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Rapid Expansion: Parenting Your Toddler and Your New Addition
Author: Sara McTigue
"I don't know how you do it!" "Boy, you've got your hands full!" Or, best of all, just the stares. It didn't take much for me to get comments and stares at the grocery store - or anywhere for that matter. All I had to do was load up all the kids. Two twin infants in the double stroller and my toddler in the seat of the cart I was pulling behind me, loaded to overflowing with diapers and wipes.
This wasn't the image I had in mind when we decided to try for our second child, but I have to be grateful for the lessons I've learned and the joy of having each of those babies. Adding a newborn to your family when your first is still a toddler has its own challenges. Finding the delicate balance that makes your family happy takes work when you're facing two kids under the age of two. Whether your second pregnancy delivers one baby or several, there are some useful tips that can help you make it through - the pregnancy and the grocery store!
- Even though you have a child, you haven't done this before.
Sure, you've had a child before. But not this child. And not with a little person that you've already come to know and love factoring into the equation. Undoubtedly you have learned much from your first. Diaper changes are probably second nature and you feel a certain confidence about your ability to soothe a fussy little one. Yet, each baby is an individual, so what worked for one might not work for the other. If your first was colicky and fought sleep fiercely, you might get lucky and have a calm and sleepy second. Of course, it could also go the other way! Honestly, whether you are expecting your second or your seventh, you have to be ready for the surprises. - Accept help.
You cannot be everything to everyone. In a way, going from one to three in a single step was a huge relief for me, because I knew that I had no choice about asking for help. With three little ones and only two arms on me, the math just didn't work. But accepting help has many benefits. Your alone time with each family member becomes more special as your family grows. Make sure that you make the time for each person - including you. Let someone watch the baby so you can take your older child for a treat. Leave the kids home with grandma and grandpa so you and your husband can have a date. And take time to be alone, even if that means making a run for diapers and wandering the aisles after the kids are finally asleep. The people who are helping you will have a chance to develop a relationship with your children and you will all benefit from it. - Laugh.
The more people you are dealing with at any time, the more opportunities there are for things to go wrong. Schedules are thrown off, messes are made, tears fall - yours and the kids'. You have to find the joy in all of it. Learning to laugh in the midst of the mess can save you so much stress and heartache. When you are just trying to run to the store for diapers because you realize that you are down to your last one, and your toddler announces that she has pooped and begins to cry, what can you do? When her tears spread like a contagious disease and suddenly you are faced with another tearful child, who is quickly moving from a quiet sob to a piercing scream, what can you do? When that little old lady turns around and gives you and your stinky-diapered, crying children the evil-eye, what can you do? Well, you can punch her in the face, but I don't recommend it! Seriously, just laugh.Try to envision how amusing it will be when you are telling your friends over drinks. Try to imagine the days when you will miss this, because your babies are growing up and don't want you to hold their hands or kiss them in front of their friends. It goes by faster than you can possibly imagine, so the best you can do is face each day and each challenge with a smile. And remember that while your toddler might not get all of your attention anymore, there is more love in your family than ever before.
Top Tips for Parenting Two
If both kids are crying, attend to your toddler first. Unless the baby is in pain, your best bet is to first calm the child who craves your attention and recognizes when he isn't getting it. The baby will be fine in five minutes and he won't remember that mommy didn't answer his cries first.
Baby-wearing is your friend. You can run around the park, grocery shop, and fix lunch for a cranky two-year-old while soothing your baby and leaving yourself a free hand. There are many options, from front packs to slings, that can help you when you feel like you have to do seven things at once.
Embrace your toddler's independence. So he wants to dress himself, put on his own shoes, or climb into his own car seat. In the beginning, these routines can add minutes to your schedule and stress to your day. Plan ahead for extra time while he is learning the ropes, because a toddler who can grab his own shoes when it is time to head out will eventually be a time saver. Plus, the pride he feels will make the extra minutes worth your while.
Naps = good. Whether you are a schedule-follower or a free spirit, making naptime a priority is good for everyone. Rested kids are happier kids. If the kids nap at the same time, you can rest, clean, or just take a moment for yourself. If the baby is napping, you can give your toddler some treasured one-on-one attention. A consistent plan for naps will make everyone's life easier.
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