your stress and emotions. Give yourself time to cry and be angry. Allow yourself to work through your feelings. Don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed and realize that millions of women feel the same thing as you do right now. Take an intense work out class, learn how to meditate, or find other opportunities that allow you to blow off steam and stress in a positive way.
Another important aspect is to stay positive and focused, not on what is happening – but on what your goal is. This will allow you to get your body and mind in tune with one another and set the footwork for goal setting and achievement. Some days, it can be hard to have a never give up attitude – and you shouldn’t have to pretend to be stronger than you are. However, if having children is your dream, then you must hold on to it. It may not be working out exactly like you planned so many months ago, but hold true to the vision that it will happen for you.
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