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Toddlers and Deployment
Author: Jeannie Fleming-Gifford
Deployment. It’s a word that fuels many emotions: fear, worry, uncertainty, and more. As an adult, we can often work through these emotions. We can communicate with the one who will be deployed and help make a plan to manage the good-bye and the upcoming time apart.
For a toddler, this transition may present a great challenge. Although old enough to be aware of impending change and able to sense stress within a household, a young child may not yet have the skills to easily work through this transition. With language emerging, toddlers may do plenty of talking, but may not be old enough to articulate the questions they have about a mom or dad’s upcoming departure. What will this mean to them and their daily life? All this may leave your child confused and with a sense of insecurity. These feelings may be showcased through crying, angry outbursts, or other physical displays (such as throwing toys, hitting, or biting).
As you may be feeling overwhelmed and working through your emotions, you may be seeking help for your toddler as well. What can you do to support your child through this transition?
- Acknowledge your child’s feelings. Help your child find the words. When you see responses which you believe are related to your child’s fear or sadness due to an upcoming deployment, stay calm (breathe) and use statements such as “I understand you feel sad,” or “I understand you are mad. It is okay to be mad, but we may not throw our toys.”
- Reassure your child. Your child will be looking to you for emotional support. No matter how you are feeling, they will need to know that you will remain a consistent, loving presence in their life. This is the time to provide extra hugs, more stories before bedtime, and other positive interactions that will support your child emotionally.
- Engage in expressive activities. In addition to continuing to acknowledge and reassure your toddler, help them gain insight and understanding of this situation through positive activities. Check with your library to identify age appropriate books about the military, saying good-bye to loved ones, and other books that deal with transitions. Also, connect with other military families and investigate other resources (i.e. support groups/counseling services), which may provide valuable services to your family.
- Reach out. Surround yourself with family and friends who can provide you and your child with emotional support. When you need a break and/or additional help, ask family/friends to provide loving, consistent care for your child. Also, be sure to communicate with other primary caregivers (i.e. child care professionals) regarding the transitions within the household. This will help others provide appropriate support for your child as well.
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